Ask Anything Monday: Have a question you feel too apprehensive to ask?

Dear @Kelsie

I've been reading your question with much interest. My brother just flew over to see Mum and work in a job for 3 days......she just bought a home for him. about 2 months ago. I tried to speak with him about the home of mine that my father stole from me several years ago but he's been groomed from my mum.....your question is very similar to mine.

So I wrote him a letter and this is what I wrote. I get no reply but whatever. I've also cut down all contact with Mum to once per month for a coffee with her and my horrible mother in law.

Yesterday, @Kelsie, I raced my son to emergancy for his brain tumour. He is 21.

I did not get any comment from him. This is the letter;

Im too spaced out to write to you but wish I could. No one is saying you don't work hard, I do as well ...there has been no difference but we are both lucky that we both can walk and talk and share intelligent ideas.

I am ALWAYS thinking of how your life has been
Haemophilia
No Father influence.
Parental issues.
It has been difficult. You show huge compassion to your friends and family, remember me now.

When I asked for you to recognise what dad did to my home, that was probably written not very well, I am sorry.
I am tired and almost 50 and tired us missing the page. If you want to see real family problems, lets go to Refern in Sydney or......a scary road in America.
Sibling Rivalry is about who Mum loves the most and lets face it.....we are too old and we all have set our OWN lives up to suit ourselves.
Lets be kind to each other. You might not like some things that I do. I DEARLY wish I could call you about my oldest son and tell you how he is because he loves you so much and I AM SO GRATEFUL.

I am very very proud of myself how well I have brought my sons up. Both of my son's show true compassion and work very hard and manage their own lives. oldest son needs a LOT more and both YOU and other brother have stepped in, that is very rare for a sisters son to have so much support from Uncles.
Love .......... xxx
6 Ways to Deepen Your Compassion to Help Other People
True compassion is hard work, but it's worthwhile. Here are 6 ways to be more compassionate and more helpful to people in need.
tinybuddha.com
3:12PM
I want to write one more thing to you and I hope you don't mind but it ANNoys me that you forget;
women are so often the targets of one's unconscious projections (no matter whether you are male or female),

Its probably wrong but thats what i did on reflection of your well written message.

PP

Happy Monday everyone! We are back with AAM after the long weekend. I hope you all had a great break.

This week's question is:

My daughter has panic attacks. Sometimes at home and sometimes in public. My question is, when I'm there, what can I do to help alleviate the panic attack? Does anyone have any practical strategies?

Happy Monday @NikNik

Hello , welcome to the forum -- I think helping her to take long deep breaths will help with the panic attacks, also get her focus onto you, distraction will help too.

Also the doctor told my hubby to do neck exercises and breathing and counting as well

Happy Monday everyone!

We didn't have a question last week, but thanks to @Shaz51 @Former-Member & @Jacques for responding to the previous week's AAM.

This week's question is:

Hi there,

My 18 year old granddaughter has been diagnosed with BPD. Her mother has schizophrenia and has not been in her life for 10 years, I have raised my granddaughter since she was eight and up until she was 14 and life was uneventful. At the age of 16 have had a, physiologist, psychiatrist and GP helping her. It has only been the last week she was diagnosed with BPD.

I did not handle my daughters' mental illness well and I appear to be not doing so well with my granddaughter. I would like help to be able to communicate with her so it does not become a personal battle between the two of us. She has lived out of home for 12 months and is now struggling and is thinking of returning home. If/when she does I want to be able to help her and not take on board her illness as a direct result of my bad parenting as I did with my daughter. I have a feeling of Deja Vu. I need help for myself so I can help her.

Dear Grandmother,

I have been a bad parent to my oldest son. We have spent many years talking about it.I say to him...... Im very sorry, You can blame me for what I did.....I'm always available to talk about it. Since I said this; he has been

diagnosed with spending times with mental ill health (and other UNMET needs); he spends a lot of time talking about the past, being stuck in it, learning how to live right.............. today.

And he is manging his life.

Enough about him. The MOST imporant thing is that you become a good parent one day, It doesnt matter if you have done wrong in the past .......what is most impoatant is to show remorse and to find skills to deal with today.

Check out Petter Bullimore as a world wide advocate for new ways of spending time with others in mental il health (snd other UNMET needs)

I like how he writes lists on problems of someone who suffers times of mental ill health and other unmet needs. He says ....."Write a list of all problems....then work out the most important and tackle that one." When I went to a conference that he was talkingat....I was so overwhelmed in how kind and available he was for anyone to speak to him.

Sane Forums

Loved ones.

Kind hello from PP

Dear Grandmother,

How wonderful and courageous for you to reach out. Vulnerability and shame can be our inner demons, coupled with our 'coulda, woulda shoulda's'. Please know that you are doing the best you can at all times, even though it may not feel like it at the time. We can be usually the first ones to highlight our mistakes in neon markers whilst dismissing our achievements where mental health is concerned.

I have Bipolar Disorder and my husband has a Bipolar, Borderline PD, Depression and other bits and pieces in what one of our family members affectionately call our 'shopping list of disorders'. I completely understand where you are coming from when it comes to communication. What we want to say and what we in fact hear can be two different things, depending on our articulation, mood, how our day went, etc.

When dearest is in one of his episodes, moods or turns, thus is how I approach it, from a wife, carer and a person with a mental illness:

1. Ask short or direct questions, they are easier to process and comprehend and misunderstandings can be better avoided

2. Check in with questions like - was there anything that made you feel special today? (I use this one with my 11 year old who has Autism) Was there a moment when you weren't ok today? Is there anything you feel I need to know? What can I do to help you in your recovery process / throughout the day / during an activity etc.

3. Self-care. You are also worth the time and the effort, the compassion and love you show others. Perhaps @NikNik might be able to forward the link on self-care

4. Keep being the hope carrier - we don't want folks to do for us, but during the slog, a wink or a nod of encouragement can be all that's needed to put one foot in front of the other

5. Communication can also be through drawing, art. Music, creating, building and other forms of self expression. Sometimes asking for 'three key words" or "scribble how you feel" can also give you an indication as to where one is at, without having to have long drawn out arguments.

I hope these can be of any help and once again, well done for seeking and researching. It's beautiful as it is courageous and self empowering 🙂