My Story

I had a tricky relationship with a very neglectful mother. Whom eventually I found was very manipulative and not as genuine as I first believed. I am learning to forgive myself about being too naive and used by her.

I think it is terrific you studied and have got some wider perspective on her. My sister did Welfare studies and we talked about it a lot, then I did psychoanalysis and social theory.

I see anger as a normal emotion a lot depends on the circumstances, but not everybody agrees with me. It certainly can corrode our insides if we keep it in, but how we let it out matters. I oersonally believe an honest direct message on the telephone is needed sometimes and can protect things from getting violent and nasty, but it all depends. For one thing you can know that you have not lied about treu feelings and issues.

I am fairly new to this forum and I hope you get some benefit. So far it has been a good experience for me. I believe it is the diversity of responses that are the best thing about peer to peer support.

Good luck

Thanks Appleblossom. It's ironic because I teach people how to use music to validate and express themselves in a safe and effective way. Anger is one of my favourite topics.

Thankyou for your support Linmerc. Tomorrow I have a group of adults with intellectual disability who I play music and sing with. They will melt it all away and I will once again stand on solid ground 🙂

Good on you. Anger is part of our life force. I was taught by a gestalt therapist to hit a bean bag with a basball bat when i was 24. I though it pretty weird at the time but being obedient and understanding the concept I tried. I it took a few more years to actually reach my anger, but i dont feel guilty about anger per se, as I was slow to it and had to part with hard earned cash to be told that was what I needed to do.

I thought of doing the music therapy MA and spent time at Yooralla. It is important work. It broke my heart being there but my physical issues mean I am not quick enough to deal with that kind of work. I loved "Musicophilia". I put a lot of therapy insights into my straight teaching and music groups. I am fine with a bit of hard rock if a student needs that to go along with scales and a bit of Bach.

Hi @PixieLove,

Welcome to the SANE Forums.

Thank you for your sharing your story. You’ve been through so much with your mother – I think your anger’s completely understandable. I also think it’s great that the work you do helps it melt away. Music can definitely be a healing force in our lives.

Looking around the Forums, you’ll find there are a few members who have challenging relationships with their mothers.

@lololili has recently been going through a difficult time with her mother and has shared her story here.

This thread from a few months ago is about @Jes_riot 's experience trying to encourage his mother to seek help. @jes_riot, I’d love to hear how things are going now. Perhaps you’ve got some ideas you could share about what helped, or even what didn’t help?

@Impala posted here about supporting her mother who lives with bipolar disorder.

@Impala , @lololili, @Jes_riot, can you relate to @PixieLove ‘s feelings of anger and frustration? Do you have any thoughts you’d like to share about caring for a mother with a mental illness?

Your stories are all unique but I really respect all of you for your patience and willingness to forgive and be there for your mothers.

Acacia

Well my Music Therapy group worked really well at giving me strength. She is at me again as I type but because she has chosen messaging, I am going over every word so carefully so I set boundaries without buying into her anger and attempts at manipulation. I really need to find her need to constantly try to make me feel guilty for not being the doting best friend daughter to her, funnier. I think this episode is going to last for a while. It's been going on, without me knowing, for a while now.

Sorry if this is an overshare for this group but I'm up by myself and my blocking my Mother's every move has quite predictably led to her threat of suicide. Right now I'm not concerned about her. It's her pattern. Right now I wish I could talk to my Nunna. My Nunna is my Grandmother, my Godmother and my Mother and she has dementia. Whenever Mum would do stuff. Ever since I was a kid I would go to Nunna. She lived next door for the first 15 years of my life. She and Nunnu would hold me whilst I cried then talked to me in a way that parents to do console and educate their children. They love me unconditionally and they are my world. Nunna would always help me make peace with God that I was doing the right thing. It makes me sad that I can't talk to her but I can always just cuddle her and talk to her and she will still get it. I just can't hear her words of wisdom coz she can't get them out. Through her being in a nursing home and me working in a nursing home I have met a lovely lady who I think I will ask to be my spiritual console when I need it. My work in Music Therapy has helped me accept my Nunna's dementia really well but there are times when I really wish I could have her back.

I am up too, but not sure i can help. I have been very close to these issues.

Its hard when we are pushed right up against the edges of life, for you, Nunna, and your mother.

Find the lovingkindness self in you. Or metta if you know about Buddhism.