I WANT MY MUM!!!

Hello @Baileyboy this is a subject that causes me a lot of anxiety, and I cry as I read your post, I am fortunate that my mum is still with me, I live with her and she has had to deal with much hardship because of my mental illness but has been my biggest support, I cannot comprehend the day that she leaves the earth and I am sure I would not survive long after her, I was in quite a state last night and was talking with her and she said I don't know how I can help, all I can do is be here, but as you describe @Baileyboy they can be taken away from us at anytime, this was realised last year when my father died, he got out of bed at 7:30am went to the toilet and went back to bed at 8:00am my mum felt something was not right, went to check on him and he had died, we also went through the guilt that did we do everything right to try to save him, It was only the day before I walked past him in the garden and got further on and thought, I should have said something, warm day, something, because we never know how much longer they will be here.

I am so sorry @getbetter that my post may have upset you. But let me tell you more about losing both my dad and my mum. Totally different experiences, I might add.

Whenn dad died it was my mum who explained to my 9yr old me that my daddy had gone to heaven. I really didn't have to 'work it out', so to speak. But I still miss my "dad" times. It was him who introduced me to the mornings. Having to get to work at 5am he and I would share that time to have brekky, right down to him eating tripe (yuk) and making me torn up bread with warm milk ans sugar on it to look like I was sharing what he had. I was only 3 or 4 when this started. He took us camping and fishing and to RSL pinics, cause he was the president of the local RSL. He had been to WW2 and probably suffered from ptsd but it wasn't even known about then. But, my point is he and these memories will always be part of me. I will never lose my dad.. He would turn 100 next year!

Now, my mum...maybe harder because as you know our mums are always there for us...and may I begin to presume as with your mum, unconditionally. I could tell you hundreds, no thousands, millions even, memories of my mum, and the point I'm trying to make is that your mum, now and forever will always be yours and you her daughter whatever the circumstances. So cry at the thought of losing her but KNOW she will always be beside you, in front of you pulling you along if needed, pushing from behind when necessary and, let me assure you will always have a hand on your shoulder. Even when she says 'all' she can do for you is be there, well isn't that all we need from our mums. I know my mum supports me in MI journey ans sure sometimes it's harder without her physically being ther, I know she would want me to carry on, succeed even when somedays it's just on her memories.

When we lose our mums we think we will never survive, like you've probably read in my posts, but we do....we survive for ourselves and when we can't do that we survive for them, because they are always, as you yourself describe, want the best for us and are there for us. So, my advice, wise or not, ie CHERISH every moment with your mum, try not to dwell on whst it might be like when they are gone. Afterall it is a natural progression, however cold it may seem. She will always be with you to support you through your days and nights, no matter how you are feeling. You will always remember her advice and as you obviously do now, feel her unconditional love.

I think for me, mother's day has brought up a lot of issues, but your response has reminded me of my mum's longevity, dad's too for that matter. Share the day with your mum and if you can not find anyone thing to do for her, just do this...say " I LOVE YOU" because that's pretty much all they need, as you do too.

I'm going to take @Kurras advice(thanks by the way) and buy something for my mum which will mean something to me and her that I can use almost every day and just remember my own advice that I have sent to you @getbetter.

Take care my friend. Try not to cry for things that haven't happened yet and if you are going to dwell, like I am sure we all do at some stage, do it about ALL the good things...ALL of them. They will ALWAYS be there...! Hope tis helped, rather than upset you more.

Bb

Not sure if I can just pop in on a poat from days ago @Kurra but I wanted to let you know that your idea got me thinking...not really a slow thinker usually..ha.. but I wanted you and everyone else ie @outlander@outlander@getbetter@Queenie know that although my mum not being here is still tearing me apart I have formulated a plan, thanks to you all.

I bought a mug for us. It says " enjoy the little things ". Thay was mum and everyone, family and friends would know when they came to our house mum would start with " I'll just put the kettle on " and whatever neede to be talked about was talked about. My best friend said she never drank tea or became involved in so many discussions over tea until she met my mum. Just last Christmas I took this friend to a high tea and what did we talk about?....mum!

The other thing I am going to do is make a batch of scones. When our food cupboards were bare mum could always conjure up a batch of scones. She'd wrap them in a tea towel and place them on the table with butter and anything she could find and of course make a cup of tea. We had quite a few meals of scones. Could be a disaster because I've never made them but mum didn't have google either.lol

Anyway thanks to everyone. I hope all your mother's days, wherever you fit in brings at least some good memories. If you can't think of anything specific to brighten your day think of mr covered in flour...lol Warm wishes and thanks to you all.

Bb

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Just took your advice and will googled lemonade scones. Don't think I can even mess it up....even signed up for some free recipe subscription, like I don't need extra mail...lo.

Thanks again.

Bb

Was excited to have plannedour mother's day and everyone @outlander@Kurra@getbetter@Mazarita@Queenie have helped. Nothing could possibly upset the coming day...right?

I need help. A couple of hours ago I received a phonecall to let me know that the woman who was my neighbour from birth to 30 years, shared her daughter who was only one year older so was part of our family, ate with us, had a few drinks with mum each arvo, became reliant on me after her daughter moved away, who I took to all her appointments and out to lunch, who I talked to every week on the phone even when I wasn't well enough to physically help, and who got a UTI around Christmas time which put her into hospital, then into nursing home care and then into locked care, who I saw only 3 weeks ago has died. My 2nd mum has gone!

I do not think that I can handle this loss. I mean, we lost her a few months ago, I guess but I could have vivited her more often whether she knew me or not. They had her restrained in a room of dementia patients. She couldn't move herself away. I asked if I could push her away a little so we could talk. The staff agreed but said it was no use. But I sat with her and asked her questions about her life and she talked about everything. Noone had gotten anything from her since she was put in the locked ward and yet she and I had a positive visit. She didn't need to be restrained. Where the hell was she going to go? The poor woman was confused. I know the staff are under pressure. My sister is an RN at a local nursing home. The difference...she cares.

I feel so cold. I don't think I will ever be warm again. The tears come and go but they are selfish tears....surely she is in a better place but I am a selfish person. I didn't make enough effort to see her in this bloody horrible place, no I chose my own feelings and she, my 2nd mum was alone. Ypu know, her daughter who lives 5 hours away walked into the nursing home as her phone rang to tell her she'd gone. She missed being there by 20 minutes but after her last visit said that as sad as she was, she sat with her mum for 2 hours marvelling really at the loos of confusion, at the peace thay had descended and I know that feeling. After mum suffered her final stroke ans siezures she too looked peaceful, but again they are both gone....two of the most important woman in my life. I know she bacame demanding as she aged and a lot of the resposibility was put on me but I stepped back....why did I do that?

The funeral will be on Thursday and I will say goodbye to a lady they called Elizabeth, or Beth, or Betty but to me she was Bet. I am pleased she is at peace, out of that humiliating place but I miss her and I wasn't there for her when it mattered. I told my sister to remember her as she had last seen her not as I had seen her in her confusion, probably medicated aswell. I can't seem to get that restraint out of my mind

Haven't even got a decent supply of meds to sustain sleep and I knoe feeling numb is not the answer but neither is going into a fetal position wishing that it isn't true. I told her daughter thet I would pick her up from the train on Tuesday and go to talk to the priest and anything else that needed to be done but it's not enough.

IT'S NEVER ENOUGH! I will never be enough.

BLOODY MOTHER'S DAY. How can I both celebtate my mum as planned and mourn my Bet? Maybe bed sounds like an option. Time to opt out of the world for a bit... just have to somehow organise my 4 legged friends for the day. It's not like my sister will think of any one but herself.. See, now I've become just yuk... that's me, gives the kiss of death to everyone who matters in my life and as I said just yuk.

No use asking why and as a wise person once told me " no use praying when you need real help". Sorry guys @outlander@Kurra@Kurra@getbetter@Mazarita@Queenie probably not worth helping anyway. I will leave you all alone.

Bb