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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

More hugs to you, @CheerBear.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

And more hugs @CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sorry to hear that @CheerBear.
Thinking of you ❤️

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBearyes there are certainly bad times for these things to happen. Big hugs for you, sometimes it is just super hard

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear 💛💛💛💛💛

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you Faith-and-Hope, Mazarita, Maggie, catcakes, Nell23 and outlander.

Big struggle night tonight. I'm flooded (in the words of someone wise and actually flooded). I'm so tired and so not up to dealing with this one.

Water must have leaked between the laminate of the bench and been soaked up by the bench. I have no idea how or when it all came out but it couldn't have been too long ago as it's an often used cupboard. The shelves are warped (as is part of the bench) and rotting but there's been some plastic stuff put over it so I hadn't noticed until I took it off to clean it and it started falling apart. The back wall, which I can't usually see as it has pots and pans in front of It, is water damaged. I thought the slightly funky smell was old dark cupboard smell but it probably wasn't just that and now I feel silly that I missed it. It's messed up and I have a feeling the owner is going to lose it, particularly given the toilet also needs fixing (again - he's already "fixed" it a few times :face_with_rolling_eyes:). The owner is so scary and his repairs are so dodgy 🙁

I have nowhere to put our stuff that was in the cupboard and no bench space to wash it all without getting more water into the cupboards, and our kitchen is teeny tiny in terms of space so it's taking up all of our dining room table. I don't think I'll be able to get hold of anyone until Monday and I have an appointment I need to get to. I'm not sure which one is more important as they both seem pretty seriously important. The house is school holiday messy after weeks of kids being home and there's no way I am having the owner here until it's a bit tidier anyway, which I am running low on energy to do.

Things are pretty ugh tonight 🙁 Thanks for listening to a vent.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBearhaven't got any answers but acknoweldge how difficult it is for you at the moment. Vent as much as you need to. Super big hugs coming your way

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Vent away @CheerBear things sound really hard atm. Maybe you can get LF to help with the house? and then see the landlord even though hes scary
Sending lots of hugs 💜💙💚

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Double, triple, QUADRUPLE UGH!!!!!!!!!!! A long-weekend bus is so so so not ok @CheerBear - especially one that happens without you even leaving home. I so totally get the not-being-able-to-cope-with-this-right-now feeling. I can feel the big feelings around this and I so super badly wish I could buy you and your LF a house of your own.

I see you have received lots of hugs here this evening. That's not really my thing (I know, I know, you didn't know that until right now!!!), but I am so very glad that I am right there with you. This sucks. This so so so sucks. I feel all the sick anxious feelings. I feel the it's-not-fair feelings. I feel the I-just-can't-win feelings. I feel the I-so-badly-wish-I-wasn't-so-alone-right-now feelings.

I super hope you are sleeping now - or at least resting. We will deal with this bus the same way we deal with all our buses - moment-by-moment, together-but-not. Think of all that we have survived together but not since our oceans collided. We can handle a bit of water too. We've got this.

Ps. Did you notice that you announced you were flooded while talking about a plumbing issue? I had to think for a moment about whether the flooding was due to the big feelings or the actual literal water in your house. There is definitely something deeply ironic about being flooded by a plumbing bus!!! (Hopefully if you are crying right now, you may perhaps be having a little laugh-cry). You've definitely got this. We've got this. Perhaps the pocket crew and I can have a swim in the cupboard...

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

We just cross posted in a nest and in an ocean by the look of it @Phoenix_Rising 🙂 That makes me feel very togetherish. Thank you. Big thank you. I'm feeling a little more like sleep can happen after doing lots of stuff to ride it out.

And yes, I laugh cried at flooded by flooding 😉 And then at the cupboard swimming.

Night and thanks again all 🙂
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