Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

@Determined

that sounds very difficult....coming at a time where communication was openly working....expressions from your darling that she is very aware of how much you are affected..,.turning the feeling back onto herself as why do you put up with me.....so very common a feeling from a person with mental illness...

self -doubt ....wavering self esteem...time of year....all factors leading to pushing loved ones away...if we with mental illness struggle with ourselves...we often turn that inwards blaming ourselves....the cycle keeps on going...

a third party ...who has caused much trouble in the past...lingering in the back ground would be possibly driving you mad....

your darling sounds as though she is very on edge...very concerned about affecting you...so is guarded...waiting...watching how you react...

you are human...can only take so much...release some pent up feelings which in turn are taken by your darling as her fault...

I am just wondering if you have any humour between the two of you that has helped in the early stages of your marriage....you probably are thinking that I have lost the plot now...

I read between the lines that here is a family where there is so much love...which has been stretched...twisted....entangled...entwined....is still there just appearing a little different...

special school next year is not happening just yet...christmas ...school holidays are...

building a stronger base in preparation can be helpful...

are you still seeing a counsellor/psychologist? if so can you talk about a way of letting your darling know that when releasing your feelings...they are not about anger...they are about your hurt and pain..

I have been down this path with my husband...who actually needs time away..as in his own space...then we talk...

would this be an option for you to tell your wife that when dealing with your own feelings arising that you need some space to work through them yourself....then the two of you can talk when both calmer..

as far as the"drug addict cow" would your darling take more notice if you explained that this person is a very bad influence and role model for your children...therefore not good to include her in your lives..

just some suggestions....may not be of any help...sometimes just knowing that you have been heard...listened to....your feelings acknowledged as being very real for you can be enough..

keep on writing

it might not feel like it right now...you are being a very good parent, husband...so tell yourself so...

yes @Former-Member

I had to delete common tablet for headache label once...

specific names....even symptoms with others would not be helpful as we all react differently to different medications...

sadly mental health medication is so far behind the rest of the medications for physical issues...

it relies very much on observing symptoms...reactions over a period of time which is what you are already doing..

most of the symptoms that accompany medication have the same possible symptoms...reactions for all of them..

continuing to seek some answers from the medical people regulating his medication is probably the safer way to go...which again you are already doing..

@Determined

have you typed in bpd in the search bar on both carers and lived experience and read older posts by others...

if you get a feeling about someone's post showing they are open in discussing how they feel...what they do to help themselves...how they relate to others in their lives...

you can sensitively start asking some generalised questions...this will give you an inkling if they respond of how guarded they are..

if you honestly state you want some further insight into your wife's illness ...most people will be grateful to read that...especially if there are very few people in their own live's supporting them..

I think an ongoing ...see what flows...approach would work..

keep on talking

@Former-Member have seen your responses but have to head out now. Will read them properly and reply later tonight.

@Faith-and-Hope, spoke to a teacher we know from the school this morning, apparently boys may not be in the same class after all 👍👍👍

I explained the dynamic to the principal at the enrollment interview may have something to do with it... don't know?

LoL, we saw the poor little guy at the shops this afternoon (I feel sorry for the son, he was with a youth worker not the mother) well S1 completely ignored him like he was not even there. Completely out of character, perhaps he has picked up on the tension with the parents, he is very perceptive like that.