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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear a quick fly-by to say hi and hope you have had an ok day with LF

I am watching Trolls Holiday - it makes me think of you so thought I'd stop by to deliver a little christmas sparkle....

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear,

Yay for synchronised Forum Land time!!!!

I am busting to see the picture.

A zombie unicorn dress sounds amazing!

Were the LF happy with whatever Santa brought them?

I don't have any boxing day traditions aside from eating whatever Christmas food I still have.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Zoe7 it's great to see you 😊 Thank you for coming by. We've had lots of great in our day thanks. I hope you've had some good (or better) too.

@Phoenix_Rising it's the best dress! The LF were really happy. All have eaten too much and been running around since early ☺

We have food and chill out tomorrow as our tradition.

Heading off as I am really tired and my plus three are feeling it too now (and it's coming out in behaviour). I might read Giraffes Can't Dance to chill them out. Clown fish knows it and said it is the loveliest book ☺

Night!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good evening @CheerBear and anyone else in the nest tonight. I am just doing a quick fly-by. I hope you have had a nice day - I have. My world is so so quiet now...and that's ok. It truly does seem to me that my soul died when my turtle whisperer dumped me. I simply don't feel anything anymore. How utterly absurd is it that she dumped me two days before I saw TTT for the first time. FINALLY I found someone who I truly think could have helped me...but my soul died two days before I got to meet her. I still think she can help me to create a life worth living, but as to what that life will look like, I have no idea. All I know is that it won't include any close interpersonal relationships!

Anyway, moving on...

I SUPER love the unicorn snot, @CheerBear. That made me laugh a lot!

Guess what? This time next week the regular SANE moderators and @NikNik and @Former-Member will all be "home." I can survive a week of everything-feels-different-itis. I super can't wait until they are home though.

Bye for now.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Phoenix_Rising 🙂

Thanks for flying by. It's so great to see you. I think of you lots and lots and wonder how you're getting on.

It's been a nice day thanks, though we have had a couple of little hiccups as happens when people are around people for a little while (or it does in my experience).

I have no idea at all how Turtle Whisperer dumping you could have happened as it did. January really wasn't far away and two days before you met TTT is just what the? 😞

I am looking forward to the world being a little more back to normal in lots of ways too and can understand how tricky things feeling different can be.

Hope you enjoyed your left over prawns. I had a delicious fruit salad today which would almost be the highlight of my day 🙂

One more week - you can do that! And then it won't be long until you see TTT again.

Night Phoenix_Rising 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, you know what's really funny? When you get to Westfield at 7.30am thinking the shops open at 8am...and then you discover that although Westfield itself opens at 8am, none of the actual shops open until 9.30am. I know, I know, I bet you wish you were as clever as me! 😆😆😆

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hahaha! That's so much something I would do @Phoenix_Rising. Are you heading home or waiting it out?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hello nest. Hi @CheerBear and @Phoenix_Rising. I hope the day has been a calm one for all. Wishing everyone a peaceful evening. 🌷

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Former-Member ☺

It makes me smile seeing you! How have you been (totally ok not to answer)? Hope you and Edie-fish are ok enough ☺

Did you get to the shop when it was open today @Phoenix_Rising? 😆

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good evening @CheerBear @Former-Member and anyone else in the nest.

@CheerBear Yep, I got to the shops. It turned out that K-mart was open so I wandered around there and then had McDonalds for breakfast. I think it was up to each shop to choose what time they opened.

The highlight of my day was that I bought what I think could be the most comfortable bra ever. I find bras amazingly uncomfortable!

I hope your day has had some good in it. I have felt ok for most of the day, but over the past few hours, the weight of the hopelessness around my situation has started to feel very heavy.

CheerBear...how am I to have any hope when my Turtle Whisperer got overwhelmed and burnt out within about four months of offering to work with me? All she had to do was stay and help me make a smooth transition to TTT. How could she possibly dump me two days before I saw TTT? I am REALLY struggling with this. I really can't see how I can form any sort of attachment to anyone ever again. I feel utterly empty and utterly numb.

There is something I keep wondering about. If all the skills/strategies etc that mental health professionals go on about really work, why couldn't my turtle whisperer use them to deal with her big feelings? How can I have any hope that I can ever learn to live a life worth living with my muddle, when my turtle whisperer couldn't even manage her reactions to my big feelings enough to keep working with me until the end of January? How does anyone ever make sense of that, CheerBear????

I super can't wait for next week when @NikNik and everyone comes home.

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