Struggling to Survive

@Zoe7i know your really struggling

would you like to chat about it?

only if you want to that is.

i understand if you dont or if you just want to be sat with and 'heard'

I have no control over my life that's the problem @Zoe7, @Maggie,there are times like now where I wish I had in to the SC thoughts through the strong illusions I had four years ago. Therapy was a absolute waste of time and only added to the trauma and Hopelessness.It is hard to have a light when I have no confidence no self worth.I was a obese child,obese early adult,getting dressed today I got distressed,got a stomach of cortisol fat.I feel like that fat kid I was,one who had a visual weakness that said it was OK,," to put me down.I have been so humiliated by my failures and family,I wonder if I should go on myself at times.I have had a moment today where I can see the benefits of me not being here and those thoughts I know aren't good but it's the truth when I'm in distress.

Thankyou for the offer @outlander it is appreciated but I need to 'stick with' those I have been 'talking' to so I don't become too overwhelmed myself

no worries @Zoe7

if you change you mind im only a tag away

You never have to 'wash over' how you are really feeling here @Former-Member. I have had a really up and down down myself. Utopia's news was so uplifting, I am so pleased for her, but now I have returned to where I was before I heard that news and it is so very hard to sit with that I could have that moment of joy for someone else but still feel completely hopeless myself. It feels never ending and - just like you - all those feelings and memories come flooding back and I just ask myself 'what is the point'. If the only thing we have to hold onto is each other for now then that is one thing more than what I have on my own - so I am going to keep holding on!

I am presuming you have logged off for the night @Former-Member I know how hard it is to be here - to be anywhere - when you are feeling so hopeless. I also know how hard it is to be around people, to socialise, and to even connect with anyone when you feel like this. It is ok to not want to be here (or anywhere) but know that we hear you and are with you. No-one should endure this kind of suffering and - just like me and @Maggie - I am sure that you have done absolutely nothing to deserve this. The world is a very mixed up place and some people find pleasure in 'destroying' others - it is not right, it is not warranted and it certainly is not ok. It is such a shame that our world sees so much heartache and so much pain because there is beauty out there - it just isn't something we are familiar with. When you have struggled to try to overcome so much hurt in your life it doesn't leave much 'headspace' to experience anything positive. The only positive I can see in my life at the moment is that I continue to wake up each day - and when that is something I actually don't want to do then that positive is quickly turned into a negative. I don't know how to move out of this life I am 'stuck' in and I certainly don't know how to see beyond the darkness. What keeps me going is having people like you on here that understand exactly what I mean in what I have just said - and that gives me a little extra strength to get through another day - I hope this is also the case for you @Former-Member

Thanks @Zoe7,I can't connect with people I know,the fear of being judged .I haven't got the confidence or the energy or the interest.When you are low I think the frightening part is you can't see a future.

@Former-Member @Zoe7 ..... ❤️