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Something’s not right

-Enigma-

-Enigma-

I have given up now - no one can say it was not without a fight. But then no one on heaven and earth would give a damn anyway. I gave from the heart and it was a joy to help others. I felt such peace with that. I never did it for anything in return ever, I did it because I truly cared and felt so much genuine compassion towards others. I was promised dreams and peace would come true even though I never asked. It felt so good to know I made someone's lives a bit better.

Why is it that people like me are then faced with so much heartache, injustice, trauma and adversity that seeks to do everything in its power to destroy that good, to take the little good and peace I had, to utterly destroy me. Why?

I had always been there when possible others times of need - now that I truly need someone I have been all but abandoned by those I knew and those in the spirit. I realise now everything was a lie and feel utterless helpless and lost. I have lost everything and don't see the point in being here. I hope I don't wake up to another day of despair.

1732 replies

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In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

hello @Former-Member ☺💖🌸

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Good morning @outlander and @oceangirl - thanks for asking after me.

I am doing quite well - just feeling a little tired due to being busy all the time more than likely. Can't complain as life is very good at the moment.

My friend experienced a miracle in hospital - even his wife was amazed and stated that, as well as the doctors. So he is coming home - just a few days ago they were asking him he he wou,d accept life support. We all prayed so hard so we are all feeling so very grateful. Hopefully this will give him some more time with us.. My daughter found the job too high pressured (sales meeting quotas, being yelled on the phone, etc) - it was bringing out her anxiety very badly (she is still recovering from rape). But she will look for another job that is not as pressured.

I know you like my stories so here is another. You may have heard of many near death experiences (there have been scientific studies conducted on them - one feature of this that is documented is having ones life play out before them whilst experiencing NDE - (Life flashing before ones eyes). You probably would of heard about this before.

I have had this experience of life flashing before my eyes before being revived (amongst others). It's like a mirror is put before you and you see your true self - there is no hiding from this reflection and no one to protect - we strand and face it alone. All the good we have done or neglected to do and everything we have done throughout our lives and how this affected others for the better or worse is all revealed and we see who we really are;, nothing is missed. And there is no escaping this reality. No one to support. We stand alone. If it is mainly good - no worries, if it is not and people were damaged by our actions/words - it can be tormenting.

It was an experience that I will never forget (positive for me but scary to see what could have been if I made other choices). So for me it is so important to be real, honest, moral and kind, to help others to the best of my ability and hurt no one through anger, jealousy, ego, vindictiveness etc as it comes back to bite (there is justice in the end) - can't emphasis that enough. Having a free conscience is everything to me, not for just that reason - it makes me who I am with meaning, inner peace and fulfillment.

Glad you liked my artwork - I am passionate about it and gain much happiness creating them. Hope you are both doing well and life is going okay for you. You are good people @outlander@oceangirl and I alway enjoy conversing with you. Thanks for thinking of me.

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Morning @Former-Member im glad your doing well

wow that is amazing about your friend! hes a fighter for sure! that is really great news.

oh dear, thats not good about your daughter, hopefully she finds something a little less pressured. i wouldnt like being yelled at over the phone by others either. not that great for people with mh issues. has she applied for ay other jobs that might be suited to her better?

i do indeed like your stories, what an interesting one to share. im not sure if mine would pop up very good though i strive to be a good person. i like your values you have and who you strive to be (or are already)

i do love your artwork- is that the one you want to enter in the competition? any plans for yourself today?

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

I feel you will be at peace with your reflection as what we strive for and our intentions is the essence of who we become in the end.

I think my daughter will apply for more jobs soon - she has gone a bit quiet at the moment and is staying with her boyfriend. I can never predict what she going to do, just live in the hope that it will all work out for the better.

I am off now to the shops to get my hair cut, then off to the post office to send a parcel. Not looking forward to it as I don't like crowds, and Fridays are very busy here. But it has to be done so I better soldier up lol. Hope your day is going well - I will pop back in tonight and see how you are doing 😊

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

sorry @Former-Member i accidently missed this earlier.

youve been really supportive of your daughter, i just hope she listens to at least some things you say and get away from that crowd too. all the best for you and her and her journey for job searching (can be so hard sometimes!)

i hope you were able to get to the post office 🙂 and im sure your hair looks lovely

im ok thanks. trying to sort a few things out as per usual but thats apart of life and will keep moving forward. baby steps

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Hi @outlander - I forgot that our cleaning lady was coming today - so I had to cancel the hair appt. I clean the majority of the house - I am just seeking assistance whilst I get the house prepared for sale in a couple of months. Not much fun but has to be done. Now I am off to see my GP at 4:30pm. So not a terribly exciting day.

Job searching is hard for sure, but she is pretty determined and will hopefully land another job.

Good tomread that you are sorting things out to keep you moving forward - you are a good person and will go places, with me, your greatest fan beckoning you on. How can you loose lol. Sending warm hugs xx

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

oh bugger, maybe your hair can get done another day then @Former-Member

i hope your gp appt went well and all is ok.

hugs to you too

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Ahhhh, the photo of the kitten you posted just became visible @outlander - so cute. Warmed my heart.

I never enjoy seeing the doctor but mine is nice and funny. We talked about things that have upset me that I will see through. I won't burden you with details - But I will eventually right the wrong done so worry not, I am not. Life isn't fair at times. I like to concentrate on what matters - the love in my life and how my friend has escaped death for now. I am so grateful - and the volunteer work that helps those who struggle very badly - that is what is important and what matters to me. And they appreciate me which is a really good feeling. Makes me complete.

You are such a sweet, kind person - and I am feeling fond of you which I said I would never do with anyone online. Shows how special you are 💞

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

im glad you like the kitten pic. i thought it was rather cute too @Former-Member

oh please know your not burdening me if you would like to talk about it. i dont mind at all. no life isnt all that fair but there is often the good things even if they become hard to see when the darkness seeps in.

thank you, the feelings are very much reciprocated

i hope tonights a good one for you, my nights just got abit unpleasant

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

What happened @outlander that has made your night unpleasant? (only talk if you feel comfortable to do so). I can't talk about what happened to me yet, but eventually will. Thank you for caring. I don't like to see you struggle - wish I had a magic wand to take your pain away. I can only offer an ear and my heart ❤️

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