SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Thank you @soul 💮
Had to send my girls dog home to be with her today 😖 Not sure how to articulate how I feel but haven't been able to stop the tears since, and my hands are shaking (hard to type) and have dull headache. Push aside the barrage of dark thoughts that come with loss, my final company (responsibility at home gone). The vet said his heart was failing and all they could do, with expensive medication, would only give him a few months at best. I watched my girl take her last breath, this was her dog, so I couldn't put myself through watching him go too, he's too tired to care much and the vet seemed really nice, and they will take care of disposal thank goodness cause couldnt handle that on my own (all cost $135). Vet said 15yrs was pretty good for little dogs.
Poor pooch put up with me longer than my girl. Hes been a lovely energetic dog, and good company through the worst of times. He's better off now, and not suffering, and wont have to grieve the loss of our girl.anymore (2011), or his mate(last year), or me.haha

What a week it has been.

Don't know who to ring and tell. Glad you.are here. Think I'll have to sleep it away. Don't know. Hope I'm stronger this time and don't act on the previous contracts I made for this time.

Strange, when we're stressed, how Blackdog starts barking: this is it, time to go, nothing left, nothing to live for, no purpose, he's better off away from you, its a house of death, its your fault, god is punishing you again, everyone leaves you, just run away, disappear, at least sell up & move on, don't tell anyone - they'll just think your dramaqueening again and give you a hard time, you didn't deserve dogs or children or love - when was the last time you bathed the dog or walked him... ...

The thoughts are loud today, but i'm too numb and exhausted and sober to do anything rash at this time. And last I talked my son is planning to come visit this coming weekend. Don't know how he'll feel about the dog. Never had much patience for animals. He will be OK if I am I suspect.

If I had the resources I'd toddle off to hospital or somewhere people around me 24/7 can care for me for a spell, he'll me settle / sort out the voices.

My hands have stopped shaking now, took 3hrs, and laying here watching 'touched by an angel, with curtains shut in a he rare event someone comes to my door. Just don't have the words or energy for anyone.

Sorry, I don't mean to "bring nothing but grief" to the forums all the time. This is not fun at all . So sorry

A butcher bird feeding young just came close so I fed her, bit of company (thanks God)🌷🌿❤

Ohhhh @Former-Member ...... so sorry to hear that Claypan has moved on ...... hugs n hugs.

Please put in your mind to take in another little dog once your feelings have cycled though these next few weeks. You have so much love to give, and there are dogs needing love in pounds and shelters everywhere ..... keep sharing the love Hon ..... you can do this ..... I believe in you ..... 💕

What can you plant in your garden to honour him ? Something might come and find you ..... even a little garden ornament that reminds you of him .....

Can we have a photo of him when you're ready ?

💜💐💕💜💐💕💜