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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Love and hugs to you, @CheerBear. Hearing the hurtful hard stuff around you at the moment. Hoping the sads pass very quickly too.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear This is a twisting up and down journey you are on, I wish it was different, but it's not, and it sucks big time. I know the falling getting up falling getting up and and. It's so very very hard, and at times @CheerBear i stay in my pit because it's the only safe place I know. Yes uncomfortable, yes dark, but I don't have the energy. But time goes on and a little light, oh how good that feels, and how far that tiny light shines.

Im listening with an open heart, hurting right beside you. You have LF, I have Furbaby, that's why we keep walking. Rest is good if you can. Take care.☔️☔️🌺🌺

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

“I try to remind myself that things like this need to leave out the parts that would say that, despite all of the horrible, there's great too.”

Mind if I gently say this for you @CheerBear ..... ?

There is great in mine too, you know ..... and things greatly achieved ..... and these things count, they matter, you matter ...... your little fish are there to say that you matter in ways that are irrelevant to NDIS, because NDIS is a machine, a system ..... it’s not connected people in relevant relationships, it’s a means to an end ..... a sort-of up-turned exam where wrong is right and right is wrong ..... through the looking glass stuff ..... but that is a machine that can help you live your real-life life with LF.

I will be stepping up to NDIS for my D2. Just haven’t got there yet. And on paper she will seem much less than she is, because paper doesnt contain heart and soul that can’t be documented and measured, but the same machine will serve her too .....

Hugs and heart-feels, and seeing the great amongst the not-so-great, because the great can’t be hidden from eyes that can see it .... hearts that can feel it ..... and care that lives it .....

❤️❤️❤️

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

A very teary thank you, heaps. Hearing yours words and feeling the support, and appreciating it lots.

I'm really tired in lots of ways and I've found things very hard to manage this afternoon because of it. Afternoons and evenings like this show me how much I needed that break. I think it could have really helped me. But there's no point in sitting with that one for too long either, because it's pretty pointless to think about now.

I need to sleep it off (starting in a few hours if I can stay awake or otherwise tomorrow will start for me before today is over :face_with_rolling_eyes:), and try again tomorrow I think.

Thank you again ❤

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hugs @CheerBear .... 🌈💕

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Before LF wake up. Here's morning coffee in bed. 💕💜

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

And it's warming up my toes too 😊 Thank you @Maggie. I couldn't reply properly last night to say how much I understand staying in your pit. And how much that little light feels so good when it's so dark, I agree.

I went looking for some mug hugs doing something aside from the two photos I can find of them on Google but I couldn't find any more. I found these for you though and they made me smile and think of you.
With you also Maggie.
You gave me tears, in a really nice way last night @Faith-and-Hope. I need this support as it is a big part of why I am able to keep on going and to stay away from people making decisions for me. It will help me pick apart the bigness of it all too, so it is more manageable. It really matters to me that this goes through, and things that matter are often tricky (grrr to everything seeming to matter though). Thank you for seeing that it's an upturned exam, and for seeing good too ❤. I really hope the process with D2 is smooth going for you both. There's a lot of difficult about it
I didn't sleep well again last night. I seem to be OK with sleep for the first small part of it, and then something goes amiss. It's either nightmares, panic, getting tangled in my blankets, or just finding myself wide awake. I woke feeling pretty miserable but was lucky to find company in the little hours, which helped lots (❤ @Mazarita). Today is going to be a quiet day. I'll do the little housework I have before the kids go to school and then spend the rest of the day with some furballs. I'll submit my application with my MH worker today too then I can put it out of mind. Appointments with my MH worker often help, plus she won't mind me being a teary mess in my pjs with my blanket cape on if that's how I am.
Hope the day starts well for anyone who catches this. Thank you for the space to share 💛

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Love the coffee mugs. I found some you might like, or not. Sending thoughts your way. 💕🙃💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I love them @Maggie 😊 They're so snuggly looking. Thank you.

Hope there's some good in your day today ❤

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just dropping into the nest to say hi 👋 and it’s lovely to see you posting here @CheerBear and receiving some well deserved support.

Hi @Maggie 👋 and other nesters.

Ive had a strange couple of days, think I’ve been hiding in the nest where you couldn’t see me. I woke up today feeling a little human and motivated to do some things. That’s been quickly followed up with me doing some very scatterbrained things 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:. I’ve come here to try to collect my thoughts and start again. At least I’m looking for up I suppose.

Sending hugs to anyone in a nest.

Something to decorate the nest along with the cosy mugs and foot warmers

I found these for keeping nesters warm.

And these for a laugh.....well I giggled at this photo.

💜🤗

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