im back..... i think

Thanks @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope

Shaz51 - kids are exhausting to look after. I am exhausted just after a few hours with my friend's kid! So to have a childcare man that is exhausting work! Good on you.

@outlander - must be hard when your mum pushing you to go clean the paddocks. Is there an ability to avoid them, ie go when they aren't there? Or it would be too difficult. Be great if we had some form of device like horses have - those things at the side to block their vision. Be real handy for you possibly now!

Hi @outlander,

I'm sorry to hear that you're still having overwhelming feelings.

What's happening?

ohhhhh @outlander, what happened, I am here for you and @CherryBomb is here too

i cant do this anymore @CherryBomb

Did anything happen today to trigger this?

Will send you an email, can you get back to me please.

What has happened @outlander ....your family on the forums are here xx

@CherryBomb@Anony18@Former-Member@Shaz51

I know people on here have said to just take the step back from the bullies and to just not worry about them. But its me who has to live with this- I dont even know what I did.
I cant go to my horses anymore because it causes me to to much anxiety and this one one thing that use to help me get through the tough times and where I could feel safe and now its been taken away from me.
Ive tried to push past this but I cant escape it. This is life and I need to go there by myself tomorrow to do the small pony in the yard. I havent done him for 3 days because I cant get myself down there because of this.

I told my mother the concerns I have- I said to her ive been waiting for the girls to get home so I can take them down with me as I dont want to go there by myself because if they are there
and she pretty much just told me to get over it and just go there

its not that easy- they dont stare at her and over exagerate their laughs from across the paddock so they make sure I can hear them. They snear at me when they walk past me or they have a very rude mannor around me even when im just sitting or standing holding my horse not even near them
theres 2 gates and they are closer to one while im at the other gate and they deliberatley walk through the gate that im standing near instead of taking 5 steps towards their own gate

they rudley nearly hit one of my horses the other day because I was in the way and instead of asking me to move they just kept inching their car closer- I know they wouldnt have hit them but its beside the point

I offered to help them with their horses and they turned it around and did some thing to annoy and and it was directed directly at me
and then they made fun of my riding and training skills- long story
my horse riding was the only thing I had left that I had abit of faith in- not that I thought I was good to start with but besides the point- that I was doing soemthing good, succeeding at something and now thats been taken away from me

we use to compete out horses together at horse shows- we both havent been for a long time now and the way its going I will never be going again. But we use to compete and we always congratuated each other when we beat each other and I was always happy for her as she worked hard for it

when I won- well she wasnt too happy but we didnt stop being friends. Now everytime I ride she makes me doubt myself so baad or always tries to compete against me and not in a fun way either, shes even getting someone to worj on her horse at the moment and she kept deliberatley coming near me nd smirking as if to say haha I have a better horse than you- hands down she does with the horse I have at the moment but im also doing this on my own she has a lot of people helping her with her horses- and when I say deliberatey I mean it im at one corner no where near where she is and when I start coming in she will take up the whole room and pretty much get in the way of what im doing

I deleted them off facebook to just try sort it out abit without getting to angry at what they were doing and now they have both blocked me and I know they are talking about me now because any contacts that were mutal friends with me are now gone too

I use to talk to one of them everyday and we would stay at each others houses. We were ike sisters if not closer than sisters. We use to talk about everything, everyday. We would go camping with each other and her dad taught me how to go fishing and then we went away for a week with her and her family. And now its nothing but torment.
I hate dealing with this- its really defeated me

I never though I would let a bully/ies get to me but they have and badly. I cant even see their name now.
I know I should just get over it and ignore them but it hasnt worked so far so I doubt itll work in the future as it just seem to keep getting worse. Her mum use to talk to me and guess what now she doesnt she avoids me pretty much at all costs

I have to do this horse tomorrow but im too scared to even go there by myself but I calso cant stand that the horse is suffering too now and I never ever do that- to me my horses come before my feelings but at the moment I cant do it