Hi @Former-Member
I often wonder why people think that someone's being "needy" is a bad thing - my dd said that about her cat when they first got her - it's a puzzle to me - but that's people and perhaps they need a different word.
Your estranged sister might be having a say with your sons - but there is only one thing to do about that and that is to forget about her - there is nothing you can do about it - I know
My toxic sister and my daughter were in cahoots for years - not good - but I prayed a lot and thought about people who sit on the fence for too long getting splinters in their backside and eventually - my daugher came around and I have been seeing more of her and getting texts asking after my health and things are improved and easier between us - I have an idea what happened but I am not saying a word - I have kept my councel for years now and I have nothing to do with my siblings - it's far better
There are family things that have to be attended to from time to time - but I think these have nearly finished except we have a lot of elderly relatives which means more funerals in time - being morbidly realistic - and I will probably see my sister then and I would rather not - but I honour my relatives and that's why I go -
Anyway
We can't change them or our sisters so they are better estranged - believe me - much better
I am plugging away at getting through winter too - the shortest day is this week - and I walk around the streets from time to time and already the buds are building up their size for spring - I do this every year - it gets me out of the house and I get exercise and I notice the weather and everything else - I was awake through the night and the moon rose and it looked like a slice of pumpkin - and Venus rose a little after that and though most of the stars were lost in the mist because it was so cold - I could see the brightest ones and I know I am looking for spring all the time
I know people don't understand how it was when your daughter died - just as they don't know how it was when my son died - and it amazes me that grief is so often called a mental disorder - I was hoping things would change about that but apparently not. We need our family and friends around but apparently people are scared of what to say when in reality - there is nothing to say - no right words at all - and all people need to say is that
But you can't change other people so you need to find different ones - we understand - I really understand - and what can I say really? Nothing much - except be here and be honest -
Try and keep in touch with The Compassionate Friends - they do understand and I wonder if you are able to go to meetings - when my grief was fresh I did - and I found other friends - and now it is still hard - but it is easier than it was when it was so fresh - as fresh as your grief is now
I wonder why it is that people can be so harsh when a child dies - that they think we can suffer this loss and continue - they would not think this if we lost a leg or had a heart attack or something horrible but visible - something that happens -
But it's like - what's wrong with you - they are in a better place etc - and have a list of idiotic comments that really burn - they probably don't know what to say and neither do I - but I do understand and make and effort
I care heaps Lapses - so keep on with the part time voluntary work and push through - you might feel alone but you are not - there are so many bereaved parents about it can be scary
Dec
