SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Hi @Owlunar, I hear you re missing your dad, especially with Fathers Day, here again, remembering him, feeling hes in the room with you sometimes, being closer to him than mum, even resembling his genetic appearances more... Its hard to imagine a world without my dad in it. But from what everyone says, they are always with us in spirit. The loving part. YOU SAID "So I hope you can get to Sydney and see your oldiers - esp your Dad for Fathers Day... I know the whole thing can be really hard for you"
Thanks @Owlunar, Guess once their gone their gone and the option to visit is off the table. They say we should visit as much as we can manage. But even when they're nasty? I'm extremely ambivalent (conflicted within) about this. Avoidance...
🌷🌿🐦

Hi @Former-Member - looking forward to spring? You'll be happy to know that my lavender plant is still alive. I didn't get to Bunnings because my daughter had the car all day Sunday - she also ran out of petrol and had to get road side assistance to help her. I'll try to get that bigger pot this weekend.

I just give it some water when the flowers look droopy. I think I used to overwater my plants in the past.

Imagine what this smells like - might be a bit overpowering.

Hi @Former-Member

I get by with Dad gone - yes - once they are gone they are gone but with my Dad I have great memories - I saw him whenever I could. For years I didn't see my parents because my mother was being nasty and I was most unwelcome and I kept away - feeling sorrow but maintained my own life and this was a good thing

After a huge row I told my father that I had not done whatever it was he believed and we got back together again - and eventually my mother had to accept my presence at certain events - and I saw Dad whenever I could -

When people have gone they have gone as you said - and it comes down to the individual about how much crap they will put up from the nasty person in the mix - in my case eventually the nasty person had to put up with my presence - until Dad died and things went back to the way they were before the huge row -

If your Mum makes it too hard - then that's a fact - I have been their and know how unfair it can be and how painful it can be - we have to be very tough inside to deal with some things - but also - how do we stop that tough stuff from changing us into a person we don't want to be?

Really hard stuff Lapses - I understand - I guess there are times when we avoid the situation and others when we tolerate it.

Dec

Hi @soulsoul wow, I think a lavender farm would be like heaven on earth 😄 lovely picture. Glad your lavender is still alive 👍 Mine is in an old broken bucket, but its flowering, and happy, must say thanks with a new pot for it too, maybe even terracotta, you've inspired me. Thanks. 💜🐦💜🐦💜

...

Don't wanna spoil the tone but I'm struggling somewhat this morning, body and thoughts. Don't know if I can take anymore. Maybe OK once i start moving, I hope. Glad winter is lifting but not convinced its gonna help this week.

I betta try drag the bones out of bed, maybe make a cuppa. Maybe at least aim to tidy the kitchen and shower today.

Called in on someone yesterday, after mailing dads card, but that didn't go well. Bad timing. And friends acting strange. Hate how it affects me (abandonment thing maybe, still hurts). Best stay in, away from people. Don't like feeling this detached.

Sorry, i am trying not to be too negative 😢

Must stay grounded, must stay grounded...

Cuppa tea time ☕

Hi @Owlunar, sorry, typing at same time. Will come back, answer later. Good to see you 🙂

That's okay @Former-Member - no need to apologise. It is what it is. some ups, some downs. Hopefully the ups are more than the downs.

I visited a lavender farm once in Tasmania back when I was a teenager with my sister. It was a church holiday thing - not that we were religious at all. My mother just wanted us to have a holiday since that was something we never did. Brought back some memories. Haven't seen or spoken to my sister since the night Mum passed away nearly three months ago. May never again. She made it perfectly clear that she didn't want to have anything to do with me. Such is life. I could get upset. I could try to reach out like I have in the past and then be disappointed or I could just accept that we are not "happy families"

That's okay @Former-Member - I understand - things are piling up - but I might say that if people are acting in strange ways - that's them - not us - they have their walls up for whatever reasons - really - we don't do it.

But strange yes - I get that

Hi @soul

After my father died she decided she was the boss of the family and I was on the out again - but with my mother in care snarling at me and my sister being toxic I decided that I could continue my life without them - and my mother has since passed and I saw her before she died and this was one person with regrets piled high upon her. I do not know what caused all of this but I know it wasn't me - it goes back up the generations and I could not have caused that

But still - just have you accepted you and yours are not "happy families" I have done the same - I have my daughter and her families and this is better - there is of course a story or two within the main story but who wants to keep company with a person into alienation? I don't

But yes - it can have it's sorry side and if we are on that sorry side - in that we are sorry for the way things are but accept them - then we are the better people - I am sure

Dec

Visit if you can @Former-Member

Leave everything open until the day comes - or go before Fathers Day of after - go if the mood suits you

I do understand how hard it is for you - and true - once they are gone they are gone

But it depends all sorts of things when we are making up our lives - I know your mother can be really horrible and it depends a lot on how you feel - are you up to having her rant? Are you up to going there and leaving straight away? Are you up to standing your ground?

I know she's very ill - and this makes it harder - and I know your Dad is far from well also - and I think I was in that play for a long time - though my parents health or lack of it was unknown to me.

There was always my toxic sister present when I went to my parents home - it was easier when they were in care but it was Fathers Day when my mother brought up an issue from the past - it turned out to be Dad's last Fathers Day and so I told my mother - "That happened 50 years ago and I have said nothing since. Let it drop Mum" and she wouldn't so I got up and left

I felt terrible but thinking back now - all these years in the future from that day - I am glad I went, glad I saw my Dad and glad I said my piece before leaving

When Dad went into hospital not long after that I could see him without anyone else there and we had a long talk - the kind of conversation everyone should have at the end - I was vindicated and Dad went peacefully -

I will always be sad about what happened but also glad I toughed it out

So I would suggest you wait and see how you feel and if you are not up to it - don't go. There is no need to put yourself through all the toxic stuff and I know that it is toxic

You really do need to put yourself first when it comes to your inner life - it's not being selfish - it's self care.

Dec

Families can get so complicated can't they? Just because you share genetics doesn't mean that they'll have your back. My brother was led to believe the most horrendous lies about me. Of course he believed them. I'll never know if my mother was told. She kept a lot of stuff close to her chest and never wanted any sort of confrontation.

Towards the end of her life, I was never allowed to see her by myself so I didn't get the opportunity to have "those" conversations with her. I can't change anything now and have to move on. Of course it still hurts.

I am so sorry @soul and I understand

My sister started lying young and has been a thorn in my life for a long long time - and I know some of her lies but not all - she has been so cruel - in her efforts to hurt me she has of course - but I have let them pass by knowing why she is that way. But her lies have causes collateral damage and this is most unfair - as well as my parents suffering her son and my daughter have been caught up in it - and still - I know she is really flawed within - it's not me at all

And likewise I would think your sister is the same - and I am so sorry you did not have that conversation with your mother. Of course it hurts - it always will.

My mother's behaviour in the last years of her life - wow - like did she want to be forgiven? I did anyway - but I didn't visit either - until just before the end

And I know she couldn't hear and she didn't speak either - whether she could or not I don't know. What could she say? At least - being with her and stroking her hand and wiping her eyes - this was a time when the words could not get in the way - I could see her sorrow - that really did hurt because none of this needed to happen - whatever it was about

Even so - in the hospital - I had to be firm with my sister that I could sit with Mum while she and her husband had lunch - I often wonder about my sister and try to be charitable - it must be hard to come into the world and find the highly intelligent older child is well established - whatever it was - I know I hurt but I am okay

Whatever happened - you were wronged - possibly as I was by a flawed sister who lied - you have said there were lies - it was not your choice yet somewhere in all of that - as painful as it has been - you have been yourself -

I care about you - I don't know what else to say except people in families hurt each other and this is so sad - and we can feel so badly wronged - which we are - of course

Caring heaps Soul

Dec