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Flower back & starting over

Unknown userMember09 June 2017, 7:52 am AEST

Flower back & starting over

Good morning everyone and to my dear friends,

@Former-Member@Appleblossom @Kurra @BlueBay @Determined @utopia @Zoe7 @Queenie @Sahara @Shaz51 @Former-Member

I hope you are okay.

EVERY DAY IS A NEW BEGINNING, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, SMILE, AND START AGAIN.

The past 12 month have definitely been a game changer for me. Although it's been over two years of starting to discover - step by step - my mental health issues and coming to terms with the effect my childhood and other trauma had on my mental health, the past 12 months changed my life. I was in hospital three times, learnt more than I ever thought I would (want to) learn about mental health and strategies, adjusted my life and in the end finished the career I have always worked for so hard and wanted more than anything else in my life. I've ended relationships and created boundaries. I've started slowly to accept my inner child and that I actually have mental health issues.

And now I start with a clean canvas. A canvas that I will paint on and over for the rest of my life. Layers and layers of acrylic colours. Space for mindmaps to figure out what's really important for me, space for happy memories and for sad ones, but mainly space for the here and now.

I know my post sounds encouraging and hopeful. I am hopeful that my current deep depression will lift and that I will find enthusiasm to start work on that canvas. At the moment I allow myself to rest. Rest from the struggles of the past 12 months. And at times when the fog lifts, I am encouraged to look at the world with different eyes and explore different opportunities.

You have all made a positive impact on my journey and I am sure there are new friends to be made, so I am back and hoepfully this time, here to stay.

Have a great day everyone x

117 replies

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In response to: Flower back & starting over

Unknown userMember17 June 2017, 8:31 pm AEST

Re: Flower back & starting over

Hi @Former-Member

It's Arie here one of the moderators, I have taken over now and will be around until midnight if you need. Another moderator will take over then until daylight

In response to: Flower back & starting over

Unknown userMember18 June 2017, 2:27 am AEST

Re: Flower back & starting over

Hi @Former-Member

Anybody out there?

In response to: Flower back & starting over

Unknown userMember18 June 2017, 2:40 am AEST

Re: Flower back & starting over

😞

In response to: Flower back & starting over

Unknown userMember18 June 2017, 3:58 am AEST

Re: Flower back & starting over

😞

In response to: Re: Flower back & starting over

ethSenior Contributor18 June 2017, 3:59 am AEST

Re: Flower back & starting over

Hi @Former-Member I'm here if you want to talk.

In response to: Flower back & starting over

Unknown userMember18 June 2017, 8:00 am AEST

Re: Flower back & starting over

Hi @eth,

Big hugs, I logged off after that.

In response to: Re: Flower back & starting over

ethSenior Contributor18 June 2017, 8:06 am AEST

Re: Flower back & starting over

How are you feeling this morning @Former-Member? I went back to sleep after that post myself. Did you get some sleep?

In response to: Flower back & starting over

outlanderSenior Contributor18 June 2017, 8:40 am AEST

Re: Flower back & starting over

Hugs @Former-Member 💕💕💕

In response to: Flower back & starting over

Unknown userMember18 June 2017, 9:40 am AEST

Re: Flower back & starting over

Good morning - this was my message yesterday morning, that I did not post.

@Former-MemberI'm not really sure if I am allowed to post this.

Yesterday was a good day, I think. I'm so good at pushing away negative and positive memories that I don't remember. I think short term memory loss is on my withdrawal list - check, no it only says confusion, paranoia, dissociation (which I do anyway) and depersonalisation (not naming anything unrelated to memory loss). Yes, I have a list of withdrawal symptoms hanging on my wall, so when I feel like now, I can check if it's only the meds. It doesn't talk about feeling like crying all day or SH and SI thoughts. I battle them the most and every time I have come across this in the past, I always had to find new ways to make me stop - I haven't been successful in stopping SH, but never acted on SI, probably because I very well know, that I wouldn't survive it, all my plans are bullet proof - HAHA. Over time the reasons to stay alive or better not to act on SI have changed. Saying that my husband would miss me, obviously doesn't make sense, when I think he'd be better off without me. A reason dot org helped me a long time, but since losing my job, it's lost it's sense, as I am doing everday things that no one would ever have expected of me.

In response to: Flower back & starting over

Unknown userMember18 June 2017, 9:51 am AEST

Re: Flower back & starting over

- I do not fear tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday - and I love today - William Allen White

I've spent the past 24 hours hiding and sleeping. I might do another 24 hours of hiding and sleeping. On my bed island. I'm still here. I made it through another bad 24 hours. The sun is shining today. Straight into my bedroom and reflecting off the mirror so I cannot hide from the sunshine - unless I pull the cover over my head. But I'm sore from lying down all the time...

Every day is a choice. A choice. I brought my drawing pad into the bedroom so I can continue sketching my values. I find if I cannot sketch a value it's not a value that is true for me. A value must be actionable for me. And my therapist told me to do some value searching. Find a new meaning in my life. I believe she's right. I feel for a long time I'm lost. And about 80% of my week day were spent at work, so losing work has a major impact.

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