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Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Today i found out my contract is not going to be renewed.

I'm devestated. I really liked this job. I sucked at it, but I really liked it.

I feel sick at the thought I'm back looking for jobs again. I cannot deal with that. And going back on centrelink. The stress of never having enough money to pay the bills. I feel sick at the thought of it.

My boss was really nice about it. But she did spend quite a bit of time talking about how I wasn't well and I needed to take some time to get well. I just feel like such a failure. I feel like a worthless failure of a human being.

17 replies

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In response to: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Hello @Former-Member

You are in no way a failure, a job is a job something humans do to get money to survive and learn some skills along the way, there are many jobs that will come and go in your life and I get that it is the worst looking for work, it really is so hard.

Now really sounds like a time where you need to look after yourself, and perhaps need that encouragement to do that, I am glad your boss was supportive of that and cares about you instead of pushing you to work when you are not coping well.

Thinking of you and sorry to hear you are struggling with this change, I hope centrelink payments come through soon too help you financially.

Lunar

In response to: Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Thanks @Former-Member, I had a good chat to my supervisor this morning and she was quite supportive of me.
I just feel bad that my illness is so visible to others around me.
This morning my therapist gave me a talking to about remembering to take my medication and seeing my doctor. I just feel like this mi has taken so much from me and it's ruined my life and I'm solely responsible for it and it's my fault.
I can't believe that i've spent the last 7 years battling this and it hasn't gotten much better.
On the phone to centrelink atm. Been on hold for 53 min so far. I've had it with classical music!!!!

In response to: Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Woooow that sucks 😞 I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm on Newstart too, so I hear you on that one. It's the pits. And yes, their hold music has ruined many a lovely classical tune for me 😠

I had a big bad episode last year that cost me the career path I was going down at the time. It was the worst. I'd moved interstate to be able to get any work at all, and I was temping while I studied for the bar exam. The HR lady where I was working used to work for one of the big law firms, and she offered to take a look at my CV. I remember her saying "but there are just so many graduates who *haven't* been sick". I ended up in hospital a week later. I lost my job and my apartment, had to move back in with my dad, and was convinced I was a broken adult.

Ten months and lots of therapy later, I'm finally rebuilding. I'm back in my hometown and some of my networks know what's happened. Newstart still sucks, and I'm getting sick of eating minestrone survival rations, but being forced to take that step back has had benefits. I've had time to realise that practising lawyers are mostly miserable anyway, and that I'd rather teach. I started a casual tutoring job at my old uni yesterday. I hope that when I'm well enough, I can get in to a part-time PhD program and end up in the ivory towers of academia 😄

I guess my point is that I hope this has a silver lining for you. Give yourself some time, try some new things, and you might even be able to persuade Centrelink to help you re-skill or upskill to help you get back into the workforce fighting fit.

This isn't your fault, and you're gonna find a way through this, even if it is with a newfound hatred of soothing classical music.

In response to: Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Thanks @Fish - it's so good to have someone that understands. And Nice to meet you - I've not seen you around before.
I'm sorry that you've had the crappy adventure you have had. It's cost me my chosen career path too - I wanted to do medicine and I absent failed a semester on my undergrad degree so despite going well in gamsat, I can't get into med cause my gpa is too low thanks to those fails.
I'm trying to convince myself that it's for the best and that I don't have the right personality for medicine anyway, but it still burns.
I've heard that law is very much on the in crowd, but have you tried other law firms, even some of the smaller ones? I also lie about the gaps in my resume and say i took a holiday or study break.
But that all said, teaching could be a really fun career path, I say go for it! (and most lawyers seem to hate their lives)
I've decided to study full time (finish my masters) and go on Austudy.
I've been sick for going on 7 years now, it's been a long time. But you're right, it can only get better and it might end up being for the best.

In response to: Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Hiya @Former-Member. I'm sorry you didn't have the contract renewed but so glad your boss has been really good. She sounds like a good person and I know she supported you the best way she could while you were working. All that says loads about you too, that she chose to support you because she saw you as a good person too.

I hope something comes up soon. I know you must be in the thick of uni. My boys are. They've been studying up to 16 hours a day lately. Im just beginning to think about whether I should attempt a return to study. I've been sooo all over the place this year and don't trust myself much for anything.

I loved your squirrel on the art thread. I also saw your milo story on Friday feast which made me smile.

I hope study goes well for the next few weeks. I'm interested to see how you are going with therapy too and if it's helping. Best wishes 💜🤗💐

In response to: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Hi @Former-Member and @Fish

I'm sorry you both lost your careers, I lost mine last week too. I knew it was coming and there were no nice words exchanged. I'm glad your boss handled it better @Former-Member. What are you studying? Will you be able to get a study allowance and focus on study?

@Fish, I'm thinking of teaching too, my industry is pretty harsh too. How do you go about getting a job in teaching?

In response to: Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Thanks @Former-Member,
Can I ask... what does 'Teej' mean?
Uni is pretty full on at the moment, but it's going okay, despite being sick and all I'm still on track.
Yeah, despite work ending, it wasn't all bad. My boss is an ex-nurse, so I think that has a bit to do with it. But it did feel a bit not good to be told that I'm not well and that I should take some time off. I thought I hid it better than that.
I'm not sure how therapy is going?? I din't really know. I've just been so unwell for the last month or so and I've got such a bad memory. But we've not talked about too much stuff - but I think that's mainly me avoiding it all. I don't know how to talk about the bad stuff. My mind just goes blank and I can't think. He did lay into me about missing my medication so much recently. I've just been forgetting to take it. I have no idea why. I'm just soo scared about all the bad stuff.
I hope your boys go well with their studies. Engineering and ?
I know i've asked this before, but can you do 1 subject at a time? And take it slowly? Does study help distract you from MI or does it make it worse? Cause it sounds like you might have a bit on your plate right now. But I also think study might help you focus your mind/distract you and give you a sense of achievement?
Will keep you posted with therapy - but the biggest problem will be affording it when work ends. No idea what I'm going to do! 😥 Dammit, I need to win the lottery.

In response to: Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Hi @Former-Member,
I'm studying public health and infectious diseases. I should be able to get Austudy (I hope!!). But that doesn't cover heath insurance, car insurance, psych appts, therapists appts, and medication. I need to work 2 days a week to afford all the 'necessities'.

In response to: Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Random thread that I don't think anyone will read......
@Faith-and-Hope,
I'm really concerned that what I wrote on the DBT thread has upset phoenix rising as they've not been on in a few days and I get the impression from carebear that PR is on more often then that.
What should I do?
I just have such a massive reaction to those phrases and I didn't want to offend anybody, but now I'm worried I have.
Arrgh. Really hope I haven't upset PR.

In response to: Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

Re: Mourning all the (little) bad things that happen

@Former-Member ..... I don’t think it is what you wrote at all .....

PR doesn’t do change well, as many here don’t, and the mod team are a “caretaker” crew on the weekends ..... not the Sane team that most up of us, particularly long-termers, are far more familiar with. This has caused issues to escalate sometimes, without any judgement over anyone’s efforts ..... and one more recent event caught PR in a tailspin. She, and some others, tend to keep a far lower profile across weekends.

PR has also had major upheaval of other concerns in the last couple of days of last week, which have been a far more direct focus ....

Please rest easy. If PR disagrees with any comment you have made, you would very likely have heard about it ..... one of her clear characteristics is to not mince her words .....

💜

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