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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
That's seriously cool @Former-Member! I am so (embarrassingly) unable to imagine what it would be like to live outside of here. I can't even imagine what it would be like to travel beyond here. I find it mind blowing to think of what life might be like somewhere different.
It's sad to think you left the best time of your life and then things started going downhill 😞 I hope you do get back there one day.
Thank you for sharing that Bella ☺
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
That would be hard @Former-Member have your best memories in another country. I hope you really get to take your daughter one day. 💜🤗💐
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Deep down I'm a traveller @CheerBear I'm just not well enough to do it. I find it very, very frustrating, upsetting that I can't. It's amazing over there, especially Norway. Such a long way though.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @Teej me too. At the moment it's a dream Dreams can come true though right? 😮😊
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thank you again @Teej. I feel a bit stuck sometimes because I am happy I shared my story and that now it is buried too, and thankful that there are people who know enough here. But sometimes I want to elaborate a bit on what it is that's getting at me and I guess this week it makes sense that it would be happening as it is. I've been thinking I might call or chat to someone tomorrow or Tuesday if I'm still feeling like this. That's in my get through it plan if I need 🙂 Thanks for sharing your experiences Teej. It really does make a difference 💓
@Former-Member - I can imagine how frustrating things would be for you if you're a traveller deep inside, but at the moment you're feeling the way you are 😞 Does D have plans to travel? Some of my family have done the travel thing in a huge way, but others have never left either. I fall in the latter category - too scared, too food fussy, too many other things I want to do. But I enjoy hearing about it and find travel stories completely fascinating.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Yes, D is waiting for me to be well. I too am now fearful, food fussy etc....... Not sure how I'd go . @CheerBear
Wish I knew what to say re what you're going through CheerBear It's tough having awful trauma memories .
I have so many that I can't remember dates. Just triggers and memories, that I'd rather not have. It does get easier with time. The big city where we go sometimes used to be a "no go" for me. Used to be such a trauma/trigger for me to visit. Now it's easier. Hugs to you 💕
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
The idea of you and D travelling makes me feel good inside @Former-Member. I really really hope you get to do that.
You being here is the best thing you can do for me, thank you, and knowing you are someone who gets it without needing to know, is a really good feeling (though I feel sad that the reason you get it is why you do). I don't know if I would remember the exact dates except a couple are written on paperwork. I remember days too well because of what happens here this weekend. It's been inescapable. It floods the world here for this week especially, and it has been so hard to sit back when so many people count these days down for a reason and I am seeing them in a totallu different way, not wanting to count them down. I can't explain the feeling hearing the sound of the end of it this weekend.
Thanks for listening xx
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
I'm glad this terrible time is nearly over @CheerBear Is it cold enough for snuggly blanket? I hope so. I saw the cutest snuggle toy in kmart. It's a sloth 😂 I think I have to buy it. If you go to kmart, I recommend you look in toy section, where snuggle toys are. It's only $5. I think you'd like it. 😀 I wish I could biy it for you. It would make you smile. It makes me smile.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Biy = buy 😂@CheerBear
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
It is cold enough for my blanket which I have now @Former-Member. I do love Kmart and sloths make me smile ☺ I will have to have a look next time I'm there.
Zooptopia has been on here tonight. The sloth scene makes me laugh so much - it's honestly one of the best kids movie scenes ever I think.
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