when is it time for hospital

Huge hug @outlander - your mum and bf are so inconsIderate. She should have asked if you can babysit. It's unfair of her to put such responsibility on you. It us definitely hard stand up to your mother, I get that as I have been there myself but we have to at those important moments. Be braves my dear friend xx

A holiday is so you can get away from your kids for a weekend @outlander

Sigh.................

Yes - that sounds like a good start - come straight to the point - and bribe them

If they leave you alone about the medication you will look after the brats without any comment

Dec

@outlander

They told you that you don't need to take tablets

they said why do you need them and i said becasue i want to actaully sleep and to reduce some of the side effects.

mums bf- where are you getting them from, what are they, whats the name of them,

me- im getting them from my gp from a chemist- i dont know the name of them (small white lie)

mums bf- so you jsut need sleeping tablets

me- no- i need anti depressants so im going back on them

him- why dont you sleep

me- becasue im a freaking insomniac!

him- so out of all those tablets i threw out one of those were sleeping tablets

me- yep

him- walk out of room and low and behold brings all of my medications back out!

which one is it

i looked and told him what all of them were and i said theses- ones- are the sleeping tablets

him- so not antidepressants

me- sleeping mixed in wiht mood stabilisers (anti-psychotics) so both in the one tablet

him- so no ADs

me- nope i jsut told you what they were

him- ok you can have them back

gee thanks for that. cant friggin take them with the new medications im on as they are for sleep anyway. so pretty useless. glad i hid those medications.

convo continues:

him- you dont need them and i dont want you on the ADs

me- well i do and i need to be on them

him- no you dont

me- yes i do

him- why

me- i just told you why

looks at me blankly- me repeats-becasue i dont sleep and i want to reduce some of the physical side effects of anxiety

him- you dont need ADs and i dont want you on them

me- yes i do

him- you know your life isnt that hard, you make it all up in your head. you need to stop looking into the past and figure out what to do with your life now. youve got a horse now do that and stop listening to those other so called health professionals

him- you still think you need ADs

me- yep

him- again- your life isnt that hard you actually have it pretty good

my mother stayed quiet the whole time and didnt stick up for me or anything. not one word

oh except for- im no workign on friday you cna go to bf mums house on thursday if you want. im not safe there now either.

i was so angry but now im so upset its hard to hold the tears back, im in bed now hiding under the covers as i do. im defeated. it wont be the first or the last time i cry myself to sleep, might help me sleep from exhaustion.

then while im in bed. im on my comp now and aas im on the top bunk with no rungs- i climb up the cupboard to get up here, i asked my middle sister if she could get my comp charger.

her- no

me- please

her- yeah eventually

me- can you get it now for me before my comp dies

her- why dont you just get off the computer

me- becasue im doing stuff

her- what stuff

me- does it concern you

her- i was just asking

me- im working

her- no response

me- can you please go get it for me its about to die

her- yeah eventaully- she also continues to play her game plus start a new one

me- fne ill get it- had to scamper back down get it and then climb back up

im completely shattered and have no fight in me at all.

i cant tell them that im going to see my pschologist tomorrow- cause shes in the catagory- so called health professionals. at this point in time i dont want to go either. i want to run away, from here from everything but its ok my life is easy

@Owlunar@Anony18@eth@Former-Member@STORMGRL101@Former-Member

@Former-Member im sorry your going through this shite too. its so hard and i know exactly how you feel. i hope things get better for you soon