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What to do now

Unknown userMember20 May 2017, 3:19 pm AEST

What to do now

I feel dead inside. I got zero clue why I'm trying to smile. I told my family last night never to talk to me. I told everyone else they suck. I broke up with my husband. I'm literally alone. I got nothing.

Will I even like my life own my own or will it also be just full of hurt and pain? I just can't breath. Can't think. I feel trapped. So trapped.

And I know it fades but then it comes back and I'm starting to think why am I fighting this. I'm nothing. I'm just a speak of dust inside a giants eye.

72 replies

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In response to: What to do now

utopiaSenior Contributor20 May 2017, 10:30 pm AEST

Re: What to do now

Just put the @symbol right before my name eg:@utopia - just like we do for your name @Former-Member. That way I get notified straight away that you have sent a message.Makes it easier and quicker when you want to have a chat.

In response to: What to do now

utopiaSenior Contributor21 May 2017, 10:45 am AEST

Re: What to do now

@Former-Member. Just wanted to check and see how you are doing this this morning.
And to let you know that I'm here if you need to talk.

In response to: Re: What to do now

Shaz51Senior Contributor21 May 2017, 4:36 pm AEST

Re: What to do now

Hello @Former-Member,

how are you this afternoon , we are here for you if you like to talk

In response to: What to do now

Unknown userMember22 May 2017, 11:44 am AEST

Re: What to do now

Bad night followed by another bad night. At doctors waiting to see him.

In response to: Re: What to do now

Shaz51Senior Contributor22 May 2017, 11:46 am AEST

Re: What to do now

Thinking of you @Former-Memberxx

let us know how you went at the doctor`s

In response to: What to do now

Unknown userMember22 May 2017, 12:58 pm AEST

Re: What to do now

The usual. You can't do this on your own. You need to be medicated. You are rapid cycling bad. Take these come back in a week and we will look at you talking to someone.

Read the side effects,

Major comon side effects include

Aggressive behavior
agitation
anxiety
changes in vision, including blurred vision
difficulty concentrating
loss of balance control
mask-like face
memory problems
muscle spasms of the face, neck, and back
problems with urination
restlessness or need to keep moving (severe)
shuffling walk
skin rash or itching
stiffness or weakness of the arms or legs
tic-like or twitching movements
trembling and shaking of the fingers and hands
trouble sleeping
twisting body movements

Can I go and cry now. I can't do this.

In response to: Re: What to do now

NikNikSenior Contributor22 May 2017, 3:29 pm AEST

Re: What to do now

Hi @Former-Member

What has helped in the past? Is it helpful for you to view this medication as a means to stabilise your cycling and then you can move on to other treatment options?

In response to: What to do now

Unknown userMember22 May 2017, 4:45 pm AEST

Re: What to do now

Nothing has helped in the past. Just my determination. But that ain't working now. I can't view this medication in a helpful way. All I see is a pill that's going to make me a zombie. A pill that is going to suppress my moods. A pill I will have to take forever. I don't see it as a golden light. I just see it as painful as bipolar.

In response to: Re: What to do now

Unknown userMember23 May 2017, 8:18 am AEST

Re: What to do now

Hi @Former-Member

I have had the same feelings about different meds in the past. Can you talk with your prescribing dr about it? Sometimes though there is no easy answers i've found. I dont have experience with rapid cycling as i have ptsd/depression, so not feeling like i am much use to you! I sometimes do plummet very quickly though from ok, to not ok which is hard.

Do you have much planned for today?

In response to: Re: What to do now

MazaritaSenior Contributor23 May 2017, 9:26 am AEST

Re: What to do now

Hi @Former-Member, bipolar is a tough gig. In my experience it is much tougher by far without meds. The side effects you listed are just possibilities, not definites.

The idea is to work through the process of finding meds that work for you with minimal side effects. This is how it is for me and my bipolar. Yes, it's been a tricky road at times finding the meds that best work. Sometimes they don't work immediately so there is the danger that we give up before giving them a good shot. But I've been on my current mix now for about 7 years and things have been way better than they were before. Way way better. I don't feel like my life is being corroded from the inside like I used to. I am basically stable. I am not a zombie. I create videos that have screened internationally. And I have a massively better relationship with the people around me. Overall I am a happier, more peaceful human being and the people around me are better off too. There seems a lot more reason to have hope than there ever did before.

The bottom line for those of us with bipolar is we have to make a choice that has a downside either way. There are many choices in life like this. Often with the good, there is some bad. It sounds like you are definitely struggling hard enough to warrant medications and, from my experience, I suggest they could make your life much more livable in the long run. But it is, of course, your choice.

Sending very best wishes to you and hugs. I wonder too if @Ayesha has any thoughts on this that might help.

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