Ask Anything Monday: Have a question you feel too apprehensive to ask?

---

@Appleblossom wrote:

Great text suggestion @patientpatient

My husband bought that book in its 1st edition

and had just come out of doing psychology

At that time most schizophrenics who were doing well were staying away from health authorities.

My husband was derisive about the book as he thought it was directed at rellies not sufferers ...., though I read it anyway cos I had married him.

Its interesting to notice its still around.

---

Hi,

The full title is Surviving Schizophrenia - a manual for families, patients and providers so it is directed at relatives as well as those with the illness. Also it's written in US context so some sections are less relevant here. I've got the 5th edition and there's a later edition available now. Author is a psychiatrist and his sister has sz.

Hi everyone,

Welcome to Ask Anything Monday. Thanks to @Former-Member & @patientpatient for responding to the last question.

This week's question:

I have my own mental illnesses. I also found out late last year that I am classed as a carer as have supported my older son in many ways over his lifetime. He is in his 30's now. I have always carried pain for him knowing that there was something about him that all the different specialists he saw over many years missed.

He was and still is very clever at slipping under the radar. When he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, refused medication and then left the state, my seeking help for him led me to Carers Australia where I was told that I am a carer. I found this very hard to digest and was told emphatically that I come under the classification of carer. They referred me to a psychologist specialised in this illness. I have seen her once.

My son has been listed as missing twice and was able to outsmart the police at the time, so no missing report outstanding now. He has changed his mobile phone and does not respond to any emails. I ring his father who hears from him when he wants him to send money.

My question is how can I still be classified as a carer of someone whom is missing and allows me no contact?

I really feel for you. I went through what you describe many times over the years when my son would disappear for weeks on end and often end up in a hospital in some other state of Australia. But 'officially' I was still classed as his carer.You are still your son's carer even if he does disappear and cease contact with you because it is assumed that sooner or later he will end up back with you. Re his behaviour of disappearing and not wishing to sustain contact with you, it is very important that you keep reminding yourself that this is not your son behaving in this manner. It is his illness. The illness dominates his thoughts, feelings and actions. It takes over completely. I know this doesn't help your ongoing suffering and feelings of loss and grief but if you can just keep reminding yourself that it IS the illness and not your son, it may help a little. Sooner or later, what he is currently doing will stop. He will reach rock bottom and maybe end up in hospital somewhere. This means that he'll find himself back in 'the system' and help will be there for him. And you will be notified. Because officially you are still recognised as his carer.

---

@Jo wrote:

... Sooner or later, what he is currently doing will stop. He will reach rock bottom and maybe end up in hospital somewhere. This means that he'll find himself back in 'the system' and help will be there for him. And you will be notified. Because officially you are still recognised as his carer.

---

My son went off interstate by himself. At times it seemed he was having a holiday. At other times he was very unwell. Sometimes we were in contact by phone. At other times I could only track him by his bank transactions (he regularly ran out of funds). Family members visited as often as we could but he refused to come home. I happened to be there when he hit rock bottom and, with great difficulty, managed to get him to hospital. Sometimes he talks about going for another trip and it's a huge concern.

How can I register as an official carer so that any hospital would notify me of an admission?

hello @patientpatient

I have been told that if I am registered with Carer Australia that I would be notified if my son is unwell enough, as assessed by a psychiatrist to make the decision about whom is to be notified.

You could ring them and ask the question.

I really think it depends on the person with the illness, how ill they are and how receptive and helpful the assessing psychiatrist is.

Happy Monday everyone!

Thanks everyone for your responses and contribution to last week's question ( @Jo @patientpatient @Former-Member )

This week's question is:

My daughter has panic attacks quite frequently.

I have read a lot about how to help someone who is having a panic attack - but regardless I always feel helpless.

Does anyone have any tips on how to assist someone when they are having a panic attack?

Thanks

I'm not an authority on panic attacks or how to manage them, but my daughter is prone to them and I have been able to help her by doing this:

- assuring her that she is not dying and that there is nothing physically wrong i.e. she is not having a heart attack, stroke or dying and that what she is feeling is a panic attack and the effects of adrenaline.

- I have done controlled breathing with her - in for the count of 3, hold for 3 and out for 3. At times I've had to grab her hands and get her to remain focused on me and the breathing.

- I've tried to get her to focus on other things and ground her by getting her to be more aware of her physical surroundings and asking her to name something in the room (or wherever) starting with S or if she can find something orange or to count how many chairs she can see, or whatever.

- I try any diversion or distraction - splashing her face with water or wiping it with a cold cloth; getting her to cuddle the cat; to come outdoors with me; etc. I ultimately want her to not focus on what she is feeling and break the momentum of her panic.

- I also give her hugs and hold her, yet again reassuring her that she is OK and nothing bad is about to happen.

All of the above, in any combination, have helped.

Janna

Hi .... and welcome to the forums ....

(Hi @NikNik)

I wasn't conscious of the existence of panic attacks until I experienced a couple of them in different forms .... although "stage fright" I encountered in a ballet concert as a young girl may have come under that banner as well, causing me to forget all my steps in the moment ....

My husband is in denial with an undiagnosed eating disorder. Didn't know much about those either before this very steep learning curve ..... and while I didn't understand what was happening with him and how he could change personality, and seem to lose control over his former values, lashing out at us in his fear and frustration .... it got to a point where I was failing to cope with the intensity of it. Panic attacks arrived on my doorstep.

My first panic attack was in the form of feeling that I couldn't take in enough oxygen with my breathing .... a sensation of inadequate air intake, even though the mechanics of my breathing were normal .... this lasted a couple of weeks, on and off. It was only when the second one hit, as an adrenaline rush that sent my heart hammering and my blood pressure climbing, with dizziness, angina (chest pain) and what have you that it clicked .... in an ambulance I had called, and on my way to hospital ....

I had thought it was heart trouble.

After organising cardiac testing to rule that out, I took stock of my situation. I don't know whether these things can help with your daughter, but I haven't encountered another one, and I think it is because the ones that I did have clued me in to this -

High stress circumstances arriving in waves, and building on each other are likely to lead to a panic attack .... so when that is starting to happen is the time to take action.

Action to be taken is -

"Time out" .... removing myself from the source of stress as much as possible, which might mean jumping into the car and driving away for a while .... or going for a shower and staying in the bathroom for ages, or heading out for a walk ..... physically getting out of the line of fire.

Being pro-active .... I began to schedule semi-regular foot massages for myself, and take time to see to broken nails and getting my hair trimmed .... self-care that places a priority on my well-being.

If I feel my heart starting to hammer, or I begin to feel flushed in the face, indicating that my blood pressure is being affected, I will physically remove myself but also bung in some earphones and put on some gentle piano music. I can now turn on that music and it has an automatic calming effect on me. There have been days where I have lived with my earphones in and that piano music on a constant repeat .... those were the worst days .... I haven't had any like that for a while now.

In the future if I do find find a panic attack escalating, I would follow through with grounding exercises that others on the forums here have taught me .... like locating the colours of the rainbow in objects in the room around me, or holding a piece of ice in my hand until it melts .... the cold sensation engages the senses .... perhaps cooking a piece of toast would do the same thing via the sense of smell ....

Since my encounter with them, my daughter has told me of experiencing panic attacks ... in relation to our home situation, but also previous bullying incidents at school, and the stress of her schooling around illness and injuries she suffered. It has made me more conscious of her state of mind, but the school counsellor had provided her with the same sort of strategies I now use, and we support each other in dealing with our daily events.

My son no. 2 - still living at home - plugs in earphones, or puts himself to sleep, when the going gets tough.

I agree with the suggestions @Janna has outlined below, but I would really suggest sitting down with your daughter in a quiet moment and devising an action plan .... probably more like a menu of actions to take, and reach for one or more strategies in the moment of a panic attack based on the head-knowledge and discussions about what to do that have happened when things were calm.

For our family, just the awareness of what panic attacks are, what is likely to bring them on, and having a set of management strategies really helps.

Take care -

F&H

Happy Monday everyone!

We haven't had a question come through in a little while, so I'm a bit delayed thanking @Faith-and-Hope & @Janna for their last responses 🙂

This week's question:

I have a wonderful friend who has chronic depression. I always try to create fun and enjoyable experiences with and for them - keep them busy, entertained and try and keep their mind off things. They seem to enjoy the various activities while we're in the moment, but as soon as they are over, they are back in the rut of depression.

I know that simply 'having a good time' isn't going to fix things, but I want to be able to help in a way that is a long term fix, not the short term fix that these activities are providing.

How do you have more of an impact on someone's mental health?

Supporting someone through mental illness is one of the most precious gifts that you can give them. We would all like to see tangible results, we want to feel that our support is beneficial as the effort it takes for us to remain optomistic and hopeful can be all too draining on ourselves and we can lose sight of the value of what we are doing and give up.

To maintain health and wellbeing we all need to feel connected, have hope, a healthy self esteem, meaning and empowerment in our lives. This is the CHIME model

C= Connecteness (good relationships - family, friends, community- can be online)

H = Hope (optimism, possibilities)

I = Identity (positive sense of self)

M = Meaning in life (spirituality, purpose)

E = Empowerment (having control, focussing on strengths)

When helping someone with depression, simply by being there for them offers them connectedness, we can encourage them gently to do things which can in turn contribute to positive outcomes however we cannot fix our loved ones. We can offer them a loving, safe environment where they have opportunity to heal.

I often think of mental illness in terms of other diseases, in the medical illness lottery we cannot pick which ones we do not want however the responsibility of managing the illness lies firmly with the patient. If a diabetic wants to remain well, it is only them that can manage all areas of their health such as what they eat, if they are taking meds if needed, if they are exercising.

We can encourage and provide support, this might be more intense or demanding when our loved ones are acutely unwell and/or lack insight, but ultimately and more noticeably as healing begins to occur, their recovery is out of our hands and we need to find a way to be at peace with that. This can be very difficult to do.

There is one important exclusion, I don't think that we should underestimate the seriousness of Major depression; untreated it can be terminal by way of self harm. It is most important that as a support person we are aware of any factors that could indicate that our loved one is thinking of taking their own life or their condition has deteriorated to a delusional or psychotic state and to know when we need to rally and call an ambulance or other professional help.

I have found this website to be helpful: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-a-depressed-person.htm

Darcy