when is it time for hospital

Join the club @outlander, when we meet at Maccas we will use the paper food bags to cover our heads.lol

@Owlunar
nah there will always be docos. Attenborough has tonnes of them and theres plenty more that I havent seen yet. The meerkats are cute and I like the ocean ones the best. Strange little water creatures we have.

I need something to ease up. If it keeps getting worse I dont know where ill end up. Im already at the end of my tether. Its worrying me that ive gone back this fast.

Yes super cute it suits you

@QueenieI hope you start to feel better soon. Im hearing ya about mentally and physically exhausted. Little sleep, overwhelming suicidal and sh thoughts and working 14 hrs 16 if you include the hours I do after 8pm for caring as well.
I hope you wake up feeling abit more refreshed

@Former-Member
your not a failure. You have a psycho of a mother that makes you feel like that. im hearing you. right here for you anytime you need or want. just give a shout

My mother has always been very self centred @outlander ,and the biggest problems were (a) never got my own life,my father died when I was 19 which I was the last one home (b) never believed in myself through my battles with weight,family and life in general .My mother and family have little respect for me,that's been the hardest and toughest thing to accept.

Thanks outlander for being there,here is the only place. I know I can spill my guts without being judged or criticised.Just try and believe in yourself , don't end up like me,who doesn't feel like I was meant to be happy.Its no life.At your age,you shouldn't have to be playing Mum too much on the weekends if that's not your choice either.I carried problems that weren't mine, don't allow that to happen to you.

@Former-Member

im glad you feel safe enough here to jsut spill. you need an escape too whether it be here around us- remeber we arent robots we are real people- or in life form but i already know you dont speak to anyone about anything in life form. not this sort of stuff. i like having you here.

I went to my psychologist today. I was there for 3 hrs!!!!
I am feeling really drained.

I was so nervous. I forgot to talk about the comparison thing.
Shes helping me get myself ready for the full week of responsibility inlcuding having the kids 24/7 through the school holidays while my mother and her bf go on holiday.
Shes trying to help me get my mother to actually get back into the mother roll rather than me being a mum,dad, sister brother and everything else in between.

I want to be a sister not a mother and right now thats not happening. I have to speak to my mother about that and how I wont cope being left like that and im worried ill end up in hospital. She said that if it goes pear shaped and im not coping and it turns into an argument then I can ring her for extra support to either help get my brain back together or give her permission to speak to my mother about it and get her back on board and open her eyes instead of shutting me out.

both myself and her are worried that this will put me back into hosiptal because its too much too soon. Its only been 2 months since ive been out. So we are both trying to get me back into a more stable state and work out what I can do etc.

we nudged abit of the trauma (not the SA) but it was ok...
she explained quite a few things about my upbringing and why I am the way that I am and also how the brain develops through the ages.
When your younger if you arent nurtured, its actaully proven that you dont really know how to self soothe. Because you adapt to your environment for example your crying crying crying so what do some parent do try to shut you up and your parents shove a dummy in your mouth and keep doing that instead of soothing you, you eventually learn to just stay quiet. You wont cry unless your hungry or your basic needs arent being met. So instead of talking to people and getting help, you shut yourself out and do the quiet things such as reading a book to squash down your feelings.
She is happy not to be jumping straight into trauma work and thinks ive made the wise decision to work on the things bothering me right now and help myself through life and when I begin to be ok then start to work on tauma. She also thinks before I get into trauma work I need to have those supports in place. Then start working on triggers and then get right into the trauma.

Because I either feel nothing or feel too much she wants me to do a mood journal in accordance with the triggers. That way we can work out what it is that keeps pushing me over the edge, besides the constant triggers but what is it that really sends me over the edge esp into the suicidal state.

We talked about the self harm and also the suicidal thoughts. And how they are always there but they get strong that I cant ignore them and then put me into that state of mind like I have been. Shes very worried about that. She wants to help me through that as well. She said that as I get older and find what I think is a purpose and begin to enjoy life again, those thoughts may fade and become a distant memory. A time to look back on and say 'ive made it through that'

@Former-Member@Owlunar@soul@Tui and everyone

It sounds like that was a super productive session @outlander. I am intrigued how it is that a psychologist can spend 3 hours with a client either practically (i.e. didn't she have other clients scheduled) or in a way that makes sense to her within any sort of model of therapy. Nevertheless, it sounds like you were able to cover a lot of ground and get a lot out of it.