im back..... i think

Thank you for letting me know what it was you were worried and annoyed about @outlander, I can understand it being both (your Sister being in your car a lot, where you are keeping your personal things). Does your car have a 'boot' that you can lock those things into, or does the glove box lock? Perhaps you could look into a lockable box, I do think it's important to have somewhere to keep your private papers and things. If you were able to get a lock box (maybe even a lockable suitcase from a second hand store?) that was portable, you might be able to keep your things in your room with you.

I've had panic attacks just about everywhere I think outlander. I definitely notice it in my breathing, it becomes very short and shallow and there feels like a band pulling tight around my chest, it's very uncomfortable, I get very dizzy. I suffered a lot of nausea for a long time, had myself convinced it was stomach cancer or something - but I wouldn't be here now if that was the case. I also worry whether the things I see and hear are actually real, and it seems to make my panic worse - though I probably look like I'm calm, almost vacant of emotion . . . it's like I freeze. So I think I understand a little.

It's different when I'm around people. I just can't think, if I have to answer a question or something, I hear this childlike voice, but it's coming from me. Then the crying and shaking begins and it makes me angry with myself, but there's nothing I can do about it, except cry and shake even more. I've been ripped off many times, because if I'm not pushed to the point where I'm crying and shaking, I just smile like a Cheshire cat - no information really goes in and I think some people clue onto that rather quickly. I think those people assume that I'm stupid and take advantage of the fact.

Your reactions are a very individual thing, although they tend to group people with similar problems into brackets, it doesn't make you any less you. You've mentioned health anxiety, that's one I haven't had thrown at me. Though my Grandmother, Mother and Brother all passed away whilst suffering cancers. I don't know whether anxiety is really my problem, it's more an inability to trust, an inability to believe anything positive in my life and a constant suspicion that someone or something is 'out to get me'.

But I know I'm a lot better now, I have gained a lot more calm in my life in the past decade or so. I've realized it was worth the battles for a sleep pattern, remembering to eat and to choose healthy foods, and the biggest battle for me was the battle of the booze - my life is so much better for all those battles.

Keep battling outlander, it really is worth it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Your efforts will be rewarded

Good Morning @outlander Today is another day, another chance for good experiences 🙂 Wishing you the best of them XxX

Hi @outlander

Obviously there is something happening somewhere in your body to make you so ill all the time - but it's a good thing there is nothing wrong atm that they have found - maybe it is mostly stress related - I can tell you that the last couple of years of my son's life I was so stressed out I was ill so much of the time I was so thin it was scary and painful - and I was ill - really sick - some days I found it really hard to just get on with my life

It's so different now

But I would be seriously pissed if I had no place to keep my private stuff - you are an adult and entitled to that - your mother is not really doing her job to keep your cotten-picken-chicken-plucken little sisters mitts off your private stuff - sheesh - maybe you need to find a place off site like a locker at the local sports centre or somewhere - Niqua's idea of a locked box is one idea - but those locks can be picked

How come your sisters can get into your car - do you have a set of private keys or one of those electronic keys that you alone have the use of - and you might have to sleep with them under your mattress but hey - everyone needs privacy - no wonder you are so tense

Thinking of you

Dec

Hi @outlander - just catching up here. You been on my mind alright. Hoping that you are alright all yesterday and right now.

I have had panic attacks and meltdowns in the shower. For me I think it's my main place of solace as am alone. I will say given everything you been going through physically, mentally and emotionally you having the panic attack would not be out of ordinary. To be honest what is ordinary these days.

Hope today you are feeling slightly better. You are worth everything and mean a lot to your friends in the forums xx

Hi @Owlunar@Former-Member
thank you for both your msgs- good morning to you and now good afternoon

my glove box doesnt lock
and my boot has the spare wheel which I wouldnt see a reason for them going in there but they keep going into my centre console and my glove box
yeah that panic attack was strange- I think all of the stress is still getting to me
im still Battling Queeta- im still here I think

I think it really is all that stress causing all that pain and even despite having anti-nausea tablets twice a day its still there. Yeah I get the weight loss thing when stressing- it has worked to my advantage but I dtill get it and how quickly it does drop off

its extrmeley annoying having no where personal- the only reason my phone and computer is safe when im not around is its password protected otherwise im sure they would snoop through that as well
lol thats a big frustrated work Dec
I cant keep moving my things around- I literally live in my car because of my private things. I hate it when other people go into my car and drive it esp when im not there. I think my sisters do it deliberatley and they always snoop when im on my computer and on my phone which makes it hard to come onto these sort of sites or do my work or anything at all for that matter- even if im drawing they will come over and see what im doing- I literally never have any privacy at all.

My sisters can get into my car because they travel with me everywhere and my keys are remote control. It would probably be pretty suss and they would be more inclined to look if I said stop going into my car
I yelled out yesterday ill get mums card out of my car as I brought dinner and we used her card- )her shout) and I said ill get ti and my sister went and got it but she was in there for ages- it was easy to see and wasnt hiding- ti woudlve taken a minute max including walking out to it and back

my matress is a bunk bed and im on the top- and they have their stuff underneath there so nope no room again

yeah another kinda quick check in so im not dead- yet

@Anony18 youve been in my thoughts too- you hadnt been on much and was wondering how you are going

yeah i know- what is ordinary- i dont know anymore

having them in the shower is weird- i need space to myself and i like being in there for as long as i cant be but as soon as i got in there it really hit me really really hard and i havent had a dissociation like that before