Managing my Bipolar II

After a recent unusually long (4 months) bout of depression I'm (while joyously manic) on a mission to better manage my Bipolar II. As part of this I've realised that (1) it would help me to do some things differently and (2) my friends and family may want to support me but I need to make as clear as possible to them what my depression and mania 'looks like' and how they might choose to help.

Perhaps what I've written will be useful to some of you. I'd very much value any changes or improvements that you'd like to offer.

This is what I've written so far (sorry it's way long ):

Managing my Mania and Depression (as at 29 March 2017)

Mania

Affirmation: Buying ‘stuff’ when manic is in my past but I can choose to change this behaviour

What are the ‘red flags’ for my mania?

• Spending hours on the internet researching something to buy (reading reviews of what’s best; finding where to buy it at the best price, …)
• Believing that a purchase or activity is a ‘must do’ and, at speed, putting those ideas into effect
• Becoming irritated and turning off when someone suggests that what I plan to buy or do is a ‘bad idea’
• Going to bed at 1.00am or 2.00am in the morning
• Sending friends and family lots of emails on topics and opportunities that I believe will be of interest to them
• Making frequent posts on Facebook about things that I believe will be of interest to my followers (no, not in a cult sense)

For example: When recently buying a yacht (eek!) I was hoping to fulfil my need for Community (the friends I imagined would come sailing with me) and get Joy/Fun/Freedom (from the pleasure of the sailing itself). I wasn’t clear at that time about these hoped for needs nor that these needs might also be fulfilled in other ways.

What action might I take to minimise my manic behaviour?

• Ask myself:

1. How will this purchase/action bring me more happiness and joy/make my life more wonderful?
2. What am I hoping this purchase/action will bring me?
3. Is there another way to achieve this (borrow a friend’s, hire/rental, visit an art gallery, sail on a friend’s yacht, …)?
4. What might I do instead that will bring me the same joy and well-being?
5. I could buy this if I want to but do I really ‘need’ it?

• Don’t do stuff on computer after 9.00pm at night
• Be sure to get at least 8 hours sleep (go to bed no later than 10.30pm)
• When M (Manic Neil) is hugely enthusiastic about some future purchase/event use this enthusiasm to trigger the need for D (Depressive Neil) to be consulted and heard.
• Journal when M and D appear to be in battle: (a) as D write down my ‘jackals, feelings & needs’; (b) as M write down my ‘jackals, feelings and needs’; and then (c) see if I can come up with any strategies that can meet both M's and D's needs
• Find myself a ‘Mania Buddy’

What roadblocks can I foresee in taking any of these actions?

• …

How can I make it easier for others to offer me support?

• How can you tell if I’m manic or tending towards it (please tell me others that I haven’t realised).

1. You notice more than the ‘usual’ number of emails from me to you (yes, true, my ‘normal’ number may already be quite high compared with other people you know)
2. You notice more than the ‘usual’ number of postings to my personal or group Facebook page
3. You notice that I seem to be unusually busy doing ‘good stuff’ each week and making future commitments for more (yes, my base line for doing stuff is likely higher than many people [lucky me] but I also need quiet time to recuperate)
4. I have constantly changing enthusiasm for things – joining an intentional community, living on a yacht, walking naked in public (only kidding; just checking if you’re paying attention); …
5. You hear that I’m buying ‘stuff’ without convincing reasons why these things are, for me, compellingly useful/necessary/valuable/happiness-making (especially expensive ‘stuff’)
6. You hear that I’ve been going to bed late (after midnight) and/or not getting my required 8 hours of sleep
7. You learn that I’ve not been exercising my protective 4 or more days per week or meditating …)

• …

What sort of support would help me?

• Let me know when my behaviour seems somewhat manic/out of character (give examples; also see ‘red flags’)
• Be curious and empathetic while asking me (a) “How will this purchase/action bring me more happiness and joy/make my life more wonderful?”; (b) What need might it fulfil if I was to buy this ‘object’ or take this action? Or (c) How might I feel if I was to buy it?
• …

Depression

My depression usually isn’t the result of some negative event in my life. It (apparently) is caused by a change in my brain chemistry (as it mostly seems treatable by medication) and comes out of the blue.

What are the ‘red flags’ for my depression?

• Becoming strongly disturbed by noises (screeching birds in morning, dog barking, loud music videos at gym, …)
• Becoming afraid that a phone call or email or letter will place me in a position that I’m unable to respond to
• Negative rumination when I wake in the morning
• Dread of waking up in the morning to face another day
• Lacking enthusiasm to do anything; even things I usually enjoy

What action might I take to raise my level of happiness?

• increase the number and depth of my relationships (start a Bipolar Support Group)
• write a Gratitude Diary (daily)
• do regular exercise (5 times per week)
• practise mindfulness meditation (daily)
• unclutter my home (1 hour, 3 times per week)
• Practise guitar (most days)
• Be sure to get at least 8 hours sleep (go to bed no later than 10.30pm)
• Use CBT to write down my negative thoughts, classify them, and challenge their truth (daily)
• Keep a Jackal Diary and make entries each day that I later look at to see what my feelings and needs were/are.
• Find myself a ‘Depression Buddy’

What roadblocks can I foresee in taking any of these actions?

• …

How can I make it easier for others to offer me support?

• How can you tell if I’m depressed or tending towards it (please tell me others that I haven’t realised). Examples (also see ‘red flags’ above):

1. I go into my ‘man cave’ (because I don’t want to impose myself on others or be seen in a depressed state [for fear of being judged or not accepted])
2. I tell you I’m feeling depressed
3. I tell you, sadly, that I haven’t been doing much
4. You suggest we do something and I’m unusually reticent
5. I seem to have lost my usual enthusiasm for life
6. I seem more irritable than usual
7. The power of my voice is weak
8. If you meet me my body may be slumped and/or eyes down

• …

What sort of support would help me?

Depending on how low my mood is I may find it very hard to accept your offer of support (even while I realise how much I may like it [unlikely] and how it may raise my mood). It may be hard for you to decide between leaving me to my depression or finding some gentle way of cajoling me to say ‘yes’. You may even find it difficult to be ‘with’ someone who is manic or depressed.

• You might try to:

1. Chat with me by phone (even this I will find difficult when very depressed in mood)
2. Offer to accompany me in activities you know I might enjoy (see a movie; go to art gallery; go out for a coffee or meal; …)
3. Offer to go walking or cycling with me
4. Offer to go ‘cold water’ swimming with me (yes, I realise this is a very big ask, even for me)
5. Invite me over to have a coffee or meal
6. Offer to come to my place and just ‘be’ with me (even in silence).

• To have your best chance of me agreeing to your kind and considerate offer of support the words you use will matter. Perhaps say “What say I come over and we go for a walk or just have a coffee together?”. You might even risk going further and say: “I’m coming over and we’ll go for a walk or just chat. When today is a good time?”. It helps enormously if I’m diverted from my depressed state by social contact.
• …