Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Hi @Former-Member

The marriage counselling turned out to be a bit of a curve ball @Former-Member , I'm not sure if I misunderstood what my darling told me or if she misunderstood what the gp told her at the previous visit but the counselling referral is not for couples counselling but intimacy counselling for my darling. She has been referred to a specialist in the area. What that involves I have no idea as I was not at the appointment and my darling can't remember what she was told 5 minutes agomso she has no idea either.

She is anxious about travel required as we we will have to travel close to 3 hours to visit the specialist (one way) and it is quite expensive. Given how hard it will be for her I have to give her credit for even considering it. I would still like to try again for some actual couples councelling but one thing at a time.

Managed not to answer calls the other day, I just had the phone diverted to voicemail, what calls I didn't know about I didn't have to worry about. Plenty of missed calls and messages when I turned the phone back on from worrying about getting rid of puppies to fixing blocked septic lines and arranging pest control.

I was away from home for over 12 hours and everything was all intact when I got home so all good.

lol I tagged you twice in that last post Darcy, off in lala land I am.

I am feeling washed out and flat at the moment, feel like a steam roller has gone over me, not looking good for back to uni and work next week. I don't know if I should contact pdoc or not, have just started a new med and it could be having an affect on me even though I am on a super low dose.

Also worry about my darling would not help, I have had the feeling that things were not right but she actually mentioned this afternoon that she felt she was slipping and was worried because she 'dosent want to go back there'

I recon part of the problem is hormonal but when I mentioned that to the pdoc last time she went into hospital he looked at me like I was stupid and ignored me. That was when he was determined on ect and was disinterested in any alternate solutions (in my opinion).

Those are good ideas @Former-Member for @Determined to try. From the point of view of a woman, I would appreciate little things like that. It certainly is worth a try.

That's a blow concerning the counselling @Determined. You don't want things to stagnate or get worse. I suppose having to travel a considerable distance is a disadvantage of living in regional area. I know you have received support from your church before. Is that an option again?

These concerns would certainly not be helping your outlook on going back to uni and work. When so many bad things happen, it's easy to get bogged down in negativity. The world didn't cave in when you had your phone off so that's a good sign.

Have you enlisted the help of your mother and mil? If you've just started this new med, it might take a bit of getting used to. Wouldn't hurt to have a chat with the doctor. Your Darling might be getting a bit anxious about the change of routine for next week also.

How are the boys doing?

Great suggestion @Former-Member something I need to be more consistent in. I used to do it all the time but it became hit and miss as to how it was received so I lost interest and motivation, good prompt to 'try again' so thank you. I did actually start working through a book 'The love dare' a while ago, I should try again. Great advice and principles.

The biggest problem is it becomes an expectation and at the same time getting accused of only doing it because 'I want something' then when I do nothing not careing any more. So need to find a balance. The hardest thing for me is not responding based on my own hurt feelings when there is a percieved lack of appreciation.

I dont know if it is a blow or not @soul, re the councilling. If she can get some successful help in this area it may be the foundation we need to work on the rest of our relationship issues. Going to discuss recommendations for councillors with our pastor when he returns from leave, also with my own councillor at next visit, I think that organisation may offer relationship counselling, even better, if they do it will be free 😆.

Looking at my last post @soul it doesn't make a lot of sense, what I was trying to say was I think that it will still be a positive for us having my darling see the specialist before couples councilling. And we can still look into the couples councilling at the same time, I just dont want to overload her so happy to take it one step at a time.

Agree @Determined - easy does it. Hope you get your medication sorted out too. I'm sure once you have a routine going, things will be better. Think about how well you did at uni last semester and how good it made you feel.