The Weekly Friday Feast

@Former-Member I just edited my last post too, added some because it wasn't long enough😝😜

Hi @Former-Member

Pls try to do something a little bit special for your birthday, like buy a small bunch of flowers for a vase, and maybe have coffee out somewhere with a crossword puzzle .... your kids will probably be upset that you are on your own too, and maybe feel a bit guilty too, even though it wasn't their choice or their fault.

That way when they come back you can tell them, "I did this and this for my birthday, but I still missed you .... !"

It can give them a sense of security in the future that things can remain stable even when they don't work out the way we want them to ....

Its just a suggestion. You can ignore it if you want to. My mum spent a lot of time alone, sick in bed, while she was growing up. She used to tell me that you need to become a bit of a friend to yourself .... think of what a friend might do for another friend on their birthday, or any time when you're alone, and do that for you .... it teaches the kids how to do that too.

It's not selfishness, it's self-nurture, and part of what kids need to learn. They seem to learn it best when they see adults around them doing it too.

I hope that helps ....

Thinking of you .......... 💐

hi @Angels333

the forums are so important for getting that bit of encouragement or support from each other, im so glad it's here.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

yes my lil girl was upset that she wouldnt be with me to celebrate my birthday, so they chose a new charm for my bracelet the other day and we had lunch. i'm having so many really dark thoughts at the moment, a lot of overly paranoid thoughts, some that seem realistic but contradict other thoughts. im so tired of fighting my head and everything else, my head is just telling me that everything is hopeless.

lj

@Former-Member

My natural response to a busy, busy mind, particularly when the thoughts are not helpful in nature (!) is to respond with physical activity of some kind ....

Daylight hours when it's not brass-monkey weather - go for a walk, vacuum the house, make spitballs and fire them at a photo of someone who has annoyed you recently (nobody said you have to be mature about it !!)

Daylight hours when it is brass-monkey weather - cuddle up under a doona in the nearest thing to pyjamas you think you can get away with and watch a movie, or plug in head-phones with music that you have trouble keeping still for, and dance .... if anyone us watching, dance with a duster in your hand pretending at least that you're working.

Night-time hours - cuddly doona with a movie, or long hot shower and cup of tea, or phone a friend.

Just get busy with something that moves your body or your mind onto an out-of-your-own-head task, but try to be strict with yourself and make it not-negotiable to do so ....

Might help to have a go-to list like an action plan.

I hope something of this us helpful .... I know there's low motivation involved, but maybe you can put marbles in a jar every time you achieve pulling yourself out of the doldrums, then take your kids out to something special when the jar is full, do everybody gets a treat out of it ❣

I wish there was a *love* button @Faith-and-Hope! What beautiful ideas

thank you, @Faith-and-Hope

you are so very correct and right, about moving and doing. my psychologist would probably like you lol i find it so hard to move, but i will try and do more

lj

❤️ = love button back at you @Former-Member .... 😊

@Former-Member ... you okay ?

It's clear to me that you are an empath too ... maybe how to translate all your sensory intake is something you can ask your support team about .... there are likely to be combinations of different exercises that can build awareness, control, mindfulness, along with meds support for other aspects of your dynamic .... letting your support team into where they can help you is the critical thing, and you have done that now - so well done ❣

I have had to build a support team into my life to get through this current situation .... I don't like what my chances might have been if I were trying to go it alone ....

Hi @Former-Member Happy Birthday

Getting used to access arrangements can be a real kil ler. Yet in the long term it does allow you to have rest and relaxation time so go with that... Even if paranoid thoughts interfer ... treat them as unwanted thoughts and work on nourishing you ... whatever .. on the doing ... at frist I get through accesses by doing all the house work while it was empty ... and put up the music loud to help give me energy to do it ... and then I had more time for my son when he was at home ..

There may be a bit of tug of war over the kids' interests ... I went with the well rounded approach .. a bit of sport a bit of art and science ... and there was enough looseness in my approach to prevent argument. That being said I am pretty annoyed that my ex .. his father .. taught him how to be trapped by technology .. not how to master it ... as IT person I had hoped he would do that .. maybe my son was too resistant to take on his father's ideas too ... he was resistaant to everybody ... made teaching him music .. even when he asked at 16 really tough ...

but be in there for the long haul for your kids ... pick the issues that are worth fighting for ... dont sweat the small stuff.

Some things about paranoid thoughts ... sometimes they are generated by a knowledge of fear ... so they can alert you to things that you might be able to develop strategies for .. not all paranoid thoughts are dissociations or unreal thinking. Its just when we project them onto people who are not the source of the fear experiences ... that they become unreal.

I was terrified about the effects of my family's dysfunction on my son ... but the truth is he has had to do his own growing up and he has turned out well and I am proud even if he is not in the mainstream.