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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
Hiya @Former-Member😊 Oooh I'm looking forward to seeing penguins! And seeing the photos over on that side of the forum ⬇️ that @Shaz51 has inspired tonight!
We found treasure in a way! The wind picked up and we had to a dash and run pack up job. I was driving (I got about 2 streets) when I thought something was wrong because I couldn't really focus my eyes. Which is when it clicked that I had left my glasses behind somewhere on a big, packed stretch of sand with a tide coming in quickly! So we went on a treasure hunt in the form of "ruuuuuuun and find mum's glasses" and we found them 😆
Hope your day has been an ok one for you? Lovely to see you (as always) 💗
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
lol @CheerBear😄 so glad you found your glasses! a nice memory to have.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Yay for the swim and the beach @Former-Member! Does it feel good to have gone out and done that now? I can find it hard sometimes to get up and about (especially when the littles are less than thrilled about going somewhere too) but it often feels better once I/we have done it.
Glad you're feeling a bit better than yesterday 💗
Yep hopefully early night here. They're watching a movie and then it will be bed for them. I won't be too far behind them.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Can't believe I got to the car and then drove those streets before even noticing @Former-Member😂 So bad!
Hope you and yours had an ok afternoon and you got what you needed to get done at work? Sucks that you had to go in on the weekend :face_with_rolling_eyes:
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
glad you found them @CheerBear
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
It’s the first ok day I’ve had in a really long time @CheerBear Feeling like I’ve actually achieved something different for a change. I’m glad you found your glasses. 😀🤓🏖
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
That is so seriously awesome @Former-Member! Really great to hear 😊 You did really well especially after the day you had yesterday! Go you 💕💗
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
By the way @CheerBear The buns I baked were IKEA buns 😂 ☕️
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I'm crawling into the nest as I'm feeling sad.
This morning I had an appointment with my psych who was "creative" with Medicare so we could have an appointment sooner than next month (thankfully). We spoke about NDIS docs, a possible DSP application, the employment services thing c-link want me doing, and me returning to study. That mix itself is a head mash so it was good to be able to pick it apart a bit.
My psych said that they had no doubt that with the documents they (and their partner the not-a-teddy-but-turned-out-to-be-a-teddy-psychiatrist) can provide, they could prove that I have a permanent, severe, psychosocial disability and that I would be eligible for a good chunk of support because of it. They also believe that I meet the DSP requirements on the basis of impairment based on mental health disability alone, and the physical stuff would just add to it. They then said that what I am required to do for uni to complete the very small amount I have left, was too big and too much to consider and unless I could lower those requirements, which I can't, it is not going to happen. Instead we spoke about transferring my course, appling for recognition for prior learning (and therefore losing a big chunk of what I've already completed) and moving to another course where I can tiny baby step it over a long period of time. This uni thing is pretty crushing as I was months off finishing my degree when "it" happened. It took years and years of hard work to get to where I was, and I was there - right there. It was so close.
The appointment this morning now has me feeling like I've said goodbye to hope in lots of important ways. Permanently impaired, unremitting, lifelong - they're not hope words. In a way I feel relieved that I will have the support to help me over the line with this paperwork, but in so many bigger ways there is no relief in that reality. That's a hopeless, dark, "what's the point in trying" reality (or it feels like that right now).
I don't know how to be ok with this. Even though I can see the reason it needs to be done, the potential support/stability etc that could come from it, and it's not like I am really that surprised by it (though maybe I was kind of hoping to hear "you've totally got this uni/fixing life/getting better thing"), it feels like a big blow. It's very hard not to wonder why bother even trying to get better when it seems like better is not going to be a thing, or at least not a thing for a very long time.
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