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Hey Life - give me a break.

Hey Life - give me a break.

@PeppiPatty - regarding my story - it probably warrants a thread of its own. Really needing my friends@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@Determined@Former-Member@Former-Member@Anony18@outlander@Former-Member @PhoenixRising @Former-Member

Sexually assaulted at age 13. Have never told my family.

Went to uni and moved away afterwards for work so fully independent then.

Came back to my home town after a couple of years.

Had a couple of serious relationships and ended up marrying a narcissist used car dealer (say no more) Basically raised my kids by myself. At 40, he had a fling with a married 19year old who already had a two year old child. He fathered a child with her and I found out some time later when I discovered he was paying child support payments. Stayed in this loveless marriage until the kids had finished school, then divorced which was nasty and I suffered financially big time. Had loaned his business money but didn't have anything legal drawn up. He also moved a lot of money around and had an overdraft on our home.

Got into a relationship with someone who was actually interested in me and shared common interests. It was the best and worst time of my life. He fits all the criteria of BPD. Moved interstate to be with him. The relationship became volatile and he physically assaulted me. This is when I became involved with this Forum. On one occasion, a neighbour called the police and he was arrested. They saw my injuries, he admitted guilt and he was imprisoned. I stood by him all during his incarceration, funding an appeal and he was released after eight months only to be deported as he wasn't an Australian citizen. I joined up with him overseas but the assaults continued. He got sporadic help for his MI but wasn't committed to getting better.

Eventually after yet another particularly bad assault and having the police involved, I returned to Australia and that was four and a half months ago. He appears to be serious about managing his condition now, taking medication, going to support and counselling sessions and hopes that I will return. However, all trust has been obliterated. We still have contact and that can get traumatic at times.

I started off on the Carers' side but find myself on the Lived Experience team as well. I have been having sessions with a psychologist.

Thrown into the mix is my own family. They don't know what I have been through. I used to care for my father and mother, used all my holiday and long service leave, taking time off work and eventually quitting so I could be there for them. Two of my siblings also live nearby but they were more concerned about building wealth than our parents' wellbeing so it was left to me. My father passed away and when I left to be with my partner, my mother's care was transferred to them. I feel they resented my decision but for the first time in my life I felt I was entitled to pursue happiness (not that it turned out that way) The sibs shut me out and when Mum passed away recently things went from bad to worse and as Executors of her will they scattered her ashes when and where they wanted without telling me and are responsible for distributing her estate however they see fit. There was no funeral or memorial service.

I live with my daughter and my son lives with his father. I love my kids with all my heart and live for them. I have a dog (actually my daughter's) who is my constant companion. I do a lot of walking and listening to music to escape the depressing thoughts I feel. I have no idea what to do with my life now and think it's all a cruel joke.

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In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Yes I miss my dogs @soul ,it might sound stupid to some,but the ones I had in childhood and in my adult life were my best friend's,I can't say that about any human.My cats are the only reason I am alive but,they are the only ones that need me.The thing with my triggers and trauma is it makes me retreat to keep myself "safe",and that's what your dog is doing at the moment.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

As I said to outlander with her trauma @soul you survived and you are OK,that's the main thing.It's hard because when we are triggered by something and retreat we are allowing that trauma to strengthen it's hold/impact on us.But as I said you are now OK @soul ,there with your four legged friend.

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Oh @soul, that sound really horrible. I think that being trapped and fearing for your own life, which let's face it - could have eventuated, and feeling so alone, unable to communicate with helpers, far from home - that's hard, really frightening.. That survival adrenalin - 'fight/flight/freeze' response would have kicked in in a big way, and seared itself into your memory (so we are better prepared nextime). Its a primal instinct that our body quickly responds / reacts to to the perceived same triggers. Logically we know this is unlikely to ever happen again, ever, bit biochemically and emotionally - they are slower to catch on. TaiChi has helped many with ptsd, me included, even war vets, and some say Yoga helps. I can talk myself down quicker these days, and the reliving it is gone in a day, most times. 5yrs for me now, from the worst most recent trauma. Yoy be gentle with yourself Soul 💞

Hi Li1, I'll have to get to know you better 🙂

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

I cant imagine what that must be like @soul

Wish there was something I could say or do. I am here though to virtual hold your hand and listen though as you have been so many times for me.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Still fresh in my mind - just six months ago that this particular event occurred @Former-Member. Thanks @Determined@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

The feeling of hopelessness was overwhelming. These huge apartment blocks are virtually empty. My friend back in Oz who knew something was wrong, tried to get help from the Australian consulate. She contacted the Australian police but they said they couldn't help as it was in another country. She rang the police overseas - they wouldn't help because she was in Australia and said that someone there had to put in the request.

Eventually she rocked up to a police station at 1:00am and demanded that they do something about it. Together they rang the police overseas and it was still several hours after that before anyone came to help me. I'm just glad it wasn't reported in the media.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

That is still very fresh @soul, it is no wonder this morning rattled you.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

That is a pretty special friend who would go to those lengths @soul

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

I reckon she saved my life @Determined I didn't make a statement to the police. Just wanted to go back home.

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

That's so recent @soul (have we had this conversation? sorry, I have memory lapses lol), the first 6month I found the hardest. The next significant recovery milestone seemed to be around 2yrs where the world becomes more real again. You're in early days, take all the time you need with this
xox
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