Hey Life - give me a break.

Thanks for your reply @Former-Member. My daughter is a typical Gen Y/ Millennial. Out with friends and especially the boyfriend so we are lucky to have dinner together three nights a week. Now that she had a full time job, I expect I'll see even less of her. When I wasn't living with her and came to visit for a couple of weeks at a time, we tended to make the most of it but I guess it's like with a lot of relationships, when you cohabit you expect that the other will always be there.

Too much time by myself can lead to overthinking things. Just as well I have this dog (actually my daughter's) to ground me.

My confidence and self esteem is in a sad state @Former-Member, I feel like I am just a shell of my former self. Sometimes, I just want to run away where no one knows me and if it wasn't for my kids, I probably would.

Thanks for the link. I will look at it a bit later. Hoping to gain something useful from it. I do meet people whilst out walking. It's usually just a quick hello and maybe a comment about our dogs. The pooch is definitely not a dog park sort of canine. Gets rather intimidated by other dogs bounding up to her.

Having moved around a bit over the past three years, I don't feel part of a community. I lived in the one home for many many years. And now I don't feel like I am connected to the people I used to hang out with. Actually it's hard to hear about their happy lives, their travel plans and their loving families 😥

Through my battle with anxiety/depression and my life's absolute downfalls in every way soul I don't have any interest in talking to anyone because I can't handle the small chit chat and hate people asking questions about my life.Ashamed of my situation,my illness and people totally don't understand,or give smart ass remarks.Went to see a friend weeks ago who I hadn't seen for a while but came away stressed as they go on with gossip about my previous workplace that triggers my stress.I also can't talk to them because of their gossiping ways.I live with my elderly mother,who I sold the family farm for,went to live in a city for six months where I had neighbors from hell which affected my mental health and no success at job, returned to live with my mother in the town I hate.Sold the farm due to battles with my mother over the years and absolute suffocation (feeling guilty going out the door on my own,not having my freedom),now it's ten times worse with her deterioration in health etc.I don't have that respect,the other siblings I don't talk to for many reasons,and the one nearby makes little effort with my mother which angers me greatly.It's hard to live with regrets and failures.Living together is alright as long as that respect is there to live your life if it's not it's unhealthy.

Yes Faith and Hope ,cortisol fat is hard,and I eat at night for no reason other than for stress and to comfort harm myself.After losing more than 100 kiilogramsi in in my life I feel no motivation to lose weight when like soul there's nothing in the future to look forward to...Besides housecleaning two houses that some weeks look like they've cleaned before I do it!Lol

Try and have a good day everyone and just breathe.

Note:what you just stated in your post is the way I feel soul,lost sense of community,I get agitated when I hear other people's lives that seem so perfect.I avoid people because I know them or are afraid they will say something that will cause a decline in my depression.If I see someone I will avoid them or say "hello" and take off.

Have just put a chicken casserole into my Mum's old slow cooker for dinner tonight. I used to love the meals she prepared for me. Even a cheese sandwich made by her tasted so good. The night before she passed away, I fed her some soup and custard in hospital. It was to be her last meal. Glad I could do it for her. She probably wasn't hungry but felt she had to eat it as it had been served to her.

It was the last time she spoke to anyone. No one can take that away from me.

I guess they are all valid reasons @Faith-and-Hope. At the time, I just told my mother and my son that things didn't work out. Neither of them asked anymore questions but my Mum just said that it was sad. Thankfully she never knew how sad it really was.

My daughter had to be told some of the truth as she picked me up from the airport when I returned home and saw the evidence. It disturbed her as you can imagine. Everytime I was on my phone she would want to know what I was doing (didn't want me to have anymore contact with him) I think she would be disappointed if she knew we message each other.

On the plus side, I have just booked tickets to an Author's talk at a local bookstore. I'll see if she wants to come along. If not, I may just go by myself.

I know I need to start socialising again some time @Former-Member. I think my dog is feeling the pressure of being my confidante and walking companion. I truly believe that she would like to sleep in most mornings. As it is, she is fast asleep on the sofa.

Darcy

Depends on your experiences in life,I was bullied,and fat shamed as a child,often used to hurt me in my life which was intentional.Came to the point to keep myself alive I had to filter in my head who to talk to and who to not.Yes the paranoia is high but after working in a small town for over twenty years,and having to turn into a b**** to survive I know what people are.I would love a job but can't get one and could not tolerate this environment again.When I worked in a aged care place one,a elderly lady picked me as a loner,and I am in many ways,now more than ever .I get lonely but always made to feel a target for people.

Darcy

Depends on your experiences in life,I was bullied,and fat shamed as a child,often used to hurt me in my life which was intentional.Came to the point to keep myself alive I had to filter in my head who to talk to and who to not.Yes the paranoia is high but after working in a small town for over twenty years,and having to turn into a b**** to survive I know what people are.I would love a job but can't get one and could not tolerate this environment again.When I worked in a aged care place one,a elderly lady picked me as a loner,and I am in many ways,now more than ever .I get lonely but always made to feel a target for people.I enjoy talking to people I don't know because it's less invasive.It's hard,I have had to block relatives etc because of their judgements.I have suffered psychotic depression and get severely down can't handle it.