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utopiaSenior Contributor
So I arrived here at midday today.
Feeling a bit lost. Everything is so ... strange.
Not sure what to do now.
Starting to get a bit anxious. A bit teary. Trying hard not to think, or to feel.
Wishing I had a bourbon or some chips or junk food. Something to keep me busy and not feeling.
In response to: My Hospital Stay
BastSenior Contributor
@utopia@Former-Member
Hi Utopia
Thank you for being you. I am hearing your words so deeply - what is the point. And yet you have given me so much through your kindness and empathy about my huge loss of Bast. The pain and the grief are still so raw. Your words have helped indecribably. I get this I want to give up and have started self harming again as a way to ease the emotional pain. The husband has again told me this is intolerable for him.We are about to adopt a rescue Bengal - not a replacement for Bast ever. Odin needs a home - I can only justify the adoption because of this. Amongst the hardest words tumbling in my mind are the current statement "How do you expect to look after a cat when you can't even look after yourself." This so hurts. I know that he is afraid of another si incident, it is so damaging for me.
Fair enough, I just have not been able to fathom how he found out, the shame makes me hide this. I am also trying to cope with the nastiness of workcover, it is a lot like dealing with the ultimate beuracray and denial I think. They acknowledge the claim and then want more and more evidence and more evidence in order to be helped. from there the demand is high to commit to re-engaging with the place and the people that caused the damage.I simply cannot do that. I struggle with the documentation, visit the GP for more as requested and the never before experienced panic will destroy me for 3 + days as a result. Yep and then it gets so bad - self harming takes over.
Our adoptee is from the Aus Bengal Rescue society - beautiful people. I am anxious and worried that it wil not work out - and I have personalised the husband's comments - I am not competent. Perhaps he is right - however a very valuable life needs love, Utopia thank you for your kindness and support. I hope you can feel the shine of my admiration for you.
Regards Bastless and so afraid
In response to: My Hospital Stay
utopiaSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: My Hospital Stay
Unknown userMember
Hi @Bast - sorry for your loss. I lost one of my cats last year and it really broke my heart as she was only young. All my animals are rescue animals - it's a good and kind thing you are doing and cats aren't all that high-maintenance. As long as they are kept inside with a litter tray and food and a warm bed they are happy. If it doesn't work out someone else will take him/her. I'd love another cat. I don't think your husband's comment is very supportive. People self-harm for a number of reasons = anger, frustration, self-hate / punishment. Don't be so hard on yourself - it's nothing to be ashamed of. My psychiatrist tells me that one in ten people do it. Your husband's comments are probably from ignorance, people who don't go through SH and SI can't understand it. Someone I know described trying to explain severe depression to a non-sufferer as like trying to describe colours to a blind man. At least you're among supporters and empathisers here. I can relate to the workplace - after everything I've been through over the last eight months I'd settle for an apology but that would be an admission of guilt and they don't want to admit that despite evidence. Get yourself a good advocate or lawyer and it makes the process a lot easier. Don't be so hard on yourself and take care - you can get through this.
In response to: My Hospital Stay
utopiaSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: My Hospital Stay
soulSenior Contributor
Ohhhhh @utopia. Hope things get sorted for you soon. It can't be helping your state of mind.
In response to: Re: My Hospital Stay
Unknown userMember
Oh @utopia I'm sorry to hear about this. Let it out. Give us your online scream! AHHHHHH! Getting it out in a different way.
I'm glad you have the forums here to share this with. Fingers and toes crossed for you that things become to feel more managable soon.
In response to: My Hospital Stay
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
In response to: My Hospital Stay
utopiaSenior Contributor
In response to: My Hospital Stay
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: My Hospital Stay
BlueBaySenior Contributor
Hugs and love to you my friend @utopia
I'm really sorry you are struggling so miuch. I hope the calmer has settled you down a bit by now and that you are sleeping.
Thinking of you
BB xxxooo
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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