Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

I really don't know how I feel @soul, ranging from acceptance, being angry/ resentful (about the situation not my darling), to depressed and lonley. So sad I want to cry but dont know how.

This afternoon I almost lost it with one of the children because he couldn't get the clip back on the bread bag. Had to go hide in the bedroom. He was making an unnecessary production out of it but that is just children for you.

It's good that you are acknowledging your emotions and removed yourself from what could have been a regretful interaction with your child. I can't imagine the stress that you have been through this weekend. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Questions seem to be getting out od sync as I am taking so long to type my answers 🙂

Children are ok as they can be, I think them refusing to come with us is their way of putting their heads in the sand, but that is ok. Am worried about S2 but will take it day at a time. Arranging some clear boundaries with the school tomorrow to better support him. What happend last week still really upsets me, was unacceptable on so many levels. I am so proud of him though, even though he hates her and would rather never see her again he wanted me to take him in on Thursday afternoon to apologise for his behaviour. Just glad she is not his usual teacher, if she was he would be getting moved.

Am I looking after myself?

Everyone keeps asking me that but I dont even know what that intails at the moment. I am just doing what needs to be done. My bit of self care this week was to take some photos of some fireworks that were happening. (See shaz photo thread).

So tomorrow the issue with S2 will be dealt with and that will give you some peace of mind. I think you need to let your kids be kids and if it's more comfortable for them to have some distance, that's okay. There will be happy times ahead that will become nice memories for you all.

I guess people are just worried that you are burning yourself out and then will be no use to anyone. Eventually the adrenaline wears off and we are left with an exhausted shell of a person susceptible to sickness and some serious depression.

I have not mentioned this to anyone.... feel realy stupid to admit it even...

When S2 was telling me that he was worried mummy might die while she was in hospital it was so hard to reassure him as I have had the same irrational fear. He was telling me again only last night. It is highly unlikley anything like that will happen but I have been having 'visions' if I could even call it that of getting a phone call and wondering how I was supposed to tell the children. So as I was consoling him I was thinking great, now I am making promises I cant keep. He will hate me forever if anything happens.

Try to find even the smallest bit of joy. We tend to focus on the negative.

Great that your son took those steps in making things better at school. I think it will be okay on that front leaving you with one less thing to worry about. When is your next visit? @Determined

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@soul wrote:

I guess people are just worried that you are burning yourself out and then will be no use to anyone. Eventually the adrenaline wears off and we are left with an exhausted shell of a person susceptible to sickness and some serious depression.

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Unfortunately soul I passed that point a long time ago, been operating on auto for longer than I can remember. Only people who realy recognise that are my mum and possibly mum I.L.

People are only asking me now because we have managed to keep the problem so well hidden. My copeing has reached a new low though and I am relying on help more than ever before, that is hard for me.

Your mind is really working overtime. Good that you recognise that it is an irrational fear. Of course your kids are worried. This is a stressful time. Hospitals mean sickness. Sounds like S2 is more aware and sensitive to what's going on. Try not to fret about stuff that hasn't happened and have such a minute possibility of happening.

If we worry about every single thing that could occur, we wouldn't want to get out of bed at all.

It's okay not to be Superman @Determined. Even he had weaknesses. I'm glad you have family support. Being responsible for a young family puts an added burden on you and holding down a job also takes its toll.