Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

DeterminedSenior Contributor15 June 2017, 5:56 pm AEST

Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

This discussion is a follow on from my previous thread Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family, a thread I started when my wife was admitted to hospital for the third time in 6 months and when everything around me seemed to be falling apart. It was a space where I could vent and express my emotions and helped me to process a particularly difficult time not only in my own life but for our family and helped me to hold myself together in order to support my family. For that I am most grateful.

Those of you who were following our journey will know that on my darlings return home I have been encouraged by my councillor to implement some loving boundaries, (lovingly implemented guidelines, not as rules to be enforced), and some self-care for myself.

Now that my darling is home the purpose of this new thread is to document our journey of healing and implementing new boundaries and commitment to self-care, not only so that I can have a visual plan for myself (a bit of self-accountability to follow through with plans in place) but in the hope that it may help others processing similar trials. It will also be an opportunity to track our progress over time.

604 replies

461 - 470 of 604

1...46 47 48...61

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

DeterminedSenior Contributor24 Nov 2017, 7:34 pm AEDT

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Well I'm confused

Yesterday it was its over, were finished, pack your bags and leave.

This afternoon I said I wanted to take the boat out and go fishing (meaning I was having a day of me time) now my darling is happily looking forward to a family day out on the boat? Asked me if I could please get some snack food.

While I was looking forward to some time alone I'm not about to reject an opportunity for a family day out. That is after all why I got the boat in the first place.

So instead of me sitting back relaxing my morning will be spent fixing tangles and baiting hooks. But as long as everyone else is happy.

I will try again next week while the boys are at school if the weather holds out. My luck it will be raining and windy again by then .

In response to: Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Unknown userMember24 Nov 2017, 10:12 pm AEDT

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

@Determined

Great that you are having a family outing.....

perhaps you can pencil in a day for you to have some me time,,

if too windy for boat...just fishing....

just hiking..walking along the beach...

somehting that determined likes,,,

pit is very hard to choose when it is new for us to do,,

i have started one day a week having lunch with elderly ladies we play cards..share lunch,,can last up to six hours.

Want to do tai chi as well somewhere ..need to investigate further

take care

In response to: Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Unknown userMember24 Nov 2017, 10:15 pm AEDT

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Hello @patientpatient

what suggestions do you have for me time.

In response to: Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

DeterminedSenior Contributor25 Nov 2017, 6:21 pm AEDT

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Well I am pleased to report that the boat trip went well. Even when the weather turned and we all got drenched , it wasn't raining but the waves were bigger than our little tinny and the wind was blowing the water all over us.

The boys loved the rough ride and salt water shower and my darling was loving seeing the children so excited.

No fish for dinner unfortunately, I caught a little shark but sent it back. Have an idea they are protected anyway. Still cant find any info on that.

Had my 10 min kip now, time to go wash the boat.

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Unknown userMember25 Nov 2017, 9:26 pm AEDT

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Good to hear trip went well @Determined

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Unknown userMember10 Dec 2017, 5:39 pm AEDT

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Bro, I know things are terribly difficult in the @Determined household. I hope that you will have some sort of break through that will help you.

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

DeterminedSenior Contributor10 Dec 2017, 6:02 pm AEDT

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Thanks @Former-Member
We are talking again, that I am thankful for.
Aparently my darling asked her parents if she could stay there, thankfully they said no. Told her to go home and talk to me.

I went to see out Pastor for some guidance, he challenged me to tell my darling I love her as often as I can and reinforce that I only want what is best for her and our family. That has been much harder than I expected. I now recognise that I have been withdrawn emotionally out of self preservation, going to take some work on my part to reverse these feelings.

Hard not to feel resentful when it feels like I am always the one 'sucking up' to keep the peace. Perhaps my body language reflects this? I do remain 100% commited to our marriage though and will do whatever it takes to hold it together.

Don't like to whinge though, lots of people having a rough time at the moment. I have felt lonely for a long time and it is really getting on top of me. I have an appointment with gp in a week to discuss. I really dont want to go back to my pdoc for very specific reasons, will discuss with gp to ensure I am being objective before I make that decision final.

In response to: Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Dec 2017, 6:40 pm AEDT

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Hearing you @Determined .....

I disengaged emotionally for self preservation ..... but couples counselling work is about re-engaging ..... which is scary when the illness hasn’t been addressed yet ..... 😳

Have to trust the cc that this has to at least be attempted, and is perhaps some of the resolution ..... not going it alone anyway ..... have the cc assessing how it is going and what the responses are.

Brene Brown calls it “leaning into vulnerability”. Is that what it feels like ?

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Unknown userMember10 Dec 2017, 6:44 pm AEDT

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

@Determined

I think that is really wise advice from the padre. It will be hard, being vulnerable is not easy.

After I nearly lost Mr D, I made it a priority to let Mr D know I loved him and that I was on his side, that it was not easy for him and I would do what I could to help him get through, at times this has been hard (as when upset he has not responded nicely) but our relationship is all the better for it.

As carers we often do have to 'suck it up' but finding ways of doing this in love, without feeling resentment can be tough.

Sometimes I have thought about putting a question out there on the LE side asking if there are any dudes with the same Dx as Mr D to see if they could give me tips. Perhaps posing some questions to ladies with BPD re things they would find positive for a bloke to do in a relationship might help you???

In response to: Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Dec 2017, 6:54 pm AEDT

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

I have found people on the LE side very generous in sharing with carers in this way .... bless them ❣️

461 - 470 of 604

1...46 47 48...61