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FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Change123Senior Contributor24 May 2017, 10:26 am AEST

FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Hi @Shaz51@Former-Member@utopia@Former-Member@oceangirl@outlander@BlueBay @Former-Member@Former-Member@Decadian and anyoneelse

Things went to utter shit on the weekend, my brain has just been spinning out of control (too fast), loads of anxiety and rage since my periods came back. I have been just able to control my rage and anixety but on the weekend I broke 3 boundaries/ promises to my partner without realising until it was too late. Consequently I'm paying the price, my partner is just so livid with me he is now not speaking to me at all and if he does its to tell me he doesnt want to hear my voice. I'm in a bad place but know how to take care of myself just wish I could fix the damage I had done at home.

Seeing doctor this Friday to discuss hormone options - its pretty obvious that hormones are playing a major part with me as I had come so far when I didnt have my periods. I will tell her its effecting my mental health and quality of life.

Everything has gone to shit and I have fought so hard to not let this happen and yet it has - just trying to keep my head above water so to speak and not listen to my brain.

38 replies

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In response to: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Unknown userMember25 May 2017, 10:53 am AEST

Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Hi @Change123 it sounds like you are really not being supported. The support you are getting is from this forum so please don't leave just yet. You need an outlet. I really feel for you. The information your partner has taken from the support group doesn't sound right - do you think maybe something was misunderstood? Do you have a good relationship with your GP? Maybe he/she can offer some advice. It sounds like you both need to go and speak to someone together. Your partner needs to understand what you are going through. It also sounds like he is not coping/accepting of his own MI which is probably largely why he is unable to support you. He needs to look after himself first before he can think of looking after another and it doesn't sound like he is doing that very well.

I hope you find some light in your day today. Let us know how you go with the GP tomorrow x

In response to: Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

BlueBaySenior Contributor25 May 2017, 11:04 am AEST

Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

@Change123

BB xxxoo

In response to: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

utopiaSenior Contributor25 May 2017, 11:40 am AEST

Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

@Change123. I agree with @Former-Member. Your support is here. So stay here and let us hold you up when you need it.
Your partner can choose what he wants to do about his treatment for his MI.
You need to do what is right for you and will help you. This is your decision.

In response to: Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Change123Senior Contributor29 May 2017, 1:35 pm AEST

Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Hi @utopia@BlueBay@Former-Member@Former-Member@Bast @Former-Member POSSIBLE TRIGGERS

Well things only got worse when I got home on Thursday. I could tell that my partner was steaming about something and as soon as he got out of the shower - he got stuck into me for nearly 4 hours! I found out during this time he spoke to someone liek a moderator via email or posts and was pissed off about the advice (basically be nice and supporting to me) and stated what about us the victims?? Then he was emailing or posting to some carers who are just as angry as him and this helped him lots SARCASM NO! All they talkedf about was " us BPD bitches" as they call us and the hell they go through inparticular with faces we pull when in a BPD moment and they had a terrific solution to this all NOT SARCASM!!! Apparently they go around taking photos of us when we are in a BPD moment and take photos of our faces and then when we think everything is fine and ok they make us sit there and watch the photos so we see what its like for them ( unexpected stresses from nowhere) Moderators - would you let this happen if it happened on our forum??

After the big blow up, like use to happen last yearhe gets very quiet and calm. The next morning I had my doctors and spoke to her about this forum and she was totally disgusted. Anyway she has put me on the pill again to see if that sorts out my hormones.

By Saturday my partner started talking to me a bit more nicely and again on Sunday.

I feel I know whats going on in a way, he is getting very frustrated with me (understand that) and I also think his bipolar plays up when winter starts coming. Anyway didnt like the advice he got and probably got triggered and they are all angry and saying this sort of shit to make themselves feel better.

I had a total breakdown at work on Thursday, they finally broke me and I started crying and carrying on to my direct boss i.e why are they doing this to me etc etc - he doesnt know (so he says). So today when I spoke to him they want me to record now everything I do in a day - which is fine because part of the problem I discovered is no one really knows my job or what I do so everyon eis assuming things! Hopefully once I start doing this they will see.

Anyway I'm out till next week - focussing on getting through every day at the moment.

In response to: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

outlanderSenior Contributor29 May 2017, 1:48 pm AEST

Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Oh my goodness @Change123 you poor thing
What kind of forums is he on!! It doesnt sound like something id want to be on. Who the heck suggests taking photos when they are in that much distress esp someone who is suppose to be supporting you!

Im glad shes putting you on the pill hopefully it will help you.

Im glad your still happy to write out what ypu do each day. Im sure its alot more then they realise.

By the sounds of it he made need to go into counselling himself to help sort out his feelings and thoughts and how to better manage rather tham exploding to you

Sending you big hugs!

In response to: Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

NikNikSenior Contributor29 May 2017, 5:15 pm AEST

Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Oh my goodness @Change123
We would never let that happen on here.

Nik

In response to: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Unknown userMember29 May 2017, 6:11 pm AEST

Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Hi @Change123 wow what advice is he getting?? What a horrible thing to do to someone (the photo thing). I hope you feel like there's some kind of release with your work - as awful as it must have been, maybe you feel like you've been able to get out the things that you've been worrying about? I confronted my boss today too, for telling people about my MI (without my permission) and twisting it to make me look like I can't handle the job. It didn't really get me anywhere and a cried but I'm so glad I spoke up. Would your partner agree to see a councillor with you? xx

In response to: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

utopiaSenior Contributor29 May 2017, 9:57 pm AEST

Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

@Change123. I'm sorry about this hell your going through. it seems to me like your partner finds the Information and support - the answers he wants ti hear
If he can't be supportive of you - why does he say he loves you. Because that is the opposite.
Please get a union rep and speak to them before you hand in this list of all the jobs you do.
They may want to use it as an excuse to do away with your Position. By stating other staff can do this task and others can do those tasks. So please have some support as to your rights.

In response to: Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

Change123Senior Contributor30 May 2017, 2:32 pm AEST

Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

@NikNik@Former-Member@utopia@outlander@BlueBay

Things have calmed down a great deal at home, infact he is trying his best to be very nice to me. I think he realised what he had done.

REALITY CHECKING

Please let me know with this scenario if I am wrong at work.

This morning before I had a chance to check my emails the male owner came up to me and slapped a copy of an email an exworker had sent me. Obviously to stir shit up as everyone knows here the owners check everyone's emails. Anyway it had a lot of bad comments about the business and the way he was treated. I told the owner the truth I had no idea what this was about. The owner stated that I can respond how I want and I told him to be on the safe side I wont respond at all. I noticed the male owner was being really shitty with me so I thought I would do the " right thing" and go in to his office and say " excuse me ..... I hope yu dont think I had anything to do with that email? His response " I dont want to talk about it" I said ok but it was a surprise to me as much as you and then he replied directed at me " I'm sick fo this childish shit" I said what- he then replied " I dont want to talk about". I got angry thinking why am I being blamed for this now so I typed a memo to my direct supervisor stating that I dont think this was fair, so every action an exemployee does is my fault now???

He then must have told or showed the male owner and he came yelling at me saying " how childish I am and that I'm just playing games" and I said on the contrary I'm trying to be honest, up front and forthright and feel I need to cover my back now, I dont play games !. He then stormed off rang his wife and she is avoiding me at all costs this morning.

Why am I wrong for sticking up for myself when I have done nothing to cop this, why should I just say " yes sir no sir three bags full sir - if I have done nothing wrong!". I feel I have done to him what I get told I should do " being accountable for your actions"!

so so angry but keeping my shit together - listening to pink floyd and just trying to keep saying to myself how ashamed these people should be of themselves!

In response to: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

utopiaSenior Contributor30 May 2017, 4:09 pm AEST

Re: FEELING VERY LOST & DISAPPEARING FOR AWHILE

@Change123. Your boss sounds like a very weak man. To ask you about an email an ex employee sent - where an ex employee expressed their opinion of thd company - not you. That's a direct attack on you.

Sounds like he is trying to find ways to prove he has a right to fire you.
Please look for another job. This man and his wife etc are toxic to you.
Please call the Union and explain what has been happening to you at work. They will support you.y strong feeling is he is trying to get rid of you - either by finding fault in your work or emails, trying to share youf job among other staff - so he can legally terminate your contact - or by bullying you to such a point that you break.
Please don't let him break you. I'm in such a bad place, mentally, socially, financially - because my work did thst to me. They broke me. 3 years later I'm still broken pieces.

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