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Hey Life - give me a break.

Hey Life - give me a break.

@PeppiPatty - regarding my story - it probably warrants a thread of its own. Really needing my friends@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@Determined@Former-Member@Former-Member@Anony18@outlander@Former-Member @PhoenixRising @Former-Member

Sexually assaulted at age 13. Have never told my family.

Went to uni and moved away afterwards for work so fully independent then.

Came back to my home town after a couple of years.

Had a couple of serious relationships and ended up marrying a narcissist used car dealer (say no more) Basically raised my kids by myself. At 40, he had a fling with a married 19year old who already had a two year old child. He fathered a child with her and I found out some time later when I discovered he was paying child support payments. Stayed in this loveless marriage until the kids had finished school, then divorced which was nasty and I suffered financially big time. Had loaned his business money but didn't have anything legal drawn up. He also moved a lot of money around and had an overdraft on our home.

Got into a relationship with someone who was actually interested in me and shared common interests. It was the best and worst time of my life. He fits all the criteria of BPD. Moved interstate to be with him. The relationship became volatile and he physically assaulted me. This is when I became involved with this Forum. On one occasion, a neighbour called the police and he was arrested. They saw my injuries, he admitted guilt and he was imprisoned. I stood by him all during his incarceration, funding an appeal and he was released after eight months only to be deported as he wasn't an Australian citizen. I joined up with him overseas but the assaults continued. He got sporadic help for his MI but wasn't committed to getting better.

Eventually after yet another particularly bad assault and having the police involved, I returned to Australia and that was four and a half months ago. He appears to be serious about managing his condition now, taking medication, going to support and counselling sessions and hopes that I will return. However, all trust has been obliterated. We still have contact and that can get traumatic at times.

I started off on the Carers' side but find myself on the Lived Experience team as well. I have been having sessions with a psychologist.

Thrown into the mix is my own family. They don't know what I have been through. I used to care for my father and mother, used all my holiday and long service leave, taking time off work and eventually quitting so I could be there for them. Two of my siblings also live nearby but they were more concerned about building wealth than our parents' wellbeing so it was left to me. My father passed away and when I left to be with my partner, my mother's care was transferred to them. I feel they resented my decision but for the first time in my life I felt I was entitled to pursue happiness (not that it turned out that way) The sibs shut me out and when Mum passed away recently things went from bad to worse and as Executors of her will they scattered her ashes when and where they wanted without telling me and are responsible for distributing her estate however they see fit. There was no funeral or memorial service.

I live with my daughter and my son lives with his father. I love my kids with all my heart and live for them. I have a dog (actually my daughter's) who is my constant companion. I do a lot of walking and listening to music to escape the depressing thoughts I feel. I have no idea what to do with my life now and think it's all a cruel joke.

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In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

That sounds really good @soul Good to find something that works, makes a difference. You're putting bin the hard work, reaping the benefits. Well done!
🌷🌿

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Good morning @soul 🙂 It's really great to hear that you've been feeling good over the last couple of days. Your yoga adventures sound so fun and so positive. Thank you for sharing them with us and for your encouragement also. Hope you keep feeling good for a while! 🙂

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Morning @soul

Good to hear things have been looking up for you. Haven't had a chance to keep up with things but have been thinking about you. Logged in to touch base and just read your last post now. Trust things continue to improve fof you.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Thanks @Determined. Hope you're winning more than losing.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Haven't updated this thread in a while @@Determined@CheerBear@Shaz51@Former-Member and all those following my story. What can I say? I think I am making very small steps in the right direction.

I feel that I am still unrecognisable from the person I used to be. How do you regain your self confidence? The living entity I talk most to is my dog - that is a reflection on my situation at the moment. I go to Woolies when it opens at 7:00am so I can avoid people; likewise I walk with earphones in. My yoga sessions are pretty much solitary and silent but that's okay, I am reaping the benefits of it in other ways.

More and more I am identifying with the Lived Experience than the Carer. I do have some contact with the BPD ex partner. Last weekend he sent me some photos and appeared to be in a good frame of mind. I sent some pics from my walk back to him. He responded positively and promptly to my emails. I ended up unblocking the messaging app. I sent another email and he acknowledged it and said he would reply.

A week goes by and nothing from him via email or messaging app. I ask if he is okay; he has seen the message but still doesn't respond. I'm thinking he's had a meltdown as this has been common in the past. So many times, he would say he would do something and then not follow through in all facets of his life. I can understand his struggles but a short explanation in the meantime would go a long way towards building trust instead of fuelling frustration.

Then finally he does respond in a casual sort of way saying that some silence doesn't mean he's turning into The Hulk. It's all very confusing to me. He says he is so happy that I opened up channels of communication yet then doesn't use them. Seems strange or is it manipulation?? My suspicious self wonders? Sometimes he has acted in a way that suggests self sabotage or maybe that is it. I don't know.

Perhaps it is time to finally let each other go. Maybe that's what I need to move on. I don't feel very trusting of others and avoid people as I don't want to answer their questions.

How do you get past trauma? Is it time? Does it even help to talk about it? During sessions with a psych, we never touched on the details. Just that it happened. So, six months on, I feel that I am kind of functioning but in my own world mostly.

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Hey @soul
Thanks for update. My understanding of going to a psych is that you would let them know what you would like to achieve from the sessions. Asking this question of them would not be inappropriate; I would also expect the answer will be different for each person and would depend on resilience and learned coping mechanisms.
Thinking of you.
Darcy

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Good morning @soul 🙂

I'm sitting in my car outside the supermarket psyching myself up to go inside. I usually wear headphones too. Something that used to be easy, can be so hard now.

I don't know what to say about your ex, but I can imagine that things could get really confusing quite easily for you. If they're behind a lot of your trauma, it's understandable that things can get messy and tricky for you. What comes to mind is the importance of trying to trust yourself, and listen to what your gut says. I genuinely believe that most of the time, you can't go wrong doing this.

Your questions about trauma recovery, and time, and talk therapy, are ones I ask myself allllllllll the time. I wish there were clear and definite answers, but I guess it's just such an individual process that there are none. It does sound like you're doing a great job working your way through it though, and making steps forward.

I had better get myself out of my car and in to the shop, if I want to make it to yoga today myself. Hope you have a good day today Soul 🙂

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Thanks for listening @CheerBear@Former-Member - I only wish I had the answers. Sometimes I don't really know the questions. In the meantime, I just try to live in the moment, hoping to forget the bad stuff from the past and not thinking too much about the future.

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Thinking of you @soul.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

thanks for the update @soul and thinking of you my friend

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