when is it time for hospital

I have thought about it quite abit and with the people on here helping as well its helping as well getting different perspectives. Your not JUST a mentall ill lady your my friend too and what you say means a lot to me so just write what you think/feel what ever and I can take it as I please as most people do anyway.
I do know I need extra help besides my gp and psychiatrist. Its conflciting when both say two different things as well if they both said the same thing then it might have been easier to accept but its conflicting me. And yes SI is very scary esp when you have dremas about the thoughts you have – that was really weird I went to bed with thoughts like that and how to do it and I actually dreamt I did it and it didnt end well. I know if I was to go as in dead it would be horrific for the people around me and I think thats the only ting keeping me here at this point but the more they disown me the more that fades..

I know that a month isnt very long and I think the only thing that my sister would have to do is help with the horses which she does anyway and besides that they are hers as well so that is a given for her to help though she isnt expected to clean paddocks just help rug feed and general care.
And at home she does nothing except take the rubbish out every now and then, feed her rabbit and sometimes she will just watch a movie with the youngest sister but if she want to watch a movie then my youngest sister is away from her. Plus she gets to go out with friends and be a normal teenager and I dont want that to change for her.
She woudnt have to care for my pop I wouldnt have to worry about that and Id have that sorted but it send my anxiety into a complete mess that she would have to help more around the house. I kow you guys are prob sitting ther saying she should be helping anyway she lives her and shes old enough- she is nearly 15- but thats how I got all the responsibilities and thats what scares the crap out of me.

I think id be able to go to the retreat on the terms they could manage with out me and that only my mother would know where I am and to everyone else im on holidays
but I just cant seem to do it @Former-Member

@NikNik@Former-Member what are your thoughts?

What is it that seems to be stopping you @outlander?

Obviously fear, but if you can get behind the fear as to what's driving it, or the thought that is triggering the emotion it will be easier to work with that as a start.

What's going through your mind, what are the things you are telling yourself?

Some of these thought will be automatic and may have little evidence to support it.

Maybe this could be a start.

i was discussing that with 5-HT earlier @-karma- what do you think

how cna i over come this

ive been thinking alot about my mental health and my options and things can i get you opions please

dont know my levels really of SI, i do know that before it would only be when a trigger came around or i got in a depressive state but its all the time now. its contasnt thoughts and every object i see i can relate to using to SH and that its an opportunity to use it.
i haven really made plans but i have had quite a few thoughts plus ruled out things in my own mind but havent set in on a plan and id rather not act on it
the psychiatrist that i seen said that i need to watch out for more signs and as soon as they more appear to ring a helpline, go to hospital or get a refferral from her to go to the retreat.
she said this will be the most edgy side of things - until if and when the new meds work.
my gp on the other hand says im not ready for hospital and i should wait..

the fall out of going to hospital/ retreat would be: id be even more disgraced, id be more judged, more people would find out what i have, the responsibilities might be pased to my middle sisters- not everything but more babaysitting and that is my biggest fear as thats how it started for me and i dont want that to happen. if i was to go then more thna likeley the home status would still be the same when i got home and then id fall back into the same patterns again

i wouldnt have a clue if the SI will go away with treatment- i already went through a suicidal and self harm prevention program and it hadnt really helped that much and ive still deteriorated
i dont see a psychologist but ive just been approved for sexual abuse counselling but im not sure if i want to get into that yet and i also dont know if thats the only thing i can talk about as at the moment theres alot of other things and not jsut SA



I have thought about it quite abit and with the people on here helping as well its helping as well getting different perspectives.
I do know I need extra help besides my gp and psychiatrist. Its conflciting when both say two different things as well if they both said the same thing then it might have been easier to accept but its conflicting me. And yes SI is very scary esp when you have dremas about the thoughts you have – that was really weird I went to bed with thoughts like that and how to do it and I actually dreamt I did it and it didnt end well. I know if I was to go as in dead it would be horrific for the people around me and I think thats the only ting keeping me here at this point but the more they disown me the more that fades..
I know that a month isnt very long and I think the only thing that my sister would have to do is help with the horses which she does anyway and besides that they are hers as well so that is a given for her to help though she isnt expected to clean paddocks just help rug feed and general care.
And at home she does nothing except take the rubbish out every now and then, feed her rabbit and sometimes she will just watch a movie with the youngest sister but if she want to watch a movie then my youngest sister is away from her. Plus she gets to go out with friends and be a normal teenager and I dont want that to change for her.
She woudnt have to care for my pop I wouldnt have to worry about that and Id have that sorted but it send my anxiety into a complete mess that she would have to help more around the house. I kow you guys are prob sitting ther saying she should be helping anyway she lives her and shes old enough- she is nearly 15- but thats how I got all the responsibilities and thats what scares the crap out of me.
I think id be able to go to the retreat on the terms they could manage with out me and that only my mother would know where I am and to everyone else im on holidays
but I just cant seem to do it

@Former-Member

i still dont know what to do

i dont know, im worried about going but i know i need help

and no i dont have private health insurance

does anyone know of any other options besides hospital? @-karma-@Former-Member@NikNik@Former-Member@Former-Member@Shaz51@oceangirl@Former-Member@Owlunar @Former-Member

outlander,you are going around in circles,which is what we all do ,if you repeat the self harming behaviour tonight as you have last night and any other night YOU have to decide what you are going to do.We can only give advice,and share experiences.Yes the retreat is a bloody ridiculous idea put on you if you need private health and a good bank balance at your age.It was stupid to put this on you so please get this out of your head.Its not help,and it's not going to change anything,you have had past experiences to know this.I understand the hospital thing I would have to drive hour and a quarter away and even then I doubt I would have my privacy, someone always knows.The only thing you can do is keep trying a drug with your health professional and psychiatrists.BUT if you can't stop self harm,you need the hospital.Is there any support groups around your area?

@Former-Member

i didnt self harm last night though those urges were surley there and the SI as well \its always there i never get a break

im trying to jsut let my thoughts and feeling be as @CheerBear and @Phoenix_Rising have suggested as yes i know they cant do anyhting to me except casue me great distress and its really hard to jsut let them sit

i dont think id be able to go to a retreat anyway though i know i need a break i really do

i need some time where there isnt constant responsibilities and down puts from family and friends where i can think and even jsut talk over phone and work it out that way as well.

im exhausted and tired but i dont sleep and im too scared to sleep most of the time

the retreat is an hour and a half away from me but your right im sure someone would always find out and thats what i worry about as well

i need to make changes but i really i dont know where to start i feel stuck everywhere i look and ive already been stretched super thin. im trying i really am and thats what distresses me even more that im goign in circles yet seeing a psychiatrist and my gp as well

i think theres a headspace in my area, i think theres GROW but thats an hour a way from me and just my local hospital