sharonaContributor
is depression catchy?
My nickname used to be bouncy,mainly because of being full of life and love. Now,I have gradually list my passion for anything. Yesterday..the last text message I saw was ' why don't you have any proper knives in this house?' (you can guess why) and today when I got home from work,a bit late because I was too exhausted to face the journey and I knew what I would have to face at home,I just missed a call and cautiously checked his room to see if it might have been him.A shadow of a body in the bed and his voice says only.."I don't want to talk.". Yip,I'm home. Clothes in the loungeroom and unclosed packets everywhere. I collapse exhausted from being falsely positive for everyone at work all day. Collapse on my bed too tired to eat. At some point my son goes to the bathroom and opens the door to say,What's the point of ever saying anything to you ever again?What can change?, said with such agony and pain.Door shuts before I find a response. Of course, after years of living with this, and losing the capacity to do anymore hung but work and deal with this,I am showing signs that aI would describe as depression I some one else. It seems to be catchy. But I am not allowed to da I am depressed,because apparently,I have no idea what That realm is. However,I have left st the joy of life and I think about my own suicide,just think,more and more often.It's kind of natural if you're only child is a mess and there's nothing I seem capable of doing to help. The blame ( direct and indirect) is getting to me. My last friend (meaning person who would listen or respond when my son was suicidal around me)seems to have decided to ignore all such messages. She only answers when I send something trivial about weather or gossip. My mother didn't respond to an email I sent,even though I rarely mention the situation,in a heavy way. So, there is no one left that I can be in any way honest about my real life. Thwy have happy lves and dont want to hear my unhappy reality.
