SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

I have two kids. My son has a beautiful caring and level headed demeanour. Nothing seems to faze him all that much. Never have to worry about him. Both the kids lived with their father when I was overseas as it was still the family home. When the divorce settlement finally was sorted, they moved with him but the ex literally tossed my daughter out. She moved to a share house which was then sold and I ended up organising a small place for the two of us. And the dog and bird. Would love to have both kids with me again but the dynamics have changed.

My daughter has had her fair share of issues. Self esteem, depression, body issues. Was on ad meds a while back. Now she lives a healthy lifestyle - eats well and exercises but not obsessive. Has occasional treats. Has a group of friends and a nice boyfriend. Just got a new job. Life seems sweet for her which means that she is a lot nicer to me too as she can get quite moody at times.

I went for a long walk this morning and feel a whole lot better now @Former-Member. Sounds like you have a lot going on. Isn't it weird how your parents who once took care of you now can't cope and become like your kids?

You're right in that dying isn't fun. My Dad had a long drawn out time before he passed. It was really difficult for him and also heartbreaking to watch. Mum was luckier if you could call it that. She was admitted to hospital on a Thursday and was gone by Sunday.

From someone who isn't all that good at gardening, not sure about your last comment. Life can certainly be a struggle at times.

It's a matter of processing the grief, taking the time to do so @Former-Member. Eventually the sadness and regret gives way to remembering the nice stuff although I don't think you can ever let go of regrets.

Death is inevitable but it still comes as a shock. Nothing can really prepare you for how you will feel when it touches you.

Sheesh @Former-Member

I had my mother freeze me out - I know how rotten that can be - my sister did the same - better off without them but yes - it brings grief

But those labels - pathetic, lazy, hopeless - I don't see you that way - don't let those words define you

Yes - people suffer and it's all dark at times - putting a dome over yourself and letting only the sun in - sounds like a good idea - your Mum is being dramatic with her - ah is it dementia - and your son is battling with depression also - that is really hard - but let's say he feels worse with bronchitis - he'll most likely get over his depression when he gets back to his exercise routine

If it helps I feel okay today - I had a few rough days not that far past - enough to know that it's better to sit in a chair and let time pass sometimes - and others - well - if we can we walk it off

Thining of you - it is hard when everyone is down - too right

Dec

Thanks @Owlunar,

I'm glad you feel OK today. I know its not balanced to expect everyone to always have good days, but when EVERYONE in my life is complaining - I can't handle it, well, makes sad on sad. These are things I can't do anything about, I don't know what to even say anymore to help, I use to have answers but just no energy. All i can do is pray and listen and not make it about me...

My only frequent visitor (guess that makes her my closest friend :/) has phoned and cried + 3times in 24hrs, going on and on, over & over about our church friend, with 5 children (7-15yrs) suddenly decling in hospital this week with stage4 cancer (in and out of consciousness) after a 7yr battle. My friends daughter (an RN) is nursing her atm and sadly relays information about her to her mum, whos telling me things i shouldn't dealt be hearing. Then she cries again, and can't talk. I have learned to just 'zip it' because anything I say she rebuffs, unless its about God (thank goodness we have that), but its hurting me to, even though I have left that church group for somewhere more local, I still feel it too. Its burdening me a lot. And reminds me of my mums pain who I can't help either.

Fortunately the church friend does have a barrage of support and family and I think I'd just be in the way even to drop in flowers. All I can do is pray but yesterday i found a lovely handmade card to mail the family.

At the Ladies Reading Gp yesterday one 'friend' I thought I'd made, was indifferent with me. I don't know why. Her husband & her came and took away the dead tree trunk for me (their fireplace) a week ago, I thought that went wrll. I thought we were closer but its sad she serms to be holding me at a distance, hurts. People confuse me.

Just got a letter from the Dr wanting me to come in and discuss my recent blood results. Iron studies I think it was, probably just the anemia still. Might be a coincidence but I think the anemia is reducing the anxiety, which I prefer. Don't wanna bother going back. And there's a $27 gap. Shell just be ell me ingest more iron. I'm tired.

Also, someone here is pressuring me to change my username. People have been saying things. Makes me wanna leave. Kinda taps into the bpd abandonment and social phobia thing which doesn't help me feel supported here at all. Why can't people take me at face value? 😞

I need to move again before I get stiff. Lower back bad enough but the Rt shoulder / arm is giving me curry today with raking and digging 😞 but its bearable 🌷🌿

Thanks for listening 😢