when is it time for hospital

Aw @outlander

You have so many responsibilities for someone so young - I have thought this often - and yes - you can go and take the time at the Health Retreat - you need it - the last few weeks have been horrific for you

Your mother can pick up the slack - it's her job actually - and she needs to get her head around that - and you are old enough to make up your own mind about that - and your health is important

Let me tell you a cautionary tale - the truth actually - from my own life when I was about your age

I was feeling terribly ill and had bad pain under my ribcage - and finally I told my mother that I was feeling ill and she said "I know" and I was astounded - she told me I looked ill - I was laying down all the time and normally I was active - and she did take me to the doctor and he could not find a reason for the pain - but bingo - I did have my appendix out (it was in the wrong place) and it burst during the operation - and I was seriously ill and took a long time to recover

So - that's the short story - but my mother took her time to take it seriously and at that age I was still short of legal age - I had to be 21 - and no way could I go to the doctor alone - my family was horrible about it - so yes - I know - I haven't been through the same stuff but I know that when we are as ill as I was then and as you are now we need to leave our stuff to other people - and let them do whatever

And I do know how important all of this is to you - and I am so sorry about that

Please put yourself first - I understand that is hard for you to do - but you need to - and I am thinking about you

You have had a really rough time

Lots of hugs

Dec

Yes outlander,the fact is my crack in my shell ruined me,as I always said the stigma of mental weakness I wish I got a physical illness at times because its more acceptable.The "help" means my life has been a open book, humiliated,used a a guinea pig for crap drugs which can lead you worse,believing in a bunch of wankers that at the end of the day are too busy looking in the mirror thinking how great they are to tell people what to do with their life.I run from everyone else in flight mode because I don't have the energy for absolute crap.

If you decide to go to the retreat have you the option of not staying four weeks?Even to get away for a few days may help to get a new perspective and you do need a bit of time for yourself.If you go and find no one is your age etc just use the time for you.

In regard to SC thoughts,when I get bad I think my mother would be better off without me and my family would be happy.There are many cracks in everyone.Sounds like your Mum is like everyone else,projects it on you to cover up her own inadequacies.You need to be able sometimes to look at the situation as a third person to gain perspective of the situation so some weight can go off your shoulders.

@OwlunarI know I have a lot of responsibilities and id like to even just reduce it abit. My mothers always telling me that I never do anything and to go get a life but as soon as I say im not going to be home then im the bad person. I know I should be going somewhere to get help but I cant seem to do it. I couldnt imagine me having a job that required an early morning start and late night end beside caring now but like working out in another industry or woking in an aged care home or something. She wouldnt have much choice but to pick up the slack abit or find soemthing else thats going to work. I tried talking to my mother last night and she got angry at me. I offerred for her to speak to my gp or my psychiatrist so she can have as many questions answered as she had and they can explain things better than I can but she refused

@Former-Member yeah i get that stimga. When its something you can see, its easier to accept and understand and I do get that. Im onto my third type of medications. Though im staying onto the second one but changing the first one so now I have to wait 3 weeks before theres any possible effects anyway.
Im trying to take a look into some other option that I can afford as well cause as a private patient theres no chance I can afford that. Aparently though if I got the one thats 4 weeks I have to stay the 4 weeks. I still think its quite a lot of time away but I think I need it but again stuck everywhere else.

@CheerBearyeah my gp has been seeing me weekly for medications as well and has been having a say In it as well. My head and heart and gut are all saying go and get help. Go go go but theres still something within me saying no its not the right thing to do. Its not right stay here. For 3 weeks ill have to see another go as mine is going away for a few weeks so I guess ill find out what this new gp thinks as well.

@Former-MemberI quite like those cadbury cream eggs too though im not as nice as those im glad to hear your not running away lol. I know I could feel better if I was to go away but I cant go for 4 weeks. A week maybe but not 4. it too long to leave all my responsibilities. Plus the judgement I would get.

Morning @outlander - i can see you are still in a dilemma. It is hard when you are not getting the support that you need from the people who are physically in your life. You did your pros and cons list and it appears hospital or retreat may seem to be the better option from the looks of your list but I know it is the responsibilities and potentially the guilt from the words of your mother that is pulling you away from that. It is not an easy decision for anyone but do consider what is best for you as your mental health is so important.

That is really confusing @outlander. Is there a reason why she thinks you don't need to go now especially when she thinks you are getting worst? It is kind of odd and contradictory.