What to do now

I think the high has ended and hello the low. Few more hundred on clothing and not even a 5 seconds of yay feeling. Been trying to draw but finding it hard to be passionate about it. Went to the art store and brought new supplies but still meh. Wish I could be a bear and sleep for months

I started reading articles on feeling fulfilled. Something I struggle with. Nothing satisfys me.

Majority of articles is those 6 steps to happiness. You know the basics love your self, don't be money greedy, give to others basicly just things I feel every human dose on earth just to be human.

The other one I want to find the author and kick him. If you can't be happy of fulfilled do charity work so your life ain't a waste of time or go get medication. Don't think people who are not satisfied or happy or selfish just feel bad for them as they can't feel what is normal people feel.

So I am at work I can not breath and I'm shaking in pure anger. Every little thing is massive today. High change I'm going to scream at my boss. But I think she's sensing I'm not happy as she's letting me bark to orders. But then again she did tell me last week I love it when you work as I don't have to try.

So now all my friends have or having children.

I've always felt like an outsider in life but felt really connected to my friends as they are weird. But now they are part of society and I'm not. My relationship with them has not changed much except they can't rage all night lol. But it's like now I'm different to them. They can all connected over kids stuff and as much as I'm interested in their life and kid stuff I will never grasp it. I just feel like now I'm not in the circle with my friends. I've just popped out of it.

It's just making me feel like I'm really alone. Like a real strong lonely feeling has come upon me. Also the feeling of not being normal is hitting hard.,

So im laying in bed looking at my husband thinking would he be better off with out me. All night I've been crying just saying I want to be healthy and have a good exciting life with him and that I hate I'm ill. Now I'm just watching him sleep thinking is that what he pictured for his life?

Hi @Former-Member,

I am so sorry to hear that you are having these thoughts tonight and are struggling with so much in general. Do you struggle with SI a lot and so have specific stratgies that you use at times of need (ie distraction self soothing etc), if so would any of them be options right now??

or is tonight a particularly bad night in that you might need to chat with someone to keep you safe ie lifeline 13 11 14 or beyond blue 1300 22 4636

And I'm having a break down at work. I'm shaking, my brain feels like it's going to explode. I just feel like screaming. It's like everything is falling apart and I can't stop it. Why can't I stop it.

Hi @Former-Member

Yesterday sounds like it was beyond intense. Did something happen at work to make things escalate?

I hope you were able to find some calmness last night.

How are you going now?

I don't know what brought it on. I felt as though my head was so full of rapid thoughts it was going to explode. My depression was physically painful. The only thing I think it could of been is I talked to my boss as I'm trying a new med this weekend that I may turn into a zombie or act weird but not to stress and she was so supportive of me and will do anything to make work easy for me.

I also debated a bunch of idiots about the feminist movement and empowering girls saying hello it's not evil and belittling to men. The movement of the 70s allowing us to vote, right to our body, right to wear what ever, right to move up the work ladder and the choice to be a working mum, single mum or stay at home mum is ok. And that in any group there's a bunch of idiots making loud noise the new wave feminist. But at its core it's still needed as we are still in some cases second eg, rape and domestic abuse and we need to empower those ladies. And feminist is about equality. It's been equal to men so we can work together and encourage each other.

And yes my brain is still on hardcore and the need to self harm to let out these feelings is so so so so strong but I'm keeping so busy which is hurting my head more and keeping me buzzing but if I stop I will harm and break down. Im literally trapped.