14th year house bound

Good morning Karen my angel,

I hope you managed some rest last night, it was a big day for you yesterday and i just want to make sure you are ok, sorry bad choice of words, make sure you are safe.

i am always here if you want to vent my frind.

Take care, be safe

Jacques

Hi Anne, appleblossom and Nik

Thank you so much for the help and support, I am listening. Sometimes I am to overwhelmed to respond but I am here listening even if I cannot respond.

My daughter's are both medicated on anti depressants, I truly awfully decision to have to make.

The research is based upon unlocking the part of the brain that isn't used, the theory is that if this part of the brain is unlocked it will greatly help with their trauma.

The research comes from America.

It involves having to listen to specific music on a daily basis.

The psychologist is really pushing me to go ahead with it. Even though I've told her my concerns and that I don't want the girls put through that. Now I have to meet with the researcher.

I wish I could stand up for myself and be heard.

Anyway thank you.

Karen

Hi Jacques

Thanks for the support, I feel so overwhelmed losing another psychologist. I can't keep 're telling the same stuff over and over. I don't trust them and having them give up on me just causes my health to deteriorate.

I hope you are ok, thank you so much for being there for me when I really need support.

Can I sit for awhile I feel so low and empty, betrayed again by someone who gave me there word they would be able to help. Such a fool.

Karen

Hi My Angel,

Yes i hear and feel your pain, that is why i have been tought to trust no one, you are the only one i trust, and that has taken me a long time to accept, i don't know why i trust you, i suppose it is because i know you will always be their for me, i can't trust anyone else though.

Karen, i know how hard it is telling your story over and over, i have done the same, it is so exhausting and damaging to our MH, i just hope that one day you can find that right "professional" that will be able to stick with you and help.

Karen i am fine, a little down but i am managing. i have spent the whole morning pulling feathers out of a blanket, a feather doona had a hole in it and when i went to wash my bedding they feathers went everywhere, the blanket was a thick pile synthetic, so you could imaging how hard it was to pick feathers out with a pair of tweezers 2m X 2m, it was not a pleasent task.

YOU CAN STOP LAUGHING NOW!!!!!!

Karen please sit with me, i tell you what how about we share these, i will have the dark ones and you have the milk chocolate ones, oh i put bids on the Turkish delight. i love the stuff!!!!

Hey Jacques

Yes the mental image of you plucking feathers off a blanket with tweezers sure did bring a smile to my face. Thank you:-)

You are most welcome to all the Turkish delight you can eat, I'm not a fan.

I'm honored that you trust me J that is huge. I believe people earn trust certainly not something given to anyone.

That's why I get hurt when the psychologist won't see me anymore. I hadn't even got to the point of trusting this one. I couldn't even make eye contact.

Jacques you are the only person I trust, it's hard because I'm so scared of getting hurt.

I will not let anyone else in.

J I hope you day improves, thanks for the chocolates and allowing me to sit with you for a while. It means so much.

Take care

Karen

Hi My angel,

Yes it was quite a sight, i had feathers through my hair and all over my clothes, oh boy do they g everywhere, i am still picking them up off the floor.

I am so glad you trust me Karen, i will never hurt you, or betray your trust, we are friends forever.

Well i got some sleep this afternoon, but boy a massive panic attack. i read some distressing articles which may have been the trigger for the panic attacks.

I hope you rugged up today, it is freezing where i am today, so i could imagine it is really cold where you are.

i hope you and the girls found something to do today.

Well i am off to have some tea, bye for now, speak to you soon.

Take care be safe my angel

Jacques

Hi Jacques

I didn't do much today I've pretty much shut down. Mum's worried that I'm going to end up back in hospital.

Not really able to talk or do anything. I spent the afternoon in bed couldn't sleep anxiety too bad and awful involuntary muscle movements. I realized that I was holding my body rigid, unable to relax.

What a mess, so scared, how something so small can tip me over the edge.

Take care Jacques

Karen

Hi @hiddenite and @Jacques

I'm sorry to hear about how you have both been unwell. It sounds like you both really need to take care tonight. What are some of the ways you can practice self care tonight that you have found has worked in the past?

Dear Karen

It is sad that your daughter need medication but I hope it works out best for them, My daughters did not need it. My son has been on meds for 18 months, I was dreadfully upset.

I can understand why you dont want your daughters treated as guinea pigs ... but medical trials arent like they used to be ... the ethics committees are stringent ...I am a music teacher and applied music therapy in my studio.. it is not invasive or harmful. Why do you want to stand against that ... or is it that they generally do not respect you enough and you are trying to make a stand for your sense of respect as a mother?

I am not sure why you are so upset about that research..maybe just take it slowly and ask them to explain it properly to you so you are reassured it wont harm the children. If it is just about listening to music every day ...I am sure its not heavy metal music. It might become something that you can bond with the girls over ...

Music is one of the most magical of healers ... just trying to understand...

@hiddenite

I also hold myself rigid a lot everyday .. you are the first person you I have met who does that too ... been doing it for years ... started doing it in the car ... but learning to just notice and quietly let go .. .. til the next time ...