Topic Tuesday tonight at 7pm AEST / Do carers have a right to be happy? *CLOSED*

@Rjb, I think @Viv raises a great point about holding one's sorrow to find happiness.

@Viv can you explain a bit more about how you learned how to do this?

While doing those 'little' things are a way to express happiness I think, I have felt the nedd to go deeper than that.

Ultimately my search for happiness was consolidated when I went through the process towards 'radical acceptance' and all that this means. Towards a goal of compassion, including self compassion. Then I was able to investigate my values and determine what it means for me to live by my values. This was how I overcame the pain of watching my adult daughter live through her pain, knowing I was powerless to do anything.

It was through understanding my values and then determining how I lived according to those values that I was able to rise above superficial responses and live a life as I believed. If I have challenges today, it is returning to my core values and applying the techniques I have learnt, that leads me back to acceptance.

Of course, little things like exercise, especially walking; being open to the wonders of the universe; recognising the positive in social interactions; and patting any dog I can...that all helps too!

@astrengthinever that's such an interesting idea about modelling happiness so your loved one will share it. That's a very loving act.

Advice commonly given to carer's, which I've no doubt given myself in the past, is to carve out your own time for things that make you happy. But actually including your loved one in those activities is a wonderful idea too that has so many benefits for you both. Love it.

In a perfect world there would be time for both 🙂

So true @astrengthinever, happiness is contagious, and if you are happy it can certainly help your loved one be happy too.

Hey rjb, BPD is a special world. If you are in Victoria, keep your eyes open for the support group and the Family Connections training.

@Viv Love your post. One of the great things I love about getting older is having a clearer idea about what's important to me and making sure that my life aligns with these values. I agree, real happiness that way lies.

But even within this life, I need to make sure that I savour it. And build my relationships based on kindness. And boost my endorphins.

One of my new happiness boosting strategies is cycling to work. It really makes me smile. And sing. Much to my families embarrassment. There's something silly and childlike about it that makes a difference to me.

Has anyone else found anything similar?

Wonderful advice @Viv regarding values? Did you find it challenging to aligning your behaviours with core values? I mean did you find that your values were in sycn with your values?

I think when we're talking about carer's happiness it always worth thinking about the carer's recovery. It's a process we need to go through too.