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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Cup of tea , love one @CheerBear

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Afternoon tea in the garden is served @Shaz51 😊

Wonder if @Maggie is around and would like some too?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good afternoon to all in the nest. 🌷

Hi @CheerBear. I don’t have much to tell, but I wanted to reply to yesterday’s post. (If I miss something, nudge me again.😊) I definitely wish kindness was surprising when it didn’t happen instead of when it did. I’m super glad you experienced a little bit yesterday.

In answer to your question, I did get my hair cut last week. It feels so much better—especially because it was my choice to cut it. I’m already not coping with the hot weather so short hair is much nicer.

I was thinking about music the other day and how much I missed it when I was married. I wasn’t allowed to listen to music at home and if we did listen to music in the car it was always my wife’s music. I snuck in some music on my way to and from work and on my breaks (love my iPod) but it really was quite awful to live in a music-less house. Oh, and hospital. I'd listen to a lot of music when I was in hospital (which was unfortunately more often than I care to admit.)

Not much else is happening in my world. I’m trying to stay quiet. My mood is super low and my anxiety is super high and no good can come of that. My concentration has been terrible so I haven’t even been able to get lost in a book. 🙁 But I’m okay. This is pretty much standard for me. I’m grateful that uni is over for the year so I don’t have to deal with study stress on top of everything else.

I hope today has been a calmer day for you. 🌷🦄

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Love a cuppa @CheerBear thankyou. Beautiful table setting.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's so nice to hear from you @Former-Member 😊

I'm glad your haircut is helping with the weather. I'm a huge short hair person and so much enjoy being free to have it however I want.

So much relating to the music thing. It's incredible how much control one person can have. You're free to listen to what you want when you want now. I know that kind of freedom when it's been taken can feel scary for some people for a little while. Not sure if that's you. Either way, music is great and music-less houses or only one person's choice in music, is not. I get this big feeling of 'stuff you' in a good way when I put some kinds of music on (like yesterday's choice) sometimes. I was going to ask in my big list of questions that I culled so I didn't scare you (haha) whether you'd had many hospital experiences. I'm not sure if I did end up asking it in the end, but I had a feeling the answer might have been something like above.

Low mood and high anxiety is hard! For me it's like no want to get up or do anything while also feeling totally restless or unsettled on the inside. Or a need to burn energy that isn't there. Yuck. I'm glad you're ok, though I secretly wish ok was good for you.

Today has been very calm and quiet thanks. A home day with 🐟🐠🐡 (that gave me a big smile when you posted that) and all are chill (woohoo!).

It really is great to hear from you 💚

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I set it up in the garden and thought of you straight away @Maggie. I have lots of little ones in our recently was a giant pit of nettle but now is slowly turning back into a vegetable garden, and I'm so looking forward to sharing them with you as they grow ☺ Hope you're ok enough Maggie 💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

ohhh lovely @CheerBear, @Maggie , @Former-Member

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi again, @CheerBear.

Please ask questions. You don’t need to cull—I’m not that easily scared. 😊 (Well, not here in Forum Land, anyway.) 😁

You hadn’t asked me about hospital, but yes, I’ve had a few stays. Thanks to trawling through old hospital records for NDIS evidence, I know I’ve been an inpatient nine times (only one of those admissions in the public system) and presented to the ED MANY times (including some short stays). I haven’t been to hospital since I left my wife, so it’s been more than 4 years. That’s not to say I shouldn’t have been in hospital, but it’s no longer an option. I haven’t got health insurance anymore and even if I could get a public bed, I would have to put my cat in boarding and I can’t afford that.

Yes, low mood and high anxiety is tricky. A total contradiction fighting away inside my brain and body. But everything seems to be a contradiction with me. There is never any winning. Bah. Silly brain. 🙃

I’m super glad you’ve got a bunch of chill fish today. Yay for calm and quiet. 😊🌷

Hi @Shaz51. Hi @Maggie. 🌷I hope you're having a peaceful day, too.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

low mood and high anxiety is tricky @Former-Member, do you know why you are feeling that way? is something happening my friend

I know ith my husband he gets very anxious , panic attacks , flustered with changes

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It’s just my default setting, unfortunately @Shaz51. No trigger necessary—though preparing my NDIS application isn’t helping matters.

I hope things are calm for Mr Shaz (and you) at the moment. 🌷

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