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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's a long long night for you @Teej 😞 Future fear is definitely a sleep stopper sometimes. I'm sorry you are weathering a self-hate storm too. That sucks heaps.

Quiet house for you - is it a home day planned?

Today shouldn't be too busy for me/us here. Grocery shopping and washing and that type of stuff. Not sure if it's relaxing,but it isn't too hard.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

A home day is planned @CheerBear. I am in survival mode at the moment. Fighting lots of urges so I won't move far. It's ok. I'll sort it out. So desperately don't want to be here right now but know I have to.
I hope your kids give you an easy run tomorrow then. I uploaded pics to celebrate all your big news last week but then fell in a hole and ran away again. Will post them when I can.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'll let you go @CheerBear. Thanks for saying hi. Hoping your day week is ok. Crossing fingers for a perfect house. 💜🤗💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I wish there was something I could say to make it all better @Teej 😞 I believe you'll sort it out too, it doesn't make it much easier now though.

I lve teej pictures, anytime. I have flowers very close to being ready to take a photo of and post to you too.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm up now @Teej and here for a while if you want to hang around. But I understand if you don't too. I've been hoping to bump into you to let you know that you've been on my mind quite a bit as the 'day' gets really close now. I'm scared but I know I can make it and I am remembering your post from your day when you made it too. I just wanted to let you know that, because it's made coming in to this next couple of weeks feel different for me.

Take care of you today, as I know you will if you have headed off) 💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @CheerBear,

speak later. 👋

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

Oops posted before your last one :face_with_rolling_eyes:. Just be really gentle on yourself if it's the first one. I struggled so much reliving it all especially in the first few years. This year I relived lots of different things but I was hit with something huge the same day which completely rocked my world at the time. My therapist sent a message and I thought she was abandoning me. It was a mix up but because I was already heightened I became a bit out of control. It's all sorted now but it was full on at the time. I will be thinking of you as yours comes and goes too. They are horrible but I guess part of the whole mess. I believe you'll have an awesome life again, it will get better. As much as I haven't coped with mine I'm grateful for the positive things that have come out of it too. I'm a different person because of it and some of that is in a good way and so are my kids. Sending hugs 🤗💜😊💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Teej. I can imagine how much harder it would have been with a big shake up (or something that felt like a big shake up) on that day.

It's hard coming in to this because I don't really know what will be right to do. I haven't got experience living big days like this one, so I'm not sure what will be the best way to do it. I think about it often, in the strangest way. It's like jolts. Memories just hit me out of nowhere. I'm going to make a plan (and then some more plans) of things to do to get through thr days I think will be hard, and hopefully that will help.

That went all about me quickly, sorry 😏. Thank you for listening and for sharing your stories.

Now I'm going to run to the shower. My fingers are icy and it's freezing so I'll defrost there I think.

Sending you huge big love teej. Thanks for being you 💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

The house I applied for has been taken down from the website of the agency 😔🙁 I don't know why I keep feeling so hurt with the let downs when I expect them to happen anyway.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear .....

"like" = "I hear you" ....

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