Ask Anything Monday: Have a question you feel too apprehensive to ask?

Happy Monday Everyone!

A big thank you to @PeppiPatty @Shaz51 @Former-Member and @Janna for the insightful responses and discussion to last week's post.

This week's AAM question is:

I have a colleague at my work place who I connect well with. We don't socialise outside of work, but we share a bit about ourselves and get on well when we work on projects together. Lately I have noticed a change in her. I know that she's had a rough time with a divorce lately and has a teen daughter who has a eating disorder. I can't even imagine how difficult things are for her at the moment and I don't really know what to do or say.

I want to reach out to others who care for a loved one and ask - what can a work colleague do to help?

Hi,

When I read this question the first thing I thought was "Keep calm and carry on". I can only speak for myself but from my experience it is good to have the normal routine where possible. Sometimes people just need to be sad and grieve. You could consider coffee and a chat if you are comfortable with that. One thing to keep in mind though is that sometimes when people are upset they will share more than they might be comfortable with and this might impact your future work relationship.

This is an interesting question I am keen to hear what others think.

I have just recently been through a very difficult situation in which I left my disordered and abusive husband and concurrently had to deal with my highly depressed son, not to mention my own collapsing mental health and the well-being of my other family members (daughter and mum). The hardest part was feeling alone and feeling like no-body cared. I would have loved to have had one person who I felt actually gave a damn, regardless of what they could or couldn't do for me. The very act of expressing concern is very comforting for someone when they are in the midst of difficulties and can do much to alleviate the loneliness, isolation and sadness that they feel. Acknowledging her difficulties and simply listening is invaluable and far more than many would do. I would recommend being upfront and simply opening the subject quite directly. You can begin by stating that you're concerned about her and ask if everything is alright .. or something like that. As far as to what you can do .... well that is entirely up to you to decide. You can simply offer her the ability to talk to you and assure her that you are available if the need arises. You can empathise with her and provide validation for her experience. You can offer assistance in any way you want - from a simple link to a service or invite to go out or whatever. You could also give her a small, inexpensive, but meaningful gift - such as a crystal stone for protection or an aromatherapy candle to relax or the like. It doesn't take much at all to let her know that you care about her. Sometimes it's the smallest things that can make the biggest difference to someone and when people are experiencing difficulties they can make an enormous difference.

Regardles of what you do she will be grateful and humbled by your concern, as I would have been if someone had of done the same for me. The fact that you are thinking of her and concerned about her speak volumes about you as an individual. What you are doing is showing compassion and empathy for a fellow human being.

Reflect on how happy you would be if someone did the same for you at times when you've encountered difficulties. If you've ever been the recipient of compassion you'll know how important it is. Your concern and willingness to help is all that is needed and you need to let her know this in any way you feel comfortable with.

Love

Janna ❤️

Wow @Janna

What a good suggestion, @Former-Member Can I take it to what you wrote last question though:

You write:

"we can make more conscious decisions about how much to give to another and how much to give to ourselves."

Personally, I'm really upset with the latest Drama in Western Australia in that Again, the carer was not listened to and chaos and sadness concerning mental illness, families and the hospitals is in the papers in Western Australia.

How are we going to make the Government , hospitals and State Law recognise the knowledge of the carer and loved ones?

If this lovely workperson can go to this extent;

Buy her some flowers.

Tell her you are here for her.

Help her organise an appiontment with whoever she wants. Take her to it. BE strong and be able to listen to ....scary things that are not in our safe little worlds like the terms......

scary husband

No help

divorce

Make a difference.

or ; make her a dinner and bring it to work for her to eat that night.

Maybe it's too hard for the workperson to go to this extreme and this is OK. She needs to take care of herself first. Can she contact the HR or PR or whoever ...maybe the boos... of the organization to get stuff like this happening?

I have not had a teenager with anerexia But It would be very worrying to say the least.

@Carer101 writes;

abusive husband and concurrently had to deal with my highly depressed son, not to mention my own collapsing mental health and the well-being of my other family members (daughter and mum). The hardest part was feeling alone and feeling like no-body cared.

That makes me feel like I want to go to @Former-Member home and just give her a very big hug and make her a lovely cup of tea or coffee and order her pizza for every day of February so she doesnt have to cook dinner.

Well this is my experience too and now, knowing my severely narcassistic Moter has met up with a very important person in my past to 'discuss with him my son's illness." OMG.

But I have set up support. I got it organised with someone who is very very empathetic and very clever so she said all the things I needed to hear and look up. It settled me right down.

I speak about it with Sane Forum members.

But that takes time to work out how to get support straight away. That's years of training my brain to get all that together.

Hi @PeppiPatty

A very interesting and enthusiastic response. I think your hug might be meant for @Janna. Although I have a difficult relationship, more so for a lack of understanding and support, I have never really identified as being abused. There are other reasons that people divorce.

Cheers.

Hello @Former-Member, @NikNik, @PeppiPatty, @Janna, @Jane3

@Former-Member, i totally agree with what you said , just being there for her and having a coffee is a great idea ,

I must write I get a real thrill when a moderator ticks like on a messsage @Acacia.

It feels good hey my friend @PeppiPatty when a moderator ticks like on a messsage

Here are some extra likes to spread the love!