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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I wanted to add something. I have had lots of fails at parenting and messed up really big at times too. I am so grateful that my mess ups haven't stopped my kids from moving forwards. They are pretty much all (youngest an adult in under a year) healthy functioning adults and three in stable long term relationships. Much of that goes to the villages that popped up along the way too. I have been very blessed they had so many supports too. The football club has also been one of those places that have supported them hugely and provided stability too. Two of my sons have good jobs through it. There have been some great mentors for them too. I feel blessed that sometimes when I have been awol someone else has been there to help pick up the pieces. One of the boys girlfriend's family has supported him a great deal too. As a family we are the most united and stable now than we have been in a long time. There was lots of mess along the way.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Teej 💗

The whole 'village to raise a child' thing, I believe in so much. Your sharks have a mum who gave them a village, which sounds like it played a big role in them turning out to be the ok (I imagine very much more than 'ok') people they are. I think of those weekends you would have dragged yourself up and out to do the footy mum thing. The training I would think they were taken to. The dirty (stinky, muddy, gross) uniforms washed. The bangs and bumps and bruises you held your breath for, and would have tended to after... etc All so they could have it. And that's just the footy side.

None of us are without our parenting fails and messes, which is part of why I do believe in the village. It's an enormous load on our own and having others to carry some of it sometimes, has to help.

Thanks Teej, for giving me hope that mess can be sorted through 💕

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just had to laugh, cringe, smirk 😏 at my overuse of the word too AGAIN @CheerBear. Thanks. It took a while to accept the village concept but I've totally embraced it now. Here's hoping you have lots of villages pop up on the way for you and your LF as well.

Thank you for reminding me that they had to get to sport for those villages to appear......and the hospital visits too, luckily only a couple from sport (one badly broken ankle and one broken collarbone). 💜🤗💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I have to share because I am feeling so very proud right now.

I have a letter in my hands (phone) that says in writing, that what has happened has been unacceptable and what next will effectively be up to me, with support. Even better though was a part of the letter that says that in speaking up, it's been communicated back to people within the organisation, which will improve the services provided to people in our situation.

This doesn't change our situation right now (which is ok because I didn't expect it to), but it definitely makes the pain and frustration of having fought this fight and not staying quiet about it, worth it.

🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Soooooo glad to hear that @CheerBear ......

I really, really, really want someone to say that to me at a point in the future. I'm doing cartwheels for you .....,

🌐 💃 🎶 ..... happpy dance ..... ❣️

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear, awesome news. So pleased for you! Makes a hard job, and the pain that has gone with it, seem more worthwhile. Still looking forward to that day I read about you having the keys to your new place.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

WTG @CheerBear 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Great news @CheerBear
Good on you for speaking up. 😊💕

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning in the nest 😊

Thanks for sharing in the high five moment yesterday. I went to bed with warm fuzzy forum feelings, thinking of how much I appreciate what's here in forumland.

Hope everyone had an ok night.

Leaving this here for you @Former-Member.

It's nutella toast next to that coffee. I thought you could use a good start to the morning after your very late/very early post this morning. Reach out if you want to Bella. There are lots of hands here to hold on to who care about you. Thinking of you often, wishing we could crochet and coffee together. I reckon that would solve all our problems 😘

Hope it's a good day for all 💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning all nesters,

I super hope everyone had a good (or at least ok) night's sleep. I have been awake since about 4:30am super excited about my big adventure. This time tomorrow I will be back home and most likely dealing with the big come-down from having such a big adventure.

@CheerBear I am so super happy for you that you are changing the world with the complaint you lodged. I super love the empowered I'm-changing-the-world feeling and I imagine that that is maybe what you are feeling. You see @CheerBear, we really can change the world - together but not. My current giant adventure is a change-the-world type adventure too. Yay for us, changing the world.

So...it's now 7am and I don't need to go and change the world until 10am. I super want to go exploring, but I'm scared I'll get lost. I really don't want to have to call anyone and confess that I have misplaced myself.

I was going to bring the DBT manual with me @CheerBear, but then I discovered that it is actually quite heavy to carry isn't it! Oh well.

I hope everyone has a good day today.

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