Wanting to be alone but not lonely

I sometimes feel the same way. Unfortunately I don't have any good answers, but just wanted to let you know that I can relate.

Hi @Former-Member, do you live in a city or country area? The reason I ask is that I have been helped quite a lot with this problem by being accepted into a Phams program. They allocated a support worker to me who has visited every couple of weeks for the past 18months, helping me with getting out of the flat and more engaged with the community and other people. I still have the impulse to withdraw, and still do, but nowhere near as much as I used to a few years ago. It may however be easier to access Phams in urban areas than country areas, I am not sure.

Aside from that, I guess the way it has worked for me to come out of my shell to whatever extent I have, is taking one small step outwards at a time. Another way to look at it is that it's like gently stretching the envelope on what we can and eventually feel comfortable doing again. For me this is an ongoing process of self-rehabilitation, with some support structures in place to help (eg. GP, psychiatrist, support worker, more friends than I used to have).

I now have a small daily diary to help me structure my time better, where once everything was kind of mushy and I'd end up doing nothing. If I see something that I might like to do outside of home, I write it in my diary with a question mark. It doesn't even really matter if I don't do the thing, just the process of writing it down seems to help me overall be readier to do maybe other things.

I wonder if any of this makes any sense to your life.

Either way, I do relate to your situation and wish you well.

Good Morning @Former-Member, I can really relate to your situation As I read it it sounded like my own mind! I am desperately lonely, and I often find myself thinking 'how can there be so many lonely people, why don't they just get together', but I always end up answering myself, because I know how I feel; for many years I have said 'I don't like people', that I'm afraid of them. But I crave people, I want people - I think the truth is I just can't trust people, and if I delve a little deeper into the truth - I just can't trust myself. I don't believe I can react in a way that is socially acceptable and think I will always be rejected. I'm tired of all the rejection, avoidance or sickly sweetness.

I think Mazy has a great suggestion, to help yourself you may need to be strong enough to allow others to help you. I was offered help, more along the lines of household tasks; and I really would like help mowing the lawn for instance, but I can't allow myself to have anyone know where I live - it would be pretty hard to help someone with their lawn . . . if you didn't know where that lawn was! 🙂

I got worse than fobbing people off, I started verbally attacking them - it works . . . they leave you alone.

I can't believe anyone being nice to me, I convince myself it's a con and keep waiting for the crunch, or the punch, or whatever it is that they're planning to use me for.

And yet I also believe that the average person is just that, . . . average - not particularly evil nor particularly good; all going through fears and doubts, trials and triumphs. So I guess my only advice for you is to seek out whatever positive experiences you can. The only person that can help you is you. Your courage and will is the most neccessary element in seeking the help you may need.

Lots of gentle hugs for you Nooks

You are not alone.

Hello @Former-Member 🙂

I think over-thinking is over-common. I had a Doctor tell me once, my thoughts weren't the problem, everybody has thoughts good and bad; my focus on particular thoughts wasn't healthy, your supposed to think the thought and let it go to move on to the next one. Sometimes a thought gets stuck in my head, it goes round and round and warps all out of proportion. I convince myself that I know things that I don't, that there are absolute truths that simply aren't there. I understand that drain.

But on a more positive note, your right, making plans is a brilliant start - whether you go through with them or not; I think it's all a part of positive thinking. I couldn't tell you how many plans or for how long I planned a little camp trip - but I can tell you I actually did it (not that long ago) . . . and it felt incredible 😄

One of my beliefs is that if you never give up on something, you never fail at it. As long as it's there, somewhere in the back of your mind, it's still achievable.