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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good evening nest-dwellers,

@Former-Member and @CheerBear what you are describing about getting used to a new hair-do is exactly why I've never had a new hair-do. I don't do change.

@Former-Member I super like your new avatar...except that it's different from the old one...and I don't do change.

@CheerBear Please don't ever change your avatar. I don't do change.

I'm sensing a theme in this post...

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Lol @Phoenix_Rising I don't to change either. Been a few decades since I've changed my hairstyle.

@CheerBear I read about your latest housing developments. Well done you for coming around to realising that it's what you needed to happen. Not sure if you are a brene brown fan but there is lots of her stuff that comes to mind for me with this. You are in the arena and giving it your best, there is so much integrity with that - win, lose or draw. To me it's a win regardless.

@Former-Member change of avatars I do like though even if I have to work it out. I love your new one too. It's such a hard age to watch our kids battles. You are doing a great job as a mum. I still take on all my kids moods and hassles, I think it's part of that lifetime role of mum.

I had one of the fastest turn arounds today from my huge wave yesterday. I'd almost say it was miraculous.....kind of feels like I've walked on water 😜. Thanks everyone for your support.

Wishing everyone in the nest a peaceful night and good day tomorrow 💜🤗💐.

🐢💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Trust me @Phoenix_Rising I go through lots of anxiety going to the hairdresser, sitting in thecchair, looking at my hsir afyet it's done and for a couple of days after. 😂😮
I'm ok with it today. Thankfully the new hairdresser did a good style cut. I get very bored with my hair. Last year it was super short, now I'm growing it. @Teej 😀
Yes, being a mum is more difficult than I thought it would be Teej. Ups and downs, but I've always wanted to be a mum.
D has cried on and off all day and gad a big cry after school. It sucks that school is so stressful she's still studying. Well, hopefully will stop soon.

I'm usually not keen on change either. 😊

So glad to hear you had a good day today Teej.
I hope you got all the marking done that you wanted to Phoenix Rising

I'm in bed already . Trying something different for sleep. I have a feeling the med I've been taking has been making me feel extra lousy.

Nighty night to you both and @CheerBear
And anyone else around . 😀
😴💜💟💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

How's your boy going at school? @Teej
Is your youngest still at school?
I'm back again.
Finding it hard to relax. 😮

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member. My youngest got an apprenticeship at the beginning of this year. I have two working sons and two at Uni still. I have enjoyed not having the school thing anymore but miss some aspects of it like seeing your kid perform or share their achievements.

My youngest grew up very quickly. Most mornings I just hear the door go as he leaves for work. I am amazed that this kid who couldn't get to school gets up and organises himself every morning without fail.

I know it is such a pressure year that last year at school....in every way. Uni is a different pressure but I still go through exam time pressure and assignment meltdowns but it's easier because they are not my child (as in under 18) so it is theres to deal with. Having said that I try to tread on eggshells around the hard times at uni.

Has your D got plans for what she wants to do in her future?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thought I was on top of my theirs and there's but apparently not 😳😜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning in the nest (my phone now auto suggests this sentence when I start with 'good morning')

@Teej - love hearing of your trun around! You've done so well 😊 Also love what I have read and seen of Brene Brown. I feel scared that a lose with this one could have some pretty serious implications in terms of housing but I think that's more an anxiety/worst case scenario jumping/past experience feelings messing with current situation feelings thing. This might just be exactly what needed to happen.

Your house sounds very busy. How's the S4 driving going?

@Former-Member - hope the new thing you tried for sleep ended up helping. Feeling for you and D with the tough school times. I wish I had the ability to go back in time and talk to my year 12 self! I wonder how different things will be for her next year.

Morning @Phoenix_Rising (I'll keep my fitting belly badge for now :D). Happy hopefully book day now. I am practicing (and failing) at patience.

Hi to anyone else reading 👋

Sleep sucked last night for me. The email re the escalation of our case triggered pretty big 'I take it all back' and 'run away now' stuff, which so frustratingly decided to play out throughout the night. Annoying brain 😏 I managed to stay calm enough during the day, but can't really control where my mind likes to go at night and that sucks. I have a feeling I'm not alone with this one here though.

Plan today is to try to do the calm thing again because it has helped and I have a feeling I'll need a good supply of energy to work through whatever this latest thing brings.

Hope it's a good day for everyone. No doubt I'll be lingering around to hear (read) about it 😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I have a feeling you're off and about on your busy day @Phoenix_Rising but I also have a feeling something might have landed at your doorstep today because it has here 😄

Hope it's a good day for you!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I hope the house thing does work out for the better @CheerBear. I know it is a huge responsibility and stress no matter which way you carved this one up. Hoping and crossing fingers that lessons are learned re the housing group that benefit you and others in the future.

my housing situation is only stable until next April, then I'm not sure what hapens but for now I can only bury my head in the sand. Every time I think about I panic and don't do so well. I am trying very, very hard to live in the present. Every time I let the future in I topple over so fast. I have come to the conclusion that I can only think two days ahead which seems to work best.

My house composition with my kids has possibly changed again since I last told you. S1g has now move in with S1 in our house and S4 is living with me. I am down to 4 of us and it is working quite well. Driving lessons with S4 are still terrifying. Had a few close calls lately. I had to grab the steering wheel the other day to stop him hitting the car in the blind spot.

Hoping you are able to do things that are bringing you some pleasure today. I very much related to your night last night with thoughts creating havoc. Today, even though tired, I'm feeling much calmer. Just came out of my group which got me out of my head and I'm enjoying.

Hiya @Former-Member, @Phoenix_Rising, @Shaz51, @Faith-and-Hope. I hope your day is going ok. 💜🤗💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hiya @Teej 🙂

The organisation that runs the place you go when you have nowhere else to go, has already stopped referring clients to this program because of the issues that have come up here. It doesn't change that it's happened, but it helps to know that maybe in being loud about it, it might stop it from happening for others.

I can completely understand and relate to the feeling of panic that sets in when you think about what you might do. Two days ahead has been about my limit for a little while too. I crash if I go beyond tha, which I can't help sometimes. Hard to find a balance of being proactive and addressing future stuff, but living in the present.

Shudder re the driving. That's so scary.

Glad to hear you are feeling calmer today, even though it was a tough night. I'm really tired today, but ok enough 🙂
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