Struggling to Survive

It has been a long time since we 'kept each other company' @Mazarita

I haven't been in a good way lately and haven't been on much myself - just keeping to a couple of threads and not keeping up with everyone either - haven't had the energy to post myself let alone support anyone else.

Having a good attitude to your mental illness is an excellent start. It is natural to have ambivalent feelings - it is often more difficult to align what we know with how we feel - but hopefully that will come for you as you gain a better understanding of what you are 'dealing with'.

@Zoe7, I've been doing pretty much the same with the threads and lack of motivation to post. Just haven't had the heart for it lately. With the bipolar, the thing is, I've been dealing (or not dealing) with it all my life. It seems odd to me too get this diagnosis now at age 55, in a period of relative stability, after all these years of seeing psychiatrists. At the same time, I welcome the clarity.

I think welcoming the clarity is a great place to focus your mind @Mazarita - and being in a period of relative stability may infact be good as you can deal with the 'emotional' side of diagnosis even better

My MH diagnosis is not a shock to me - but the extent that it has manifested itself over the last 6 months certainly is. It seems that I have been 'treading water' for over 20 years and becoming so ill last year - and being unable to do anything for a couple of months - certainly emhanced my 'symptoms'. It has been all downhill since then. Everything that was locked away and sitting just under the surface was brought to light. Now I am dealing with the extent of 'it all' and not being able to cope with it. I have been sick again over the last month or so and as a result I have 'gone backwards' in a major way. I am holding on atm - but only just!

It's a very hard time in your life, @Zoe7. I hear you on how hard it has been for over 20 years previously. I feel the same in a way, except I know I was mentally ill even as a child. I experienced so much depression and anxiety and sleeplessness (and trauma) even then. These days seem like the calmest, most nurturing time of my life, despite my daily struggles. Yes, I guess I am in an okay place to better process these feelings I'm having about the clearer diagnosis at this late stage.

It is such a positive place for you to be in to be able to process your feelings @Mazarita - recognising that you are in a calm, nurturing time of your life and also that you still have daily struggles shows both foresight and acknowledgement of exactly where you are 'at'. That is a great place to be to process your feelings and tackle your diagnosis 'head on'. Maybe it is 'the universe's' way of telling you that before this you weren't ready or able to accept a diagnosis and that now is the 'right time' to be able to move forward.

I really hope so Maz - and that your future is full of light, hope and happiness

I hope a future of light, hope and happiness for you too, @Zoe7.

Well, here we are after 4am. Will you get some sleep once daylight arrives? That's when I usually get tired.

Thanks @Mazarita but I am not so sure that is in the cards for me.

It is after 4 here too but I doubt sleep will come soon for me. It is one of those nights when it may be dangerous for me to even try. I am not sure how to put this - if I do sleep but wake suddenly then there is a high possibility that I may not be safe!

Hugs again, @Zoe7. It sometimes seems we need to weave winding paths around our MI. I get that you might not be able to sleep for a while yet. Happy to keep you company as long as you wish, while I'm still wakeful.

Thankyou @Mazarita It does help to keep occupied and not feel so alone

Do you have any plans for the upcomimg day?

@Zoe7, I had to think what day it was for a moment! Sunday. No plans. In fact no solid plans until Wednesday. But I am likely to visit my friend in that time, probably more than once. Beach going is always on the agenda if possible. Domestic duties lurk always in the background, lol. What about you, Zoe, any plans coming up?