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Struggling to Survive

Struggling to Survive

When life has no meaning, no purpose - it is a constant struggle to confront each new day and manage to ‘function’. Detachment from reality is my best defence. Without the emotional connections I am able to survive. The smallest of distractions can send me into a spiral that leads to unwanted and harmful thoughts. Feelings become amplified to the point of physical discomfort. The world closes in and seems to trap me in a never ending dark spiral. I can’t see the way out as I am tossed and turned, battered and bruised. The wounds are internalised and the struggle continues!

So I need to be alone as that is my only certainty for being safe – safe from disappointment, safe from conflict, safe from being let down, safe from violence, safe from further hurt. But when there are few distractions and your mind has time on its own to think, the freedom of space begins to close in. When you realise that the only people in the world that actually know you exist and care about you are the ones that you are isolating yourself from then the heartache and loneliness is magnified. If I was one cube of ice in an avalanche nobody would see me – it would make no difference if I were not there – the avalanche would continue regardless. I am one tiny, insignificant part of the universe that would soon be forgotten – in the wider scheme of life – I may as well not exist!

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In response to: Struggling to Survive

Re: Struggling to Survive

@utopia above message

In response to: Struggling to Survive

Re: Struggling to Survive

yes @Zoe7 - it truly is inconceivable in so many ways and totally unfair as well. it's awful. the shock of that would be awful and having to 'see' the coworker at school would have been so hard.
its one of the things i find hardest about my situation.. having to continue to work with andcommunicate with my ex in order to raise our kids. its so hard, the fear i have is so bad. but i have no power/control over the family court and their ideas on what is fair/reasonable when it comes to these situations.
its also a large part of the reason i dont/cant ahve anything to do with my family, even though the people who abused me 'can't' anymore even if iw ere to have anything to do with any of them, it is still too much knowing that they are there. i found out that one had married again and had more children also and i feel this massive guilt to do with that but again i feel trapped and cant do anything. its impossible. i dont have any advice for getting through it. i am just taking it a day at a time lately. thinking ahead and behind is sohard.
and mostly the unjustness of life, the unfairness of who suffers just sucks! but it probably proves we are the ... better people.. at least we feel something even when we have done wrong, or not much wrong, we feel it. They obviously dont, they have no guilt or shame because they're rotten to the core.

In response to: Re: Struggling to Survive

Re: Struggling to Survive

100% agree @Former-Member My biggest fear was always that my ex would come back and 'finish' what he started! He never did - and in some ways that made it worse because he just got on with his life while I lived in fear every day. It also made me feel like I didn't matter - what had happened didn't matter, all the time we had been 'together' and al that he had put me throug didn't matter. Thankfully there weren't children involved but it wasn't as easy to 'distance myself' from his family - I was too 'involved' with different aspects of my life crossing over into theirs.

I so totally get the day at a time scenario. I find it really difficult being reminded of so much also through family, work, and just general life - there are so many crossovers in so many different aspects of my life - that is why I can't move forward - because I can't even begin to resolve any of this - it is too complicated.

@Former-Member I really do 'get' the complexities of your situation - without even knowing too many details - because I live the complexities of my life every day - and I really do not know how I have got this far and why I even try to keep going!

In response to: Struggling to Survive

Re: Struggling to Survive

@Zoe7. Wow. I don't know how you managed to go to work, knowing a colleague was married to 'one of them'. That must be beyond comprehension.
And then that your ex is married with kids. No. There was no reason for him to do what he didto you. None at all. Yes, he gets to 'live' his life. Gets to repeat the trauma with ssomeone else. The bastard.
But he won't come back & 'finish the job' @Zoe7. You are too strong for him. You beat him. He didn't win. Because Karma will catch up with him.
He won't ever come back and touch you.
Now you get to work with your psychiatrist to remove that bastard from your memory - just as he's removed from your life.
You are worth 1000000 times more than he is. He will get his just deserts. And you will find a way to get through this.
♥♥♡

In response to: Re: Struggling to Survive

Re: Struggling to Survive

I haven't been 'back to work' @utopia - found out while I was on sick leave at the end of last year - actually just before my birthday and just before I joined the forum. I still can't comprehend that I have known this person for years - talked and laughed with them - and had no idea. She is the nicest person you could meet- soft, kind, sincere, thoughtful, caring - and married to someone who she has no idea of what he has done. I would like to think that he regretted what he did to me but it seems that it doesn't even 'register' because of the life he has now. That alone is enough to tell me that 'I don't matter - that I never mattered'

If you only knew the extent of what my ex did @utopia - I honestly thought he would be incarcerated or worse because I could not imagine he would not do some of the things he did to me again with someone else - but to find out he is married with kids - that is not the person I knew and 'lived with'. Maybe he 'cleaned himself up' and becsame a 'better person'. For his wife and kids sake I hope so - but I will never forget the person he was and the person I believe he still must be deep inside.

In response to: Re: Struggling to Survive

Re: Struggling to Survive

@Former-Member

In response to: Struggling to Survive

Re: Struggling to Survive

@Zoe7 ♥♥♥ After the things I know he did - men like that don't change. They just find a new victim. Another person who can't speak out.
What these guys did - there is no reason for it -other for them to feel ppowerful. Those people who need to 'conquer' others, they don't change. And your coworker - probably wears a mask like you did.
I bet no one knew what was happening to you at the time - not your coworkers - not your sister. Because you had your mask on.
They tried to take your power then. Don't let them take it now.
You fight. You work with your psychiatrist and you do what needs to be done - to get through these memories. You do what you can, to make a new and better life for yourself. You stick it to those bastards, by creating a better life for yourself. One better than they could imagine.
You don't let them win. You fight. And then you fight harder. And we/I, will be standing by your side, supporting you all the way.

In response to: Re: Struggling to Survive

Re: Struggling to Survive

Thank you @Zoe7

I cant imagine my ex changing either, though he hasnt physically hurt the kids... i do hope for your ex's wife and kids sake that he has learnt to choose to control himself but it doesnt make anything that he ever did better in any way.

hugs

In response to: Re: Struggling to Survive

Re: Struggling to Survive

@utopia you only know a small part of it my friend. You know the 'ending' which could have been the worst if he had succeeded but not a lot of other 'stuff'- which I will never be able to talk about

As for those 'other guys' - it feels a bit like a constant horror movie - but it is real and I am in it!

@Former-Member That is a relief that he hasn't hurt the kids but it doesn't change the fact that you have been hurt - and continue to be by him. I really feel deeply for you sweetheart. I do not know how you can be so strong and keep it together so much - and despite what you think yourself - you really are amazing (and I know you do not think that and you will also have trouble accepting that I have said that to you - but I do mean it and you should listen and believe it yourself)

In response to: Re: Struggling to Survive

Re: Struggling to Survive

im not as strong as you think @Zoe7 sorry, hugs
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