@CheerBear I giggled when you described how I popped up while you were doing the washing up. I got a funny image in my brain of me popping my little turtle head up through the plug hole in the sink. 
I have to say, I LOVE that you were able to use "soul" and "sole" correctly in the one sentence. I'm not sure if you were in on the conversation I had with @Former-Member the other day about how grammatical errors drive me nuts. I work super hard at ignoring them in any social context (mostly because my uni counsellor told me it was socially inappropriate to correct them)...but secretly they still super bug me. So...I think I like you just a tinsy tiny bit more for having been able to use "soul" and "sole" correctly. 
I feel sad that you experience guilt and shame on top of your already big muddle. I don't have kids so I don't feel like I can truly relate to what you are saying. However, I understand that kids are a double-edged sword - super amazingly wonderful, but also super amazingly hard work. I think it is totally understandable that sometimes even the LF may not seem like a big enough reason to stay alive. I guess that just shows how big the muddle is. However, I'm guessing that there are only SOME times when they don't seem like a big enough reason. I'm guessing there are other times when you look at them and know they are definitely worth staying alive for. That's the problem with suicide - it's a long-term solution to a short-term problem. That's why I choose to ride the waves - I know they pass.
The break place sounds really good. I wonder if they exist in NSW. I get the sense that NSW is behind other states (especially Victoria) when it comes to mental health. Is the break place for anyone with mental health issues, or is it for a specific cohort (e.g. survivors of DV)? I'm glad turtles are welcome. I'm sort-of looking forward to it now. It will let me see another way of how people with mental health issues are supported. We will have to keep notes so we know what does and doesn't work for when we set up our respective safe places when we each find a few million dollars in the gutter. 
It amused me a bit that you are now wondering if you will pass the assessment to get into the rest place. Two weeks ago the muddle was that you didn't need support and catts were poking and prodding at you. Now you are seeking support and wondering if you will "pass" to get accepted. Yep, the absurdity of the system is alive and well - as evidenced by this absurdity, along with the rest of what you described in your post regarding today. Don't ask for help and you'll be hassled. Ask for help and you'll be ignored. Such a very very mixed up system.
Yes, I really am VERY grateful for my GP and A. As my relationship with A develops, it gives me a glimmer of hope that I might yet find a a way to keep on keeping on after X happens. That is why last week's adventure was such a terrible setback. Things actually were starting to improve...and then I got smashed. X really is going to be a very very VERY difficult event to keep living beyond. However, as each week passes, I start to think I will be able to live beyond it. It was in December, when I was already in extreme crisis and before I'd found A, that X first presented as an issue. From there, it went from looking like X could be easily resolved, to it looking like X was going to come to fruition within weeks, to now when I have no idea when X will happen. Hopefully it is months, or even possibly a year or two away. But it could happen very suddenly within weeks. That is why I (and my GP and A) are working on a bit of a tight schedule in terms of getting somewhere in sorting out my muddle. I don't need everything fixed by the time X happens, I just need to have SOME sort of hope for the future. Sorry for being so cryptic. I just don't want to share this particular event on the forums because I don't want people then asking for updates on the situation. I have shared it privately with CherryBomb and Luna, and both my GP and A also know. I just really don't want to field questions about it here on the forums.
I'm going to sign off for the night now. Thank you for being you too @CheerBear. I super like you. There are currently 7.5 billion people on the planet and not one of them can be more you than you. You are the ONLY person out of the 7.5 billion people on the planet right now that can be you. That's pretty cool. Goodnight my not-friend. 