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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
Looove the condiment kitchen @Zoe7 .... ❣️ Looks like I am going to be visiting @CheerBear often in The Octagonal Room .... find out what kitchen experiments are happening there .....
In response to: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Good evening @CheerBear,
I was so so SO excited to hear how well your appointment went today. I think this is a super cool example of the value of waiting until Monday to deal with Monday's muddles. That which seemed so super impossible on Friday, turned out to be super doable on Monday - yay!!!
PTSD to C-PTSD sounds like a good way forward (despite face palming at the fact that C-PTSD isn't technically a formal diagnosis - silly DSM-V people!!!).
I was on a mood stabilizer for a few years to help me get through Operation Dissertation. I found it really helpful for a long time and then it just didn't really do anything for me any more and I prefer to stop taking something at that point rather than increasing the dose. I would certainly be open to going back on it though if I thought it would be helpful. I've always been really lucky and never had bad side effects from medications. But then, maybe that's because I'm so against just constantly increasing dosages.
I super hope the plumbing adventure ends up going as well as this adventure did. Yay for the clever person who invented mops.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Yay for mops @Phoenix_Rising😄 And zombie unicorn dresses with pockets which is where a Tiny Turtle was placed today which was so helpful 😉
It's so great to find helpful helping people! The annoyingness of the DSM-V led to him talking about ICD-10 and the whole enduring personality change thing. This is ok and something to work with. Big thanks for your wisdom also - it definitely stuck 🙂
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear I am curious to hear what he said about the enduring personality thing (if you want to share)? Did he talk at all about BPD and his thoughts about that vs c-PTSD? It really does super bug me that they didn't change the name of BPD to C-PTSD in the DSM-V. Have you ever looked at the ICD-10? It is a much simpler system than the DSM-V. It's available online. To me, the sheer size of the DSM-V suggests a problem with it - soooooooo many labels and boxes!
In response to: I'm in a nest
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@Phoenix_Rising when do we get to hear about your great world changing adverture from today. I'm just about busting at the seams wit excitement!
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@Sans911 I just started a thread about my adventure over in the social spaces space.
I wasn't world changing today - tomorrow and Wednesday are world changing days. So...basically the whole world should be changed by Wednesday evening.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@Phoenix_Rising - you know how sometimes the forum can be kind of annoying because you just really want to see see people on it (I'm not sure if you know this feeling but I get it lots)? I feel so very much like that right now because I feel very close by but so far away from you all of a sudden. Your adventure is the highlight of my day!
Psychiatrist spoke about how personality changes can happen after long term trauma, and that's about as much as I can share tonight. I'm going to see psych on Friday and I think we might go into this one more now I am a little more open to talking about this. I have looked at the ICD, not very thoroughly though, and am doing more looking tonight, specifically around EPCACE. We didn't speak about BPD and C-PTSD. My psych's views have really hit a nerve with me before with it and he thinks they're different. Being psych and psychiatrist are partners, i wasnt hugely keen on starting our meeting with something that I think could have turned into a heated conversation (or a flip out from me) if they shared the same view 🙂
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear I can definitely hear you and feel the feelings regarding feeling closer and yet further away right now. I did think a lot about how much to share of my adventure, and those feelings were a part of that. It felt strange today at the aquarium, knowing that I was walking in a space where you had walked.
However, really, I am right where I always am - in your pocket or in your handbag. I'm right there.
It sounds like you were very much in wise mind during your appointment today - knowing what would be helpful to say and what may not be so helpful. I am so very very pleased that the appointment went so well.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
If this is how our oceans have collided, I'm really thankful for this. I'm so glad we can be together-but-not @Phoenix_Rising.
Night
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Good morning @CheerBear,
My inside is telling me that you are having a tricky time at the moment. I'm hoping my inside is having a malfunction, but I know I can generally trust it. So, whatever is happening in your world right now, don't forget that I know without knowing and I am right there with you just the same as always. You've got this!
I am about to eat ridiculous amounts of food and then go and change the world.
I super hope today has lots of good in it for you @CheerBear. And regarding any not-so-good bits that come your way, you've got this! You can do this. WE can do this. Whatever "this" may be, we can do it - together-but-not.
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