-Enigma-

So glad to get a post from you @outlander - I am really struggling at the moment.

A few people suggested that she apply for government housing. This would be ideal if possible as she does have a mental condition and would be entitled. But there is a ten year waiting list.

I haven't cried like this for ages. I hav bearded many storms - but I think I have reached my tether with her and what she puts us through. I love her but this is a result of her choices - not mine. Where do I draw the line?

I am crying also because this dream home, friends and life's is something myself and husband worked and suffered very much for. I can't tell you what we went through to get here - and she is threatening it. I may have to sell - I can't make her homeless and because of her violatile and disrespectful nature when she is like this, she won't be accepted where we are going. I know this. What choice do I have my friend. I feel shattered.

So sorry to post like this - you know it's bad when I do because I can tolerate so much when afflicted and still see the good. But tonight I have hit a brick wall - I am just so over it......It has been going on for too long. Thanks for listening to me vent. It means a lot as I have no one hear to talk about it. I can't worry my husband....

Hi @Appleblossom - I have never mentioned to her that I would buy her a house before as I have been advised not to. As she is a taker......But I am at my wits end. I would have to put it in trust or my name as she would lose it either to debt, substance abuse or her partner, who is bringing her down. I couldn't trust it in her name. Everyone is saying to let her stand on her own feet....but I am so wanting my peace........I will have to think on it more when I adjust.

I remember finding the Interiors Castle very helpful years ago - I will have to read it again. I need to protect my inner peace right now - can one have it and then it flys out the window? I am surprised by my own reaction - I think I have reached the end of my tolerance.

It is hard - she is a user and allows herself to be used. Her selfishness is getting to me right now. That is the difficult part, she agrees to boundaries and she was improving. But now that agreement seems to be out the window. When she loses it she doesn't seem to care about boundaries. That is why we can't live together. When she settles I will be telling her that.

Its good to hear your son is pitching in for the food and making healthy choices. That's a good sign. My daughter eats all our food too and doesn't contribute. She is in debt but that was her doing against our sound advice. Sorry Appleblossom, I really didn't mean to go ape ball on you all. I didn't see this coming. Thank you for being there. It really helps to voice this as I have other way of doing it.

@Former-Member im hearing you lovely, i dont mind listening to you at all 💔 i can feel your pain from here. I dont think it would be right for you to sell. Its already shattering you, youve had to sacrifice more than your fair share. Its not fair on your or your hubby one bit..

With the housing- she mightnt have to wait for 10 yrs because she could be classed as urgent. Id reccomend her ringing or even you ringing up more anonymously and just getting some help and advice from your local office. Shared housing might be on the cards... ( not a homeless shelter but a shared accomodation with housemates) If she doesnt get paid, centrelink can help with that for the time being... and if she goes on what i was on they offer training services, and help you to get job. Some even offer aged care nursing courses and get you a job after you graduate.

I would expect your husband to be worrying already. With the bond you have with each other im sure hes noticed your chabges happening atm.

💜💜💜💜 @Former-Member

I’m so sorry to read what’s happening.

Glad you can vent here. I just don’t know what to say right now.

Except, no way sell your dream home.

Hi @outlander 💜

thanks re info re editing

will have to look into that. 😮

I think you are right about my husband @outlander. He is staying away as he is probably struggling too....he is under the same strain. That worries me with his cancer.... It just can't go on.

That was interesting what you said about govt housing. I will see what I can learn. She has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. She was also awhile back diagnosed with bi-polar and PTSD - but then they come back with PBD. It gets confusing. My GP believes it to be bi-polar - I think it's both.

I am feeling shattered. Was just holding it together well for my friends and now this. She keeps doing this to us @outlander. You are very wise in what you posted - it can't go on. I can't keep being hurt like this. I can't lose my dream home - I have earned that well and truly. And I can't try any harder or do any better than I have been. I need to deep breathe - hopefully things will look better tomorrow. Experience tells me it can get better - but it has to happen fast as we are selling soon. I am under enormous pressure. Thank you for being there - it has really helped.

Hello dear @Former-Member

Just being there helps me. Thank you. I can understand the loss for words as it's a very difficult situation. I agree - I shouldn't have to sell my dream home. It's not right. Am feeling forced in a corner at the moment - I want my peace back so much. I was starting to feel good. I won't make any decisions now and see what can be worked out. Thanks for your support - means a lot. I am really alone here as I can't talk like this to anyone I know. I have friends but they would not understand this.

I am going down to cook tea now - will pop back on later. Thank you everyone @outlander@Former-Member@Appleblossom for your much needed kindness and help. X ❤️

Dont worry about telling it as it is @Former-Member

I am sorry that kids get themselves in such bad places when it is not necessary.

Its just a crazy world we live in.

I told my son as an experiment and I would have followed through if he wanted to go that way.

Maybe it is not a good idea for your girl then, so dont mention it.

Maybe dig your heels and stay in your beautiful new home.

You and your partner are both vulnerable and do not need another move.

Mothers can be taken on rides and it is not nice or good even for the taker.

I have used hard drugs and stopped since I was 21. It is possible. Plenty people do. Challenge her in that direction. Challenge, challenge. Boundary. Reduce what you offer, so that she has to come up to the plate. Buy food she is not likely to eat, or lots broccoli. Its so hard cos we dont want to push them over the edge.

Have you called her out on being a taker? AND explained that it is maladaptive .. as nobody else will want to be used either.

Thank you for the reassurance @Appleblossom - I really did need to express my pain.

I have called her out on her using us and that is wrong of her in the past. And she did listen that time and improved. She made real progress. That is probably why this hit me so hard. I think this fellow she is with has a lot to do,with her present decline and the debt she is in.

It is possible to give up substance abuse I agree - When very young I had a real,problem with alcohol. My daughter is in severe denial - she won't admit she has a problem. We find out through others - or we can see through her personality changes. Her partner is on ice - this really concerns me. Something she said she would never do - but I am wondering now.....That makes it dangerous for us. I can't believe after her improvements and the way we have stood by her that she is doing this again.........It hurts. But I worry for her more - and I can't live with her anymore. My health will deteriorate if I do.

Thank you for being such a good friend xxxx. There are some very special people here @outlander@Appleblossom@Former-Member@ xxxxxx